- Hello, and welcome to Good God with God.
I am God, and today's episode is brought to you by shale.
Shale, it's a sedimentary rock made
of hardened clay or mud,
and it's one of the more fun rocks because,
I don't know, it's fun that there's also a rock
that breaks real easily.
Shale, I made it, I love it, check it out.
Okey, well, today we have a very special guest.
He was President of the United States.
He's considered a founding father.
Very excited to have him on the show,
and I'm talkin' about John Adams.
Hey, John, how are ya?
- What's up?
- John, it's great to have you.
- Oh yeah, thanks for havin' me.
This is a nice setup.
Whatever this is that I'm sittin' on right here,
this is the best.
- Yeah, it's a cushioned stool.
- Oh my God, so what's up?
- So I just kinda wanted to have you on the show--
- Just hang out and stuff?
- Yeah, a lot of our listeners,
they haven't really been able to hear
a founding father-- - A founding father, yeah.
- Exactly. - Fans of America.
- Yeah, how do you feel about
being called a founding father?
- Love it. - Yeah?
- I think it's great, I'm up my own ass about it.
I love titles, I love being called President.
I was mad I didn't get a second term,
I was a one-term president, yeah.
- I mean, it was tough then, you know?
Because you're following George Washington,
you know what I mean?
- Yeah, yeah, he's great, love George.
- I gotta hand it --
- You know I never had slaves?
- I know you didn't,
which is great. - I'm one of the few.
- That's why George and T.J.,
they all had to spend a little time down
in Hell before they could
come back up here. - Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
- Yeah, what about Hamilton?
- This musical's crazy, no one cared
about this guy at all at the time.
- Really?
- I mean, we liked him but you'd think
about him three times a year.
- Sure, didn't you have beef with him
when he was president? - He had beef with everybody.
You know what's pissed me off,
because he didn't like slavery.
I didn't have slaves, but did that give me credit?
No, he wouldn't hang out with me.
Hamilton liked you if you didn't have slaves
as long as you were real cool.
He liked cool people first.
George Washington had slaves all over the place,
and he loved George.
- Yeah, that's true. - Can I grab a soda?
Sorry. - No problem.
- I'm good, okay, whoo, this is good.
- Try to have a variety of beverages available for--
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, do you know who else was not so bad?
Benedict Arnold.
- Wow.
- He's not bad, Great Britain wasn't so bad either.
- Well, you had to look at them
as the bad guy for a little while there.
And King George, he was pretty crazy too,
you know, he was being-- - Yeah, but, you know,
George Washington was crazy, they're all crazy.
- Yeah. - Everybody's crazy.
- Yeah, but-- - You put somebody in power,
10 seconds later, they're nuts.
- Did George lose it 10 seconds later?
- Sure, yes, George was absolutely, he was crazy.
In New York, where he was inaugurated,
he was getting fellatio an hour after
he took the oath of office.
- Oh my gosh. - We were stunned.
It's not cool, I don't know, was it an abuse
of power if it's consensual, but--
- How'd you know? - We all, everybody knew.
George Washington got laid like nobody's business,
and it went to his head.
- Oh, you think that's what got to his head?
- Yes.
- Did you get laid when you were President?
- No. - 'Cause you kept--
- I wanted to. - Oh, just people--
- I was a short, fat, bald guy who was telling
people how great he was for not owning slaves,
nobody wanted anything to do with me.
- Yeah, I thought just the pure fact that
you're President might get you--
- That's what I thought, but back then,
nobody gave a shit because there was kings.
- Yeah, but George also was smooth.
- Tall, good-lookin' dude on a horse, you can't beat that.
- Yeah, that's true.
You didn't really ride horses a whole ton unless for--
- All business. - Yeah, yeah--
- I looked terrible on them, I look like a Weeble.
You know what a Weeble is? - Yeah, a little bug.
- No, toy. - What?
- Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down?
- I was thinkin' of weevil, that's my fault.
- Weevil, bull weevil? - Yeah.
- Yeah, I look like a Humpty Dumpty.
- Got it, yeah, I could see that.
- I think horses were great.
- I'm not sayin' horses weren't great.
- Horses were great, you never had a 10 horse pile up.
- Yeah, but horses would buck ya, kick ya--
- Sure, they're temperamental, just don't be an asshole.
- A horse bit me once, and I totally deserved it.
- Really? You, God?
- I went up to pet it, and he clearly didn't wanna
be pet right then, and I was like, "Hey, horse,"
and then he bit me. - Well, you know,
that's on you, you know, try to read the room.
- Totally on me, you know, you like horses,
you try ridin' any unicorns yet or anything like that?
- Yeah, yeah, they're nice. - Yeah, they're good, right?
- Yeah, they bred weird, they seem a little nuts.
- Yeah, they're a little nuts, though, I mean, you know--
- They're beautiful, they're beautiful, though.
- Talkin' about gettin' cocky,
unicorns run on rainbows and they got a super cool horn,
so I think that's part of it.
- They're a little full of themselves.
- But I get it. - Yeah.
- They're beautiful. - They're gorgeous, man.
- You know what a good job was, weirdly?
Manure scooping. - All right, well, that's all
the time we have today on Good God,
I wanna thank my guest, John Adams, for being here.
John, do you have any last words for anybody?
- Cleaning products. - What?
- I think they're great.
I love 'em, I wish we had them, you know?
I think about 'em a lot.
- All right, well hey, today's episode of Good God
has been bruoght to you by shale, shale,
it's a type of rock, it's very fun.
Shale, I made it, I love it, check it out.
All right, well, this has been Good God, God out!