Now, again, when it comes to red flags,
I'm not a believer of
you see it, you run, you're done.
No, you address it
and if it cannot be corrected
then you absolutely let go.
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Hey, what's up everybody this is Stephan Labossiere
aka Stephan Speaks
your life and relationship coach
here to provide you with dating advice,
relationship advice, all of it,
life advice, you name it.
Today, be sure to subscribe to the channel,
like this video, share this video
and I want you to vote below,
do you believe good men exist?
Let's just start with that,
yes or no.
That might sound like a silly question to some of you all, but no
there's a lot of people who
they can fall on either side of that question,
but just vote below yes or no
do you believe good men exist?
Well, let me just tell you from my perspective,
great men exist,
amazing men exist,
but also horrible men exist.
Evil, no good,
not worth your damn time men exist.
And some men are good
and still not worth your time.
And that's why today's video
is going to help shed light
on who you should be giving your time to
and who you should not.
We're going to talk about when he is...
When he's not worth it
versus when he's just not perfect
because there's a difference there, all right.
So, let's get into first, he's not worth it.
So, let me make something very clear to you,
here are some signs for you to see or to embrace
so that you know that this man is not worth your time
and you should not be entertaining him.
Number one,
he does not communicate with you.
Now, listen, this is one of those situations where
I'm not saying
that every man
who struggles with communication is a bad man.
I'm not saying that every man who can't communicate
has ill intentions.
But he is still not worth it for you
at least at that time.
because you cannot establish a healthy
successful relationship
with a man who does not want to talk to you,
with a man who does not know how to express himself
or at least is willing
to learn how to better express himself.
One of the biggest deteriorators of relationships
are a lack of communication
or unhealthy toxic communication.
So, you've got to recognize very quickly
if this guy is unwilling to communicate
he is not worth your time.
Now, some men will make the excuse
and some women will make the excuse for these men.
Oh, well, he's just not used to it,
he grew up around this
or his past relationship's that.
Okay, cool, I'm not even going to dismiss that,
I'm not saying we can't have any
sympathy or empathy for this man.
However, he can't use that as a crutch.
You can't accept that he's a bad communicator
and think you're going to work your way through that
while being in a relationship with him
that's not going to work.
Again, you are more than likely
headed towards absolute complete disaster.
So, don't make excuses
if that is his issue
he needs to go work on it,
fix himself,
and when he's ready to have healthy communication
now we can discuss having a real relationship.
So, that's number one,
he does not communicate well with you.
Number two,
he's very dismissive of your feelings.
So, one of the things that you'll find in a lot of situations
is women saying well, I try to talk to him
and you know, he either calls you crazy
or he thinks it's stupid
or he just somehow deflects, all right.
Or dances around the topic completely.
Now, this kind of goes hand in hand with his unwillingness
or inability to effectively communicate,
but regardless being dismissive
and literally just had a video about
you should not be dismissive men or women,
but being dismissive on his end is a huge red flag.
Now, again, when it comes to red flags,
I am not a believer of
you see it, you run, you're done.
No, you address it
and if it cannot be corrected
then you absolutely let go.
But if he is dismissive
that is a huge sign
of a man who is not worth your time.
Now, again,
and I'll elaborate more on this a little bit later.
If he had a moment where he was dismissive,
but he is typically welcoming of your feelings,
open to listening to you,
willing to talk about it,
then I'm going to give him a pass on that moment.
It still needs to be corrected,
but it's understandable that, that was just
a mistake on his end.
But when he is consistently dismissive
ain't nothing to talk about,
nothing to talk about.
So, again, doesn't communicate well,
very dismissive of you.
Number three,
he disrespects you.
Now, listen, disrespect can come in various forms
with how people view
specific things as disrespectful
will vary with each person.
And so, it's important that I say here
disrespect is going to be defined by you
to a certain extent.
There are some things that are pretty much universal
I would say when it comes to being disrespectful,
but they're going to be very specific things
that you take offense to that someone else doesn't.
So, understand that you cannot assume
that this man should, will know automatically
this is a disrespectful thing
that may sound crazy but what would be best to do is
once the disrespect has occurred in your eyes
again, address it.
Now, if he continues to be disrespectful
when you've made it clear this is a problem for you,
this hurts your feelings, whatever, let him go.
He is not worth it.
Any man who is going to knowingly disrespect you
and continuously disrespect you
is not someone you should be entertaining.
I don't give a damn
if he has a moment of showing you all kinds of love
I don't care if he says all kinds of great things
in other situations.
If this man is continuously disrespectful,
I don't care if he's paying your damn bills, all right.
I don't care what else he's doing.
If he is continuously disrespectful to you
he is not worth it let him go.
Now, I can run down a lot of other things
that would make a man not worth it.
You know what, let me add a couple more.
Let me... Before I switch to he's just not perfect
give you a couple more reasons
to understand he's not worth it.
