Look, I'm going to be honest with America right now.
I'm known for, you know, not sugarcoating stuff, you know?
And I'm pretty loud--
really loud, actually.
Kind of probably known for yelling.
You know, I'm loud even when I'm whispering.
So I just-- I just--
I just-- and you all get it, right?
You know, everybody right now, you know,
they're upset and just getting upset.
Everyone's on edge.
The world is falling apart.
But this is what I want to do.
I want to be the example to the show to show
that y'all can stay calm.
OK?
No matter what you see, you can stay calm.
OK?
So that's why I created this new segment
called Leslie Jones Tries Not To Lose Her Shit.
[music playing]
There was a time when election stories
would really get me upset.
But now I'm better at staying calm.
Huh?
OK?
So let's see what's going on with the election.
Third-party candidates could prove
to have a major impact in this next presidential election.
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is polling higher
than any independent or third-party candidate
in more than 30 years.
It's not like RFK is going to win,
but he could hurt Joe Biden from winning.
Uh.
[laughs] Ooh!
Well, that's not good.
But, you know-- [laughs] it's really not good.
You know, the race is-- the race is tight enough as it is,
without some random Kennedy dude
jumping in to cause all kinds of chaos.
But you know what?
That's democracy.
OK?
Everyone got a right to run for office.
And who knows?
Who knows?
This dude might actually have some good ideas.
Kennedy, the candidate best known for his
anti-vaccine advocacy and history of promoting
ugly conspiracy theories.
He's linked chemicals in our water supply
to gender dysphoria, antidepressants to school
shootings, and insisted COVID vaccines
were a tool to control people via microchips.
RFK Jr. said last week that somehow
COVID-19 was engineered to not target
Asians and Ashkenazi Jews.
Jesus wept.
Uh.
Woo!
Now-- [laughs] that doesn't make me happy.
[laughs]
But then again, it's a free country, OK?
Everyone has the right to believe in what they believe.
Huh?
See? See?
[applause]
I did it.
I didn't lose my shit.
Robert Kennedy-- I did it.
I didn't lose over Robert Kennedy.
I'm so proud of myself.
We did it, everybody.
Yes!
[cheers, applause]
Now, is there anything else I need to know?
A recent photo on a flight is sparking an age-old debate--
is it ever OK to remove your shoes on a plane?
Passenger snapped this photo of presidential hopeful Robert
Kennedy Jr. with no shoes--
and key point here, no socks.
Kennedy was actually coming back from the bathroom
with no shoes, no socks!
Mother [bleep]!
I tried! Y'all saw me, right?
Y'all all saw me!
Y'all saw I tried, right?
You witnessed ME trying.
Now I'm about to go in on that ass.
[cheers, applause]
This mother [bleep] went to the ba--
he went to the plane bathroom barefooted?
This is the most disturbing video I have ever
seen of a Kennedy, and that includes the one
where a guy's head explodes!
Like, how are you the worst Kennedy?
Your uncle killed a lady by driving off a bridge!
But then I see your nasty feet, and I wish I was in that car.
The only reason you should come out of a plane bathroom
barefoot is if you got robbed in there by someone who
only needs socks and shoes.
[applause]
And he-- he doesn't--
he doesn't even believe in vaccines!
How far have the Kennedys fallen?
JFK was raw-dogging Marilyn Monroe.
But the only thing this Kennedy is raw-dogging is tetanus.
[cheers, applause]
Why was that plane even allowed to land?
Where is the Malaysian pilot when you need him?
And you know what?
And you know what else?
You know what else?
One more thing--
[bleep] you for stealing Larry David's wife.
[cheers, applause]
OK, that didn't go well.
I guess we'll try again next time.