Hey guys! Today I want to talk about one of the questions
that I get asked the most often, yet
somehow have never actually answered
and that is: how to date as a lady who also
loves the ladies
wether it's how
do I meet other queer women? or
I'm into someone, how do I know they're into me?
or how do I let someone know I want to be more than just friends?
and the list goes on and on and on
I get stuff like this every single day.
in this day and age where we have literally created an
entire other world that lives in the
palm of our hands, it only makes sense
to utilize this new world and work it into our
dating life
as I'm sure many of you know,
I have a lot of first hand experience with meeting
queer people through the internet, wether
they're my best friends, or people I've dated
I've met some of my favorite humans
because of the internet, although I'm a huge advocate for using
the internet for dating, I've actually never used
a dating app, I think because I was in a relationship
when dating apps kind of showed up
I never really got the chance, but thanks
to OkCupid for sponsoring this video, today
I'm giving it a little trial.
little disclaimer, yes, I am in a relationship
I have made all of my settings on the dating app for
taken, and just looking for friends, but I thought it
would be a really fun experience for us to kind of go
through some of the questions, so you guys can get to know me
a little bit more and make you think about how you would answer
these questions. I really love OkCupid
as a dating app because it's not so superficial
we are such a quick pace society
and we're so efficient that we make decisions
at the drop of a hat. It's you see someone yes, no, swipe
whatever and it's done. But OkCupid has this
great tag line that's: "substance over selfie"
and I love that so much. Of course appearance matters
to a degree but it's such a small, tiny
degree, you don't know if you're going to be compatible
with someone, or like them until you get to know them
and I don't know about you guys, but I don't want to leave that up to chance
just to go meet someone that I find
attractive specially if you're just looking for a friendship as well.
so, on the app whenever you sign up
you actually answer a ton of questions
and you can skip any, and you can
rate how important that question is to you
but it's a good way to actually know what someone's thinking
about important issues, weather it be their morals,
their political views, their personality and
what they like to do, so I'm going to go through some of these questions
that I really like, and
maybe it'll help you guys get to know me a little bit better
and the also you can think about how you
would want to answer these questions as well and see
if we're compatible
so when you answer the question, you answer
what you would say, and then also what
you would want your "perfect partner" to say as well, and
then how important it is, and also have the option to
explain your answer, which for a few of this, this is great
I love this first question it's:
is jealousy healthy in a relationship?
I said no, and I said that I
would prefer my partner would say no as well and it's somewhat important
but I want to explain this one, I think this one is
an important one to go into a little more detail of
I feel like jealousy to a
degree is good and healthy, of course I don't want my
partner to just be like: "oh they're flirting with you?
oh you're flirting with them? whatever don't care" cause that just shows me
that you're not really worried if you lose
me, but I don't want someone so jealous that
they're not trusting me, because trust is the
most important thing in any relationship
whether it be romantic or a friendship, you need
to be able to trust each other. this next one is
have you ever dated a man?
this is so intriguing to me to know if this matters
or not to people, yes I have dated
a man when I was like
13 I think. and to me if a girl I dated has dated a man
I don't really care
I don't have any
preference of what their preferences are as long as
they're into me. I don't care if they like anything else as long as
they are monogamously with me, we're good to go
could you date someone who is really
messy? hmmmmmm...
hmm...
I... ugh
I want to say yes, like I want to say that I would be
able to and it would be fine, but
I don't think I could, I don't, it wouldn't be a deal breaker
if they were perfect in every other way, but they were messy
I think I would make an exception, I don't know
would I? I don't know, I don't know if I want to answer that
do you smoke? oh this one is important to me
I would never date someone who smokes cigarettes
I hate the smell, I hate the taste,
I hate the inconvenience, that they have to like, go leave every time
after they eat, or have sex, or whatever it's
just annoying and it's bad for you
I consider myself a relatively healthy person
so for someone to actively be smoking a
cancer stick, can't do it, I would
100% have this in here as I'm not a smoker and
they can't be a smoker
and that's a deal breaker, you can be messy I take my other one
back now, you can be the messiest person in the world as long as you don't smoke
are you looking for a partner to have children with?
uuuh, this is so interesting because
it's such a deep question to ask on a first date
but it's something that you want to know. I want kids
100% so I don't want to waste my time on somebody who
doesn't want kids and I don't want to feel like
oh well maybe they'll change their mind and let it go that can cause
a ton of issues down the road. So I would say yes
I want kids, yes I want them to have kids
and yeah, deal breaker. I'm really clinging up on
this whole messy thing I don't care anymore these
other things are so much more important. About how long do
you want your next relationship to last?
