-Footballers Cure Blind People! -Starring
-THE FRONTMEN! -Season 5!
-The Frontmen Season 5 -And that is why I won’t be getting the
Pfizer vaccine -Frontmen - you have 24 hours to cure a blind person!
-Mr Beast wannabe
-The Frontman with the worst attempt gets kicked off the show!
-The best attempt gets 1 million euros! -Ohhhh
-And anyone who uses a doctor will be disqualified! -Let the challenge begin!
-SIU! -Va-va-
-Thomas Muller! -Daley Blind
-He’s not blind! -No, he’s Blind haahhaha - just kidding,
this isn’t who I really cured - -take 2!!!
-Timo Werner? -Timo Werner!
-He’s not blind either! -That’s what I said!
-Have you seen his finishing? -True…
-So how did you cure his blindness, Thomas? -Well luckily, I found a German eye donor…
-Clever -Well, when I say found, I mean tracked down,
kidnapped and removed the eyes from a German donor -against his will
-Thomas! -As long as you didn’t use a doctor, that’s
fine by me… -You can tell you’ve been living in Saudi…
-So now, -for the big reveal… 3…2…1… ½…
¼ -Get on with German Mrs. Brown…
-TADA! -MESUT OZIL?
-Mesut Ozil? -Mesut Ozil!
-JESOS CHRIST!!! -JESUS CHRIST! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!
-WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! -Well he didn’t run into the wall, so I
guess he’s cured! -WE GUESS HE’S CURED!
-Haaland -Rodri, Gundogan and Bastardo Silva?
-They weren’t blind -Well they never spot my runs so they must be…
-So how did you cure their supposed blindness?
-I didn’t cure them. I just removed their eyes as a punishment.
-What? -It’s true…
-And that’s what I’ll do to you two if you try and kick me out of The Frontmen…
-What? -How about just pay us to keep you in
-Deal. I’ll get the Man City “sponsors” to wire you some “sponsor money” immediately
-Siu! -Yes… Exhibit 111 to send to the Premier League
-15 point deduction incoming!
-What? You were supposed to cure a blind person!
-Why have you operated on yourself?
-Because I have replaced my eyes with the eyes of my idol!
Me?
-Pele!
-PELE?!
-What in the name of Satan is this?
-Not only will I honour The King by using his eyes...
-Hopefully it will help me score more goals and win more World Cups!
-CUT!!!
-THIS IS SICK!
-I knew you'd like it!
-I mean twisted sick!
-Oh -Even Infantino wouldn't do this!
-FAIL! -Well I quit anyway!
-AU REVOIR BEATCHES!
-As if he thought I'd got him Pele's eyes...
-I gave him Timo's eyes!
-The Saudi King -3, 2, 1… tada!
-Oh, I can see! I CAN SEE! -He’s cured!
-So how did you cure his blindness, Cristiano? -I used one of the wishes from my
-magic lamp! -Thank you so much!
-And it doesn’t end there… -what does that screen say…
-Nothing -Try again…
-You just won… -100,000k!
-10 times more than Mr Beast was giving away - cheapskate!
-Thank you so much! -And it doesn’t end there…
-What does the screen say now? -YOU JUST WON A THREE YEAR CONTRACT AT AL-NASSR
-I’d rather be blind! -I’d rather be blind!
-The ungrateful son of a bitch… -Lewandowski
-So how did you cure her eyesight, Robert? -I replace her corneas with artificial ones
-Then let’s see the results! -3… 2… 1…
-I can’t see a thing! -Fail!
-Artificial corneas? -I didn’t put them in! Somebody has sabotaged
me! -HAHAHAHA! CLASSIC!
-Neymar Junior -Neymar?!
-What the hell are you wearing? -I look like a boss
-You look like a penis -Never mind her, I think you need your eyes
fixing -Stop fashion shaming me
-You fashion shamed yourself when you chose that outfit
-I didn’t choose it! My stylist Sam Smith did
-Then they need their eyes testing - FAIL! -What? But you haven’t even checked her
eyesight yet -Her eyesight is the least of your problems!
FAIL! -Lionel?
-I’m with Cristiano -Oh you’ve changed…
-I wish you’d change -Ha
-Deepfake videos of them two loving incoming… -Uruguayan Timo Werner
-Jurgen Klopp? -Si
-Wait til you hear Darwin’s genius plan! -Liverpool were better before Jurgen had his
eyes fixed - so I’m reversing his surgery -We’ll be reversing our decision to put
you in the Frontmen! -You had to cure a blind person, dumbass.
-Oh… -Yes, oh…
-Who cares -Liverpool are back baby!
-Holy hell - what happened? -It took Darwin quite a few attempts to hit
the target but he got there in the end. -And how is your vision?
-Terrible - just like it was when we were champions! Thanks for asking Romelu!
