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hey there everybody and welcome to this presentation on five reasons you don't like to be around people I'm your host Dr Donnelly Snipes
there are a lot of reasons why someone may not want to be in a crowd or even around other people
so let's take a look at a few of those and not all of them are because of social anxiety
the first one is introversion some people are simply wired that way they prefer to be alone
a lot of the time or in small groups with one or two other people but being in environments
with lots of other people feels really overwhelming and over stimulating to them the
next reason is a desire for a deep and and Lasting Communication in what I call our swipe left world
in today's environment being able to connect with people all over the world and having
our Fishbowl be a lot bigger than it was in the 80s and 90s and before
it is appealing to some people to swipe left if you will or stop a relationship the minute that
it's not exactly what they're looking for and they go looking for something else they try to
find whatever it is again so when this happens to you when you get ghosted enough times you may feel
like you know what it's not worth the effort to put into this if I'm just going to get ghosted and
I am so tired of having to start new relationships and go through all that small talk and everything
else just to have it end up disappearing in a month or two it makes sense I mean it
takes a lot of energy to form relationships and because of the prevalence of ghosting
and swiping left it can feel like it's just not even worth the effort you know rather have a dog
being highly sensitive is another reason people may not want to be around others and it can be
because they're highly emotionally sensitive so when they're in groups with others or even maybe
with another person the intensity of that other persons or those other people's emotions can just
be exhausting and overpowering and overwhelming and if the person who doesn't want to be around
others is already exhausted or stressed out it's just that's more energy than they have to give
they need time to rest and recuperate doesn't mean they don't like other people doesn't mean they
don't want to empathize or be around other people it just means at this time that's just more than
I can handle likewise being physically sensitive can also cause you to not want to be around other
people and when I say physically sensitive I'm talking about sensitivity to lights and sounds
when you go into restaurants for example there's a lot of bustling and noise and other people talking
and that can get really overwhelming for people who are have sensory sensitivity sensitivities
um so we do want to be conscious of that smells are another thing people who are really sensitive
to Smells may not want to go out into environments around a lot of other people who may be wearing
strong colognes or perfumes or those sorts of things it's really important and I'm going to
point to this in the summary but I'll say it now too it's really important to examine what your
behavior is communicating if you don't want to be around other people why what is it saying and it
may just be your body saying that's more than I can handle right now or that's overwhelming
so thinking of do I need to rest do I need to do something different so I feel safe can be
important strategies to improving your rich and meaningful life now insecure attachment is another
reason why some people might not want to be around others they've experienced abandonment issues
they have had bad relationships and and probably dates back to their family of origin but maybe not
and having been in those dysfunctional relationships enough the person may get into
a relationship may be around other people and be concerned that hey if I make myself vulnerable and
they go away it's gonna hurt too much and I don't want to do that I don't want to be hurt again I
don't want to be abandoned again which takes us into the similar but somewhat different point
of people with a history of abuse or trauma may also not want to be around other people
especially large crowds because they don't feel safe trauma is generally perpetrated not always
we have things like tornadoes but generally trauma is perpetrated by another individual
either intentionally or unintentionally so when the person who has experienced trauma is
in an environment around other people especially around people they don't know it can be really
stressful and they're hyper vigilance kicks into full gear and they're on edge and
they're stressed out and they're tense and they can't relax and have fun so it can be
just too overwhelming and too stressful for them to be around a lot of other people
not liking to be around people is not always the result of social anxiety or what some
people call anti-social it's not that the person who isolates or spends time alone
necessarily doesn't like other people guess what they may like spending time with themselves
there's a concept being content spending time with yourself they don't feel like they're missing
out on anything it's also important to recognize there's a Continuum there's the person who doesn't
want to be around anybody ever and they don't even like being alone but they're more afraid of being
around other people all the way to the Continuum of the person who just really craves being around
others pretty much constantly and being the center of attention and everything in between we're all
wired a little bit differently we've all had different experiences so it's important to
not just make assumptions think about what your lack of desire to be around people is saying when
you're around other people whether it's one or a hundred is it too much stimulation for
you and if so what can you do to mediate that if you want to spend time with people how can
you mediate that so you're not getting over stimulated maybe setting time so you're going
to go out for two hours instead of hey come over to my house and hang out for you know whenever
there's a big difference there going out instead of inviting people into your home is another
way if the people themselves are can be over stimulating it's another way of having more
control and ability to effectively modulate that because if you're out somewhere you can excuse
yourself and go home if they're in your house often it feels really uncomfortable to say hey
I'm tired I'm done y'all need to go now you can see how that might be more uncomfortable
figuring out what can I do if I want to spend time with people what can I do if I
get overwhelmed spending time with six people maybe I need to spend time with one if it's
too overpowering being in the same room with somebody because I'm a highly sensitive person
maybe I can do it through text so it's not quite as intrusive if you will or palpable
um if something somebody does is too stimulating like they're wearing cologne that's too strong
well obviously virtual is a way to handle that um but if you want to be together in real life
it's important to communicate to them what is overstimulating and while I'm on it I know
this is a whole other tangent but some people when they get stressed tend to become more sensitive to
sensory stimulation so the mere sound of somebody chewing or swallowing or doing something else
can be really overpowering and overwhelming and annoying in certain circumstances but not
others and if that sounds like you and there's a term for it called misophonia but I digress
if that sounds like you and you recognize that sometimes it doesn't bother you but sometimes
it grates on your very last nerve figuring out what the difference is so you can avoid
putting yourself in situations where you're going to be triggered when you are vulnerable to that
and is your lack of desire to be around other people the result of feeling unsafe feeling
like you're going to be harmed like you're going to be abandoned like you're going to be criticized
or canceled or whatever the case may be that can be another thing or as I mentioned earlier
is it something else like just the fact that so many people have ghosted you it feels like it's
not worth the effort kind of like getting on the treadmill and running six miles but going nowhere
and then you get on the treadmill tomorrow and you do it again sometimes you think what's the point
recognizing the lack of desire to be around people is not necessarily pathological figure
out what your body is trying to tell you and then take steps to respond appropriately