Effie, do you have a question for Conan at all?
Yes. My question is,
so in the hospital, in the ICU,
we have a lot of conversations
obviously when things get tough about,
you know, where you want your life to go
and what you want from your life,
and if things get taken away from you.
So in the event that things go south for you, Conan, if.
What do you mean if?
What year? I mean, I can name seven periods of my career
where they went clearly south for me.
I mean, medically south.
Oh, medically south.
So what are your dying wishes?
And when do we pull the plug?
Well, first of all-
Let me write this down by the way
Detailed notes.
Speaking of, earlier my wife,
my wife wants to pull the plug constantly.
She's like, let's insert a plug and then pull it.
I'm fine. That's a really, wow.
That's a powerful question.
And I do think Gourley's gonna probably go
and find this episode when the time comes.
That's right.
Which, if Gourley gets his wish, will be very soon.
My last wishes are,
I wish to be immortalized with a giant statue.
Oh I thought you were gonna say "wish to be immortal".
No, no, trust me.
I've looked into it.
It's too late for that.
I would like a big over-the-top funeral.
I would like a large statue to be unveiled of me
on horseback, even though, in life, I didn't ride horses.
I want to be treated with full military honors,
even though I did not serve in the in the military,
Which branch?
Every branch.
Oh, God.
I want jets going overhead.
I want-
Coast guard as well?
Coast guard.
I want full coast guard salute.
It's gotta be done near the water so that
there can be guns firing from...
And I, you know, some people are very humble
and they just want, oh, "I just want a simple
simple casket" or, and I'm going completely
the other way.
I want honors that I'm not entitled to in life.
I want to get them in death.
And I want there to be a national day of mourning
and I also want my casket to tour the country.
Oh my gosh.
Lincoln's toured the country for several weeks
after he died, after he was shot, it took this
train trip all around the country and people could
go and see Lincoln.
I want mine to travel, to tour for like, like Aerosmith.
I want it to be two and a half years,
a two and a half year tour.
And I want it to go to Tokyo.
I want to go through most of the European cities.
Oh, international.
Oh, international, yeah.
I want it to be, I want go everywhere
and I just want there to be a huge fuss.
Would you mind if this tour is just
connected to an Aerosmith tour?
That's fine.
That would be fantastic.
You know "in life, you know, Conan gave his all and now-"
♪ Love in an elevator ♪
♪ Livin' it up when I'm goin'- ♪
♪ I said yeah ♪
And then bring my body out and they-
Like "Weekend at Bernie's"?
Usually you look better than Steven Tyler.
Yeah, exactly.
Put some Steven Tyler scarves around me
and then using some of the defibrillator technology,
get me moving around the stage, you know,
just shoot me up through of electricity.
I love that. I love that.
So those are my last wishes.
Okay.
And pull the plug.
Man, I just think, wait till you hear from my tour manager.
When it's time to go, I want to go.
I wanna make sure we sell out completely.
So once we've sold out the tour,
even if I'm starting to recover, make sure I'm killed.
(laughs)
Let's put a pillow over my head and get me out.
But we're talking, this is gonna be a very expensive,
international funeral / Aerosmith tour.
And he's really drawing up a contract and signing it.
Okay. I worry now that-
This is official now.
You know, Adam is already looking into ticket sales
over there on the- He already sold it.
Yeah. I'm worried now this is gonna get me killed.
The tour starts on Monday.
Yeah. (laughs)
We just got such a good rate.
You just gotta sign here and it's done.
I'm gonna sign this one, gonna sign this
right here and then you need to witness this.
Okay? This is my directive.
This is my signature.
Can you see this pretty well, Effie?
This is the whole directive.
Oh yeah, wow.
Okay?
And we need you to verbally agree that you,
and then I'll put your name down, okay?
Okay, great.
Do you verbally agree that this
meets with your approval?
I do, yeah.
We'll make a copy of it, put it in the chart.