-Romelu?! FAIL! -I wonder if Darwin can do Turkey Teeth as well
-Mancunian Pele
-So how did you cure his eyesight, Marcus? -I haven’t yet
-Fail! -I’m going to do it live now for bonus points!
-Oooooooo -Here goes…
-By the power vested in me… -Is it just me or is his recent form
going to his head… -I, Black Jesus,
-Yep, it’s going to his head… -Declare you cured!!!
-I was blind and now I can see -Thanks Marcus!
-Well he didn’t run into the wall, so I guess he’s cured!
-WE GUESS HE’S CURED! -Yes!
GLASS SMASH
-ARGH! -HELP! SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!
-A LITTLE KID HAS JUST RAN THROUGH THE WINDOW!
Oh my god!
I can't look!
There's blood everywhere!
FAIL!
-Oh -Wait a minute, we’re on 20th floor…
-Then it’s time to make him rise from the dead!
-Hey, I recognise this guy…
-Really? -Isn’t this the guy you blinded with your
penalty in the World Cup? -Ha
-Oh… -So how did you cure his blindness, Harold?
-Well, I asked Daniel Levy to finance two eye transplants…
-Okay -But you know Levy is a total tight-ass right?
-Right! He wouldn’t even pay me £1m a week to join Spurs!
-Yup - he’s tighter than a baby’s bottom. -What?!
-Wait, that’s not the right phrase… -Cut that in the edit please!
-Carry on Harry -So tight-arse Levy only gave me half the
money I needed… -So?
-So 3, 2, 1…
-So I could only afford one eye -One eye?
-I can see! -Why did you put it in the middle of his head?
-The middle of my head?! -It seemed the kindness thing to do
-I’M A CYCLOPS! A CYCLOPS!
-Well he didn’t run into the wall, so I guess he’s cured! -HE’S CURED!
-YES! -Harry Kane MBE and part-time eye surgeon!
-The Qatari King -Oh shucks, I’m so rootin-tootin excited.
-Not only do I get my eye-sight back - but apparently I get to meet the best soccer player
in history! -Siu!
-He means me, I’ve not revealed my identity to him
-But you said you’re the Greatest Player of All Time so I know who it is!
-Christian -Puli-who the hell are you?
-Lionel Messi -Lionel Who-ee?
-Haha - maybe you know me - SIU! -Sue? Are you transgender?
-No I’m not transgender! I’m the greatest men's soccer players ever
-Shoot - no you’re not. I thought I was getting to meet Christian Pulisic - the Lebron
James of soccer. -Cut! Get this idiot off the set.
-At least I cured his eyesight. -True. Now all he needs is someone to cure
his brain.
-John Terry? -He wasn’t blind, was he Harold?
-I mean Mudryk -No - but he said he was visually impaired.
-Visually impaired? -How so?
-Tell them, John -Well every time I look at a woman, I see
her with clothes on so -I want eyes like a superhero that can see
right through women’s clothes -What?
-I’m pretty sure that’s not a visual impairment John…
-It’s superhero eyes he wanted, -so it’s superhero eyes he got!
-Tada! -He looks like an X-Man
-Yes, I got it from eBay. The listing said it was a working X-men mask.
-Forget X-men, I’m ready for triple X-women hahaha.
-Next time you see a woman, just hit this button on the side and you’ll see right
through her clothes… -Yes!
-Let’s go and try it out on the receptionist -Harold - I mean, Mudryk - you do know the
X in X-men doesn’t stand for X-ray right? -No?
-Hello Mr. Terry -Alright babe…
-ARGH! What the hell Mudryk? It went right through her body!
-Oh bugger -Fail!
-and it’s fixed on permanently too -WHAT?!
-Frontmen -it was a very difficult decision but the
winner of the -cure a blind person challenge is…
-Cristiano! -What?
-And Lionel -What?!
-Who will share the 1m euro prize! Siu! -Who will share the 1m euro prize Siu!
-This is fixed! -Just like John Terry’s X-men mask - lol
-I quit -Don’t worry,
-we’ll just give him some more money and he’ll be back next week
-And the Frontmen with the worst attempt -and getting kicked off the show is…
-Harold Ma-Mikhailo Mudryk! -Oh bugger…
-For the manslaughter of Shanice, the beloved Frontmen receptionist
-May she rest in peace -Amen…
-But what about Marcus Rashford - he manslaughtered a kid!
-The kid wasn’t the beloved Frontmen receptionist - now GO!
-Fair enough! -Who will replace Harry M-
-Mikhailo Mudryk on next Sunday’s episode of
-THE FRONTMEN!!!
-SUBSCRIBE BUMS!
-And hit that like button - we want 60k likes! -Join us next Sunday for a new episode
-Let us know what you want to see in the comments -SIU!