♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN!
THERE YOU GO!
JON... JON, WE GOT IN JUST A MOMENT HERE, WE'VE GOT THREE
GIANTS COMING OUT HERE.
WE'VE GOT STEVE MARTIN.
WE'VE GOT MARTIN SHORT, AND SELENA GOMEZ.
JON, I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS DOWN IN
LOUISIANA.
I KNOW THEY GOT HIT SO FAR, THE WHOLE STATE DID, THE WHOLE GULF
COAST DID BY IDA.
ARE THEY OKAY DOWN THERE?
>> MY FOLKS ARE DOING OKAY.
MY EXTENDED FAMILY IS OKAY.
WE'RE BLESSED.
I ENCOURAGEEB TO DONATE.
PEOPLE ARE STILL STRUGGLING, POWER IS STILL OFF.
PEOPLE ARE STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET BACK.
MY FAMILY IS STILL IN ALABAMA, SCATTERED ALL OVER THE
SOUTHEAST.
SO WE'RE OKAY, BUT WE'VE JUST GOT TO KEEP FIGHTING, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: AND THAT STORM CAME UP AND DEVASTATED PARTS OF
THE NORTHEAST UP HERE.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: AT LEAST 43 PEOPLE HAVE DIED, AND THERE'S JUST
DEVASTATION ALL OVER THE AREA.
AND IF YOU WANT TO HELP THOSE AFFECTED, AND I KNOW YOU DO, WE
WILL HAVE POSTED CHARITIES HELPING BOTH THE GULF COAST AND
THE NORTHEAST ON "THE LATE SHOW'S"" TWITTER PAGE TONIGHT.
CHECK IT OUT, PLEASE.
NOW, JON--
I WANT TO GET TO AN IMPORTANT STORY THAT PEOPLE ARE TALKING
ABOUT.
WHAT DO YOU-- WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF MY MUSTACHE, JON?
>> Jon: YOU KNOW -- >> Stephen: CAN WE GET A
SLIGHT CLOSER SHOT.
>> Jon: WHEN YOU CAME EARLIER TODAY I SAW IT, I THOUGHT YOU
WERE PREPARING FOR A ROLE THAT YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YES, I'M GOING TO PLAY THE YOUNG CAPTAIN KANGAROO.
IT IS-- IT'S SO WHITE, IT-- IT DOESN'T REALLY SHOW UP ON CAMERA
VERY WELL.
>> Jon: I COULDN'T SEE IT IN PERSON.
THAT'S WHY--
I HAD TO COME UP--
AND SEE WHAT WAS HAPPENING.
>> Stephen: DO YOU LIKE IT?
DO YOU LIKE IT?
I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF YOU LIKE IT?
>> Jon: IT'S NEW FOR ME.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: NOW, WAIT A SECOND, JON!
WHEN-- WHEN-- WHEN-- A WOMAN IN YOUR FAMILY GETS A HAIRCUT,
LET'S SAY, OR A LOVED ONE GETS A HAIRCUT, DO YOU SAY, "THIS IS MU
TO ME," OR "I LOVE IT."
>> Jon: OH, I LOVE IT.
>> Stephen: THIS IS TECHNICALLY HAIR.
>> Jon: YES.
>> Stephen: THAT I HAVE CUT ON MOI FACE.
SO LET ME ASK YOU ONE MORE TIME, JON, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY
MUSTACHE.
>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YOU'RE MISSING-- YOU'RE MISSING THE SOCIAL CLUES
HERE, JON.
YOU'RE MISSING-- >> Jon: IT REMINDS ME OF A
FULL BEARD.
>> Stephen: I USED TO HAVE A FULL BEARD.
>> Jon: I'M USED TO THE BEARD WHEN YOU GO HERE.
THIS IS NEW TO SEE -- >> Stephen: I HAVE NEVER
ATTEMPTED THIS BEFORE.
I AM BEGINNING TO SEE WHY.
( LAUGHTER )
NOT HAVING BRAWLD SHOULDERS AND THIN HIMSELF, IN THE THE
SECONDARY MALE SEX CHARACTERISTIC TO LET EVERYONE
KNOW THAT I'M A BOY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NOW, AS I MENTIONED EARLIER, JON, THE DELTA VARIANT IS
SURGING AND THE COVID CASES CONTINUE TO RISE.
ON THE ONE HAND, EXPERTS SAY SMALL GROUPS OF ALL-VACCINATED
PEOPLE IS A SAFE WAY TO SOCIALIZE.
ON THE OTHER HAND, I DON'T WANT TO.
AND I'VE BEGUN TO FIND MYSELF RUNNING OUT OF EXCUSES.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, JON?
DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE EXCUSES AT HAND WHEN SOMEBODY INVITES YOU
TO GO SOMEPLACE.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH, YOU HAVE TO HAVE YOUR EXCUSES READY.
>> Stephen: JON AND I ARE GOING TO HELP YOU OUT TONIGHT.
WE RECORDED A JAM THAT WILL MAKE YOU DANCE AND GET OUT OF ALL THE
EXCUSES YOU NEED TO GO TO A DANCE.
JIM, LET'S HELP SOME PEOPLE.
♪ ALL MY FRIENDS ARE VACCINATED THEY WANT TO HIT THE DANCE FLOOR
♪ BUT I DON'T WANT TO PUT ON MY OUTSIDE CLOTHES
♪ I GOT A LOT OF INVITES TO IINGS NOR
♪ SO IF YOU'RE JUST LIKE ME IF YOU'RE JUST LIKE ME
♪ LET ME AND MY CREW TELL YOU WHAT TO DO
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE NOBODY ♪ HIM THEM THE FOUR EXCUSES
>> YOUR FRIENDS WILL RESPECT
YOUR CHOICE AND IF YOU DON'T, STEPHEN COLBERT AND JON BATISTE
HAVE EXCUSES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SELENA GOMEZ, MARTIN SHORT, AND STEVE
MARTIN.