Hi! Are you suffering with self-doubt
right now? Well look, if you are, believe
me, I understand what an energy killer
that is! And in this video I'm going to
share some of the best work I know you
can do to doubt yourself less, and feel
lighter in yourself. And please hang
around to the end because I've also got
a freebie at the end which I would love
for you to take. My name is Steve and I
coach professional people like you to
find ways of succeeding that come from a
happier more grounded place. For the best
ideas and practices in that theme,
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Now self-doubt is something a lot of
professional people struggle with, and I
want you to know that the work I share
in this video is work I've done with
myself, it's work I've done with my
coaching clients, and it's work I've seen
other great coaches before me do, to make
a significant difference in people's
lives.
Self-doubt exists on a continuum from
absolute self-doubt to absolute
rock-solid confidence, and most people
operate in a narrower band maybe
somewhere in the middle. Now it's
actually healthy to have some self-doubt.
I actually think it's unhealthy to be
rock sure about everything, but if
you're watching this video you're
probably at the lower end of this and
wanting to shift to the right, and
the question isn't, Do I have any
self-doubt? Because I think we all do. The
question is, How much do you have? And, Are
you suffering it? Number one. Be
compassionate with yourself. Self-doubt
is normal, its natural, we all do it ,it's
even healthy to a point. Don't hold
yourself to perfection. Don't beat
yourself up when you have self-doubt. A
lot of what we can do to change anything
and experience anything as different
starts with self compassion, and this is
no different. Self compassion alone will
start to make a difference. Number two.
Pause and make a choice. You can't
necessarily control when that feeling of
self doubt comes up, but when it does you
can stop yourself going down a rabbit
hole with it. This is a mindful practice
that I want you to work with. Learn to
notice when that feeling is coming up,
but when it does, PAUSE, STOP, BREATHE.
Give yourself a little time and space
and let that feeling subside a little. It
will if you pause. And then make a
conscious choice about how you want to
be in the next moment, and exercise that
choice. The key is in the pause. That's
what gives you a moment to gather
yourself. That's what gets you a moment
to regain your presence of mind and make
a conscious choice. By the way, what is
your experience of self-doubt and
self-confidence and moving between the
two? If you're okay with sharing it
please do so in the comments. I'd love to
read it and I'll reply to as many
comments as I can. Number three. See
through the illusion. One of the reasons
we self-doubt in the first place is
because we fall for the illusion that
we're the only ones who have moments of
doubt and weakness, and everybody else is
strong and capable and consistent. But it
only looks that way because we only tend
to see other people's highlights reel! We
don't tend to see their full story, so if
you can learn to see through the
illusion that everybody's doing better
than you, perhaps you'll see that are really
not all that different. By the way, I've
got a numbers game for you! If one of the
things that makes you doubt yourself is
looking at a social media feed and
seeing things like, so-and-so celebrates
this success, so-and-so has landed that
gig, so-and-so has completed
such-and-such, a promoted post that tells
you that lots of people are being more
successful than you because they have
secret knowledge that you don't have,
so-and-so is proud to have won this
award, so-and-so has been selected for
something, another promoted post that
tells you you don't know about Z yet
and that might impact your future
success. Well, look, those kinds of social
media feeds can seem intimidating if you
haven't felt much success for a while,
but here's the thing, let's say just for
sake of argument that you were connected
to a thousand people on social media and
everybody posted every time they had
something to celebrate. Then what that
would mean is that you should expect to
see a thousand posts celebrating
something for every post that you make
so don't get overwhelmed by the fact
that people are posting success. There
are lots of them and only one of you!
Even if it was a thousand to one you
would still be on a par with them, so
please
don't fall for the illusion that because
you're seeing success post after success
post, that means you're anything less.
There would be a bigger ratio of their
success post to yours because there's
more of them! Don't get fooled by the
numbers game! Number four is to change
your focus. Life is rich in things that
go well, things that don't go well, times
when we were strong and capable, and
times when we didn't feel so strong and
capable, and how we feel has got a lot to
do with which of those we're focusing on.
If we're sorting for and focusing on the
times when things didn't go well
and when we didn't feel particularly
strong or capable, or when somebody
criticized us, then that's gonna be a
very different experience than if we
spend time with thinking about the times
we did do well, when we succeeded with
something, when we were strong and
capable, when people praised us. So this
exercise is to spend at least as much
time with that second group of
experiences as with the first, in fact
more so! And if you need somebody to
assist you with that, to remind you of
the things that you've done well and
where you're strong, then ask for them to
help you. Number five is to see it as
just a thought. One of the things I
encourage people to do isn't to necessarily try
and control your thoughts because I
think there's a limitation to how much
you could control your thoughts anyway,
especially when you're not monitoring
them, but developing a new relationship
with your thoughts, to be able to see a
thought as just a thought and not
something that you have to go down a
rabbit hole with. Now that can be
incredibly liberating! But it can also
take a little bit of work and a little
bit of time, and sometimes people need a
guide to be able to achieve that, but it
is something worth working on, to be able
to become a neutral observer of your own
thoughts, to be able to see them but not to
get involved with them, and not to go
down the rabbit hole with them, and this
helps with self-doubt too. And number six
is learn to be at peace with not knowing.
Some of the most successful people I
know have simply made the decision that
they're going to be at peace with the
fact that they don't know what the
future holds. Now that's not to say that
they won't have a plan. That doesn't mean
to say that they won't prepare. That
doesn't mean to say that they won't
think ahead, but let me quote Eisenhower
to you:
Eisenhower said, "In the process of doing
anything
I find planning indispensable, and I find
plans mostly worthless." It points at the
value of thinking ahead and preparing
but it also points at the fact that we
don't know how things are going to turn
out, and being at peace with that,
being relaxed with the idea that we
don't know what's that gonna happen next,
is actually a very liberating thing. And
in many ways it's that preparation plus
being at peace with the unknown, and
being ready to respond to what shows up,
that really helps people perform. Now to
follow up on this I've got a FREE GUIDE
which I'd love to give you, it's a free
guide to managing stressful feelings in
the moment and making better decisions
under pressure. And to get this free
guide all you need to do is find the
link in the comments. Click on that link,
get your free guide. Please help yourself
and don't forget to like the video and
subscribe to the channel.
Thank you.