Number four,
you all don't want the same things.
Now, listen, this is another situation where
he may not be a horrible guy,
he may not have "ill intentions," all right.
But if you two are not on the same page
and you don't want the same things,
then this man is not worth it.
Trying to convince him to want what you want
is a huge mistake
hoping that he will change
and now shift his desires to what you want
is a bad mistake.
You've got to embrace
and accept what he's telling you he desires,
where he stands,
and if it does not align with what you are looking for
let it go.
So many women get caught up
and dragged along in situations, months,
years whatever
with men who never wanted what they wanted,
who were never going to give you
what you needed.
Were never going to fulfill you
in the ways that you're looking for.
Was never going to be able to have a successful,
happy, healthy relationship with you,
you got to recognize that as quickly as possible
and cut them loose.
There is no point in continuing
if you do not want the same things.
So, again,
we can talk about a lot of various other things,
but those four to me are huge signs he's not worth it.
Now, let's talk about he's just not perfect, all right.
So, again,
I can give different examples,
but what this is really going to sum up to be is
a man who is showing consistent effort,
but makes mistakes
is the man who just isn't perfect.
But when he shows a willing desire to learn,
a desire to talk to you,
a desire to make the necessary adjustments
when you make clear
what is a problem,
then this is a man who's not perfect
and can be worth your time.
Now, granted listen,
there are some other reasons
where even the man who shows effort,
even the man who's willing to make adjustments
may simply not be the man for you, all right.
That is possible,
but he would still fall under the category
of he's just not perfect.
And he's not like the other guys
who is clearly
just not willing to give you what you need
or be the man that you need in your life right now.
So, with this guy, the way that you test out
if he is imperfect is again,
always be willing to address the situation.
Do not assume he knows better,
do not assume he knows how you feel.
He cannot read your mind
and even the man who loves you,
even a man who deeply cares about you
sometimes needs direction from you
because what you specifically require,
what you're specifically looking for
may not be what he's accustomed to,
may not be what he has been exposed to.
And so, his inability to connect with that
is not proof of him not being worth your time,
is not proof of him having ill intentions.
Is simply proof of
he is not fully aware
of all of your needs and desires.
Yes, I would love to,
I do, and I would love to encourage men
to try to get as in tune with your partner as possible.
To learn how to read body language,
to understand her cues,
to not have to hear of every specific word
to know what's going on.
I want to stress that
that is important for men to learn how to do
what the woman they love
and are trying to establish a great relationship with,
but I don't want women listening to this
to scapegoat that.
I don't want you to think
well, that's just the way it should be always.
He needs your help sometimes
and that's how you will see how serious he is,
because when you can tell him how you feel
and then he responds with listening,
with being open, with making adjustments,
then you have someone there
who is willing to work with you.
Also, in evaluating a man who is just not perfect
it's one thing to be consistently bad
with good moments
versus to be consistently good with bad moments.
See the guy who isn't worth it
is typically consistently bad, all right.
Even if you want to say
it's 50 I mean 60 - 40,
he still has a very strong consistent presence
of being unhealthy
or doing things that are going to undermine
the success of the relationship.
Whereas the guy who isn't perfect
is typically consistently good,
consistently showing effort,
but he does have moments of making mistakes.
He does have moments
where he may let his emotions get the best of him.
He does have moments
where he may say something disrespectful.
Now, again,
I am not trying to excuse it or validate it,
but I have seen people
lose themselves in a moment
and say the wrong thing but that was not
the example of their true character.
And again, it ran contrary
to what they were consistently doing,
which was pouring in love,
which was showing effort,
which was listening to their partner.
So, look closely at that
because sometimes we try to hold on to the good
in the bad people
and we reject
the good in the good people
because they made a mistake, all right.
I always say
the woman a man loves the most
has the least room for error
the F boy so to speak
he can mess up a bunch of times
and for various reasons,
which we won't talk about in this video right now
a woman will let him have another chance.
Whereas the great amazing guy
he messes up once or twice
and it's out the door, all right.
And to shed some light
is because his actions or his faults
hurt way more
than the other guy who you know is toxic and unhealthy.
But either way,
evaluate what is consistently going on here.
Is he showing you effort,
is he willing to listen,
is he willing to communicate?
And give him credit for that.
And understand that
yes, this guy is not perfect,
but we can work together.
So, all that to say again,
knowing the difference between
who to be patient with
and who to cut off is everything,
it's important and I'm hoping this video has
shed some light on that.
Some of this might sound like
common sense to some people,
but some of this might be a revelation or a refresher
in your mind to really help you be mindful
with evaluating these things and understanding
the man who is not worth it
versus the man who isn't perfect.
So, again, like the video,
subscribe to this channel, share it,
leave your vote below,
do you believe good men exist?
I will tell you they do exist
and you can receive that in your life
because that's what God wants you to have,
but you got to make sure that you believe it
in order to receive it.
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