this is
another one where it could be really uncomfortable to ask
someone but you'd want to know, I feel like it's a little
like, inside note into their brain without
actually having to come out and be like"I care about these
things" and the options for this one are: one night
a few months to a year, several years or the rest of
my life
how willing are you to meet someone from OkCupid in
person. This is such a good question, I have so
many friends who are on dating apps
and they're always like "I don't get it, we message, we talk
they seem into me, but we never meet up
they just don't want to do that" some people really do just enjoy
going on dating apps and just seeing that they have options
and thats fine but, if you're someone
who really wants to meet up with someone and all you're getting are these people who
have conversations with you via messages
that's not really fun, so to know that first hand, off the
bat, good good good thing to know
I love these questions, I want to like have a party
and just sit around and answer these questions to know people
this is so fun. choose the better
romantic activity: kissing in Paris
or kissing in a tent in the woods
oooh, kissing in a tent in the woods, I think that's more private so it's like extra romantic
what is the most exciting thing about getting to know
someone? discovering your shared interests or
discovering their body ooh
rongie, I'm going to be a little
PG on this one and say discovering shared interests, but
thats only because when you find out you have a common
interest with someone, specially if it's like an
odd, rare, random thing it
always makes me think of "Stepbrothers" the movie whenever they're like
listing off their favorite things to each other and saying it at the exact
same time, I feel like, if you have a common interest you're like
bonded immediately. Do you like scary movies?
oh yes 100%. are you a cat person
or a dog person?
these questions I feel like are made for me. I am very much a
dog person and I would prefer
the person that I'm with to be a dog person
or at least both
but more so dogs
just dogs come on. Do spelling mistakes annoy
you? this app is literally setting you up
so you don't have to worry about fights a year into the
relationship. Have you ever traveled around another
country alone? some of these questions I feel like
will set you up for the best first date ever
cause if you read them you could be like "hey I see that
you said you traveled a country alone, which country was it?"
and then they could talk for an hour and no awkwardness
they really thought these through didn't they? Do
you often find yourself worrying about things that you have no control
over? *gasp* yes! now I feel like I'm in therapy
are you either vegetarian or vegan?
I love this one cause I know that so many people would make
it on their profile that it's a deal breaker if somebody is
vegan or vegetarian
these questions are so important, they're really ones that you might not
ask for a very long time
and
it just naturally comes up
and then your partner, the person you're dating
could answer and you'd be like "wow"
that's how you feel about that?
if you don't do anything at all for an entire day
how does that make you feel? this is the most like
thorough personality test ever
it makes me feel bad, it makes me feel really bad
I don't mind what someone else answers to that but
it does, I don't like that feeling. How often are
you open with your feelings? oooh rarely
uhm, until I date someone then that person hears
every every little thought, feeling and emotion I have
sorry
what is your preferred cuddling position?
big spoons? small spoons? all spoons?
uhm all spoons, I like to switch it up. Could you date
someone who already has children from a previous relationship?
these are reading my brain, I had this
conversation with someone recently as well, I
could not right now because I'm not ready for kids
so I don't think it would be fair to enter someone's life
who has that responsibility, when I'm not ready to be a parent
but I could in the future, once I'm
at a point where I'm ready for kids I don't think that I
would mind dating someone who already has children
just not now cause I'm not ready for kids. Are you kinky?
skip
it's your first date do you: split the bill, pay the whole bill, have them pay the whole bill?
I would definitely try to pay the bill and then if they offered to pay I'd be like
no, lets at least split it
but I would probably offer first. but I think technically whoever
asked somebody on the date should pay the bill
do you believe your country would be more or less safe if every adult
owned a gun? ooh this is a good question
before dating someone, uhm, no I don't think
it would be more safe and I would really
prefer someone to agree with me I don't think
it's a deal breaker if they disagree but I would
very actively try to change their mind
overall the best dating advice I can give you guys
is just be yourself. you don't want to pretend
to be someone because
it's going to come out eventually who you really are
and that's just going to set you up for failure long term
be you, be confident and on your first date
go somewhere where you're both comfortable and
it's going to be fine, so if any of you are single
you guys should go on OkCupid and look for each other
and if any of you end up dating because of it
let me know so I can get a little bit of credit for doing so
I love you guys so much I hope you enjoyed today's video
and I will see you next time, bye guys.