In fact, I already proved that in season one.
Check it out. Bam. That's right, he's an actor,
a comedian, a host, a political commentator.
He's also my dear friend. Please welcome the one and only
Hasan Minhaj!
What's up? - Hey.
- Look at you, flying all the way
from the other side of the world to be here.
- What's up? - Come in, come in.
- Yeah. - To my fake house.
- Ohh! - Isn't it dope?
- Yo, it's Lilly's Playhouse. - Okay, I know
you're a sneaker head, so let's check out
this area first, okay? - Oh, great. Okay.
- I know you're about-- clearly, you're rockin'
some dope sneakers, I don't know what they are.
- Yeah, okay, Jordans. - Okay, cool, cool.
That's what I thought. I was like, "Cool, um--"
This is my sneaker wall. So are you jealous?
Are you jealous? What do you think?
- [sighs] You want me to assess?
- Yeah, assess. Assess the situation.
- So we're really doing Avia? - [laughs]
- That's what we're doing?
Lilly, is this what's going on? - Come on.
- This is a crime against humanity.
Yo, these are Adidas. For a second,
I thought these were gonna be Adivas.
- [laughs] - We should go--
- These are sick, actually. Why haven't I worn these?
- These are actually kinda dope, these are cool.
- Okay, see, that's what I'm talkin' about.
We literally have fire, bro. What are you talking about?
Look, what are you talkin' about? This is--
- What is this? - Nasty Gal.
- What are these? These are the Nasty Gal Guy Fieri
white on white chunks.
What is-- get this out of here.
- What is the best shoe here? If I had to--
If I were to steal one shoe to take--
We're gonna steal one shoe, so if we have to--
- I would say these fake Jordan 1s meet Fear of Gods.
This is like a-- this is a fear of Jordan.
- Is that fake? How do you know they're fake?
- It just-- it just says medium.
It's a-- [laughter]
This is literally a t-shirt size.
- Come, let's sit over here.
Are you happy or are you not happy
that I didn't dress like you?
- I'm actually beyond thrilled.
- I--when I dress up like you, I look like you.
- Yes. - But I feel like
some of my characters look like you.
- When I see Manjeet... - Okay.
- I'm like, yo, that's me.
- Do you actually feel-- okay, hold on.
- You have the photo? - Let's assess this.
You think--this is Manjeet, obviously--
- yeah. - Hubba, hubba.
You think this looks like you?
Go ahead, this last one. - Is it--yeah.
- Yo! - Yeah, no!
- What? - I know!
- This is the best day of your life.
- It's terrifying.
- Okay, wait, BS aside. - Yes.
- Congratulations. You had a second baby
during quarantine. - Let's go.
- A second baby. How's it been--
Real talk, it's been horrible?
- It's been the most beautiful but horrifying thing
that I've ever done in my life. - Because of COVID?
- Because--well, the thing is, when you have a second kid,
we had to switch from zone defense to man-to-man.
So each parent had to parent a single child.
- Yeah. COVID, you're working from home.
- Yes. - I know you're working
on a lot of projects. - Yes.
- Probably a lot of meetings, creative work.
- Yes. - How do you get work done
with two kids in the house?
Gimme the real. Don't give me the whole, like,
"Oh, you know, I teach them to respect--"
Don't give me none of that. - No.
- Tell me the real how do you get work done.
- No, so you do two things. - Okay.
- One of the things I do is I put a screen in front of them.
- Nice. - Yeah, and I let YouTube
teach them. - I--perfect.
- So they can go down a rabbit hole,
they can get radicalized. - Youtube.com/lillysingh,
perfect. - Yeah, they can go
to Lilly Singh or they can just, like,
join the alt-right, I really don't know.
Suggested videos will just take them down--
I really don't know. And then the other thing I'll do
is I'll just lie to them. - Nice.
- So I'll say, "Hey, I'm gonna be in the basement."
I just call the basement the office.
So, "I'm going to the office." - Right.
- And then they'll try to-- now my daughter and son,
they can open doors, it's kinda like
the velociraptors in "Jurassic Park."
- [laughs] - I can see, like,
the door move, you know.
And so Beena will just lie to them.
We'll be like, "Oh, don't go down there
"there's spiders!
Like, there's spiders down there."
- See, this is what I love about these people
'cause people don't understand this.
- Yeah. - Brown parents, they lie.
They instill fear. - Yes.
- This is the way you parent. - Yes.
- I was scared of-- if I was gonna eat candy,
my mom would be like, "That's medicine."
I had a fear of medicine, right off the bat.
My mom, "The cops are going to come for you."
Fear of cops. - Oh, you had that too!
- Of course! - Oh, so we had this thing--
I remember we had this thing when I was a kid, like,
any time I would act up, my parents would be like,
"I'm gonna call Officer Gary."
[laughter]
And I'm like, "No!"
Are you gonna call Officer Gary?
- Not Gary, Mama! Not Gary! - [laughs] No.
So, look, I think the biggest thing I've learned with her
is how protective I am of her. - Okay.
- Like, how much I love her. - Yeah, yeah.
- You know, like, sometimes I hold her, and I'm like, man,
I love you more than anything in the world.
I will do anything for you.
And I know I've said that to Beena before,
but, um, I was lying. [laughter]
- Get out of here. - I'm serious.
Like, so, the way love works, right, when you say love--
- Oh, okay, hold on, hold on. - It's not about--
- Hold on, we're figuring out how love works from Hasan here.
Break it down. - This is the way it works.
- Okay. - It's not about
how much you love them, it's how low
you're willing to go for them.
You understand what I'm saying? - It's very simple.
- So I'll give you an example. - Okay, hit me.
- So my daughter, she had school picture day.
- Mm-hmm. - Right, so I have to take her
to school every day.
We live in Connecticut, so we live in "Gilmore Girls."
We're the only Brown people in the neighborhood
and at her school - Yeah.
- You know what I'm sayin'? So it's just all a bunch
of Cody, Cory, and Coles, and then boom.
We are straight up-- they see chocolate.
So we show up. I pull up in the Honda Odyssey.
I'm not trying to brag or anything.
We pull up, it's picture day, I take her out, and--
They make the little kids wear masks, right?
My daughter, she can't blow her nose,
so it's picture day the kids are going out,
they're taking pictures. [imitates shutter clicking]
You know, smile. - Yep. Mm-hmm.
- It's her turn. She's sitting there,
she pulls the mask down, she has all this snot in her nose.
And all the parents are looking at her like,
they're like, "Yo, what's up with this grimy kid?"
And I can tell they're looking at my daughter.
And this is when I got super defensive.
And I'm like, "You [bleep] don't even know
she can't blow her nose.
Don't [bleep] look at my daughter."
- [laughs] - Who are you to judge?
So I'm drinking a Starbucks iced coffee,
and I pull the green straw out of my Starbucks
and I just--[sucks]
I just sucked the boogers out of each nostril--
- Wait, wait, why didn't you just blow her nose?
- No, no, no, blow? I inhaled. I didn't blow.
She can't blow. So I went fracking for mucus.
- Like, she physically doesn't know how to blow?
- She doesn't know. So if I give her a tissue,
"Baby, blow," like, "Blow your nose,"
she doesn't know yet.
She just doesn't understand the mechanics of it.
- So you sucked out her boogies?
- Yes. - [laughs]
- That's how much I love her.
And I wiped it, and I said, "Yo, take the picture."
- That's gross. - No. It's not.
- And beautiful. - Yes.