How do I know if he wants to marry me?
My name is Paul Friedman, I founded The
Marriage Foundation
and this is a very deep subject
because you're asking a question that's
sort of out of context if you think
about it.
Now what you mean by that is, does he
want to marry me or just waste my time,
just use me for sex,
just use me for this, just use me for
that or is he serious?
And what I'm saying to you is that
you don't know enough about him to know
the answer to that
means you shouldn't be contemplating
marriage with him
anyway. The first part of the marriage
steps is dating where you get to see
if you get along at all. And then
you start to scrutinize each other more
and more deeply
but you're doing it in a very
ruthless sort of way because you're
talking about spending the rest of your
life with
somebody and you can't put a time on
this.
You can put a depth of awareness on this.
How much does he take his
commitments?
How responsible is he? How honest is he?
Would he make a good father? Is he a
moral guy?
Does he play the field? Does he use porn?
Does he gamble? Does he smoke pot?
Does he do things that are destructive?
Can he earn a good living
or am I going to be supporting him? You
got to know everything about him
and you could tell a lot by knowing
about his family, his friends,
his occupation but you got to be
misdetective.
That's much more important than knowing
whether he intends to ask you for your
hand in marriage.
You're the one who has to decide whether
he's worthy
of your lifetime commitment. You're the
one bearing the children.
You're the one who's going to carry most
of the load
of intimacy.
You're the one who sets the moral
standards
in a marriage. There's so much people
don't know about marriage.
Here's my suggestion to you.
We have a course at the Premarital
Academy which is our sister organization
to The Marriage Foundation.
Take the course at the same time. Get one
of my books
and learn about marriage. Get yourself
educated
because marriage is the most amazing
thing
you will ever do. It's the biggest
decision of your life
but you do it to achieve the two
promises. Number one
to be happy and happier every day of
your life not just
have a good wedding day. And number two
is to experience
unconditional love. You want to be with
the right guy.
Turn this around. Don't worry about
whether he's going to ask or not.
It's an ego question anyway. You want to
know whether
he's the right guy for you. You're the
one who has to decide
whether you will accept his proposal
or not and that's it.
I hope you take this advice because
you're talking about
a lifetime commitment with marriage.
People take their marriage. The
world is changing and people are going,
"Well,
I'm getting married but if it
doesn't work there's always divorce."
Oh my God! Really, I'm telling you the
truth
that's what people say. They don't
realize
that what they're saying is the choice
I'm going to make
which is for the rest of my life may, or
may not work
means I'm too lazy to really do the work
of researching about marriage and
researching
about the person I want to marry.
And when you fail
and I know you may be second time around anyway
but still, when you fail
subconsciously look what that does. The
biggest decision of your life was wrong.
How can you feel good about that?
So don't get yourself into that
situation. Get
educated and know what the heck you're
about to do.
And with that, I laugh that's not fair.
So blessings to you and share this
and like it. God bless!