I'm going to give you the language of what is not an apology,
but what narcissists try to pass off as apologies,
in this video and also in this video,
I'm going to give you the language of what is a real apology,
so, stay tuned.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm a narcissist negotiation expert and also an attorney and
on this channel, in these videos,
I give you real tips and tricks,
actual resources that actually help you
when you're negotiating with, communicating with,
or dealing with narcissists, in your business,
in your personal life, wherever.
It maybe be is when first waking up in the morning and
you're trying to negotiate with yourself, with your self-worth,
trying to negotiate your way out of this situation and
if that sounds good to you,
I invite you to subscribe, hit that notification bell
so that maybe you can stick around and
feel like you're turning the tides on this whole thing.
So, let's talk about what an apology is and
what an apology is not.
So, what do narcissists try to pass off as an apology.
So, they might say things like
“I’m sorry, but it didn’t work out”,
“I'm sorry, but you were the one”
“I'm sorry, but I got stuck in traffic”
“I'm sorry, but, I had to work”
“I'm sorry, but your mom this…”
“I'm sorry, but you this…”
Maybe they try to blame it on you,
they try to blame it on something that happened,
so that you don't really necessarily feel like
you really got an apology out of the whole deal,
you don't feel good,
you kind of feel icky about the whole thing.
So, that's not an apology.
That kind of like pushes it back on you,
you don't feel you got an apology out of that deal now, do you?
That's not an apology either.
You know what else isn't an apology?
Those are the kinds of phrases that narcissists use and
if you want to know more about narcissists’ favorite catch phrases,
you can definitely check out my video
on the Narcissists’ favorite catchphrases,
because those are the kinds of things that
you only hear a narcissist saying, okay?
“I know you want an apology, but you're really just overreacting”
“I didn't do anything, I would apologize but you're really just crazy”,
That's gaslighting. That's what that is.
“There's nothing that I need to apologize for
because you're just overreacting”,
”You’re gaslighting, there's nothing that I did wrong”.
That's also not an apology, not an apology.
It also pushes it back on you,
that's also not an apology, okay?
Those kinds of things do not make you feel
like you've been heard.
When you get a real apology, you feel like you've been heard.
Real apologies, express regret.
Real apologies say I take responsibility for what I did,
I was wrong, I was supposed to do something and I didn't.
I accept the blame, and then period, end of story.
There's no but after that, there's none of that
or how can I make amends?
What can I do to make this up to you?
Then there's nothing else after that,
there's no conditions that are imposed upon that;
that also makes you feel better about it.
So, real apologies, at the end of the day,
you feel like there's some closure to the situation,
you feel like you've been heard,
like this person actually has accepted responsibility in their behavior,
you feel like there's a recognition for what they have done and
that your feelings have been heard and
that there has been a communication in that.
Often times, they ask for forgiveness,
“Please forgive me”, and then after that,
you see a difference in their behavior going forward.
A lot of times with narcissists, you'll just hear them say,
“Well, let's just forget it”.
That's something else that you'll see with their apologies,
“Why don't we just forget this?”
“Let's just move forward”
“Why are we dwelling on this?”
That's not an apology either.
So, a lot of times you'll see that with narcissists as well.
“Oh, I love you” “Oh, well, let's just forget this”
That's something you'll get with narcissists too,
they don't want to have to acknowledge their own behavior,
so, that's not an apology either.
Sometimes, they'll even use “I love you” to manipulate you and
I've got a whole video on what narcissists mean when they say “I love you”,
so you should definitely check that out as well.
So, if you know that when they're saying sorry, they’re not sorry,
Definitely write that in the comments “Sorry not sorry”.
So, if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist,
grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet,
at winmynegotiation.com.
If you like this video, give it a like give it a share,
drop me that comment.
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I'm so glad that you stopped by and that you're here.
Remember today is always a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will definitely see you in the next video!