Pranam Swamiji. There has been a deep spiritual quest since I can remember about Brahman,
about the ultimate truth. The quest has been through questions, deep internal inquiries,
seva, ashrams, gurus, meditation, spiritual texts, videos on non-dualism. The list to
know and understand is quite extensive. And although truth can be felt behind the words
that are heard, behind experiences, behind people and interactions, there are still moments
that arise when another doubt or curiosity comes in and questions this truth through
limited knowing. This leads me to conclude that I do not yet truly know Brahman, nor
do I have the deepest understanding of it. It is also realized that to know Brahman is
also a desire, but nonetheless remains as the most powerful of all desires in the world.
How is one guided to know Brahman, the ultimate truth, genuinely and authentically, beyond
the intellect, beyond any doubt, beyond any thought, so that despite whatever happens
and continues to happen in life, all that is known is that Brahman alone is? How does
it become so real that it is an unshakable experience? This yearning is ever growing
and in desperation to be quenched. Please help me truly understand.
So I see three, actually two parts to this question. One I can answer directly first. You just observed
that yes, the desire to know Brahman is also another desire, but another very powerful
desire. It's not a problem. Sometimes people pose this as a problem. Isn't the desire to
know God, to realize God, to be spiritual, to become enlightened, just another desire?
It is a desire, but it's not just another desire. It's a desire that destroys all other
desires and frees you from desire, from the problem of this limited being desiring other
limited things. It frees you. Sri Ramakrishna talks about sweets. You have to be a Bengali
who loves sweets. And sweets causing acidity, acid reflux. And then he says sugar candy
is also sweet. Indians know this as mishri. But if you, rock candy, rock candy is also
sweet. But if you put it in water and make a sherbet out of it and drink it, it destroys
acidity. So that's sort of a convoluted explanation for what Sri Ramakrishna said. It's just a
simple example. He said that sweets cause acidity. That means they cause trouble to
you. And this is another kind of sweet which frees you from that trouble. Similarly, the
desire for God is not to be counted among other desires. It frees you from samsara.
It takes you to liberation. So that's good. That's the straightforward answer to that
observation. But I have studied, I have practiced, I get some insights. You sense the truth behind
the teachings. And yet sometimes we have this doubt again. So that leads me to believe that
I do not know Brahman yet. Then you asked that how do I know Brahman so clearly, so
powerfully that it becomes very clear in the midst of life all the time. In fact, effortlessly
clear that only Brahman is. There are two parts to this question. The first part is
doubt. That is not so difficult to remove. Just consider this. To have a doubt, you must
be conscious. You must be aware. Doubt implies without any doubt that you are the doubter.
The one thing that doubt implies is that the doubter exists. It immediately proves that.
It proves that you are consciousness. In fact, every experience in our life proves that I
am aware. All right. There was something that I wanted to say since the first question,
but this will be a good time to say it. I want to show, demonstrate this right now.
Follow this carefully. What will I demonstrate? That your own existence is self-evident and
it's self-luminous. In Sanskrit, sat-chit. The self-evident part of it is not very difficult
to demonstrate. One thing nobody ever doubts is I am. My own existence is never doubted.
Anything that I know can be doubted. Whatever I'm seeing in the world, it could be a dream,
it could be a hallucination, it can be doubted. I could wake up the next moment and think
that I was dreaming all the time. I was not in class with Swami. I was just napping and
I was dreaming the whole thing. It's possible. So Descartes , for example, famously, he set
out with this project of doubt, doubting whatever could be doubted. And he wanted to find a
firm ground for all knowledge from which to build up knowledge, something that could never
be doubted. And he found that his own existence can never be doubted. ‘Cogito, ego sum’ : That
I think therefore exist. Even if I doubt it, I'm thinking. That cannot be doubted.
So my own existence cannot be doubted. I am, this can never be doubted. In every experience
of life, there's one thing that's constant. I am. Right now, whatever is going on here,
we are all certain about one thing. I am. We spend not even a split second considering
whether I am or am I not. Nobody ever thinks that. So in all our waking life, in all our
dreams, even in deep sleep, even if we don't think I am, I still am. Because I'm the same
one who wakes up. Now this I am is continuous in waking, dreaming, deep sleep, in all the
days of our life. It was there when we were babies. We were there when we were children,
teenagers, young people, old people. All the time, the I am is constant. My own presence.
So that is indubitable. It doesn't depend upon the condition of the body. I am. Healthy
or sick, old or young, male or female, I am. It doesn't depend upon the condition of the
mind. Happy or sad, I am happy. I am sad. So I am is constant. Happy or sad, keeps coming
and going. So all of that. Memory. It doesn't depend on memory. I cannot recall. My memory
is not what it used to be. I am, but my memory is failing now. But that I am is never doubted.
My own existence is never doubted. So this is the first cornerstone of the two things
I want to say. One is my own existence. Just look. It is obvious that I exist. Each of
us. This was not only Descartes, hundreds of years ago Shankaracharya says,
Ya aiva tasya nirakarta tasyaiva atmasa. Whoever doubts the existence of the Atman, is the
Atman of the very doubter. So if you think that all this Atman, Brahman, is it true or
not? Well that's the demonstration that it's true that you exist. So the self-evident.
My own existence is beyond doubt. Alright. Now, here is the thing which I wanted to say
in the first question itself. Let me ask this question. How do you know that? I am, but
how do I know that? See this microphone is. It exists. But how do I know this? Because
I see it. I can touch it and so on and so forth. How do I know that I am? This flower
exists. I know this. How? Through my eyes. I am the knower. The flower is the known.
Eyes are the instrument of knowledge. Knower, known, instrument of knowledge. Now I am you
yourself, the knower. How do you know the knower? You don't doubt that you exist. But
is it that you don't doubt that you exist? What is the instrument of knowledge there?
Now think about it. Here is the beauty, a very interesting little bit of reasoning here.
Everything is known in this way. Knower, knowable, instrument of knowledge. Now if the I, I am,
were to be known in that way, something strange will happen. What is the strange thing? The I am
will become an object of knowledge and it will require another I am to know it and then some
kind of instrument is required between the I am, the old I am and the new I am. And that I am will
have to be known. For that you require a third I am, a third self which will be the knower and
that will have to be known. You require a fourth one and this is called regressus ad infinitum.
It's an infinite regress which is regarded as a fallacy in philosophy. In Sanskrit,
anavastha dosha, the fault of not having a ground. You will never come to a stop. Two
problems will come from this. One is the regressus ad infinitum, the anavastha dosha,
the regression back to infinity. You will have no end of I am. And not only that,
no knowledge would be possible. See, to know this, the first thing that is established is I am. Then
I deploy an instrument of knowledge called I's. Then the existence of this object is revealed to
me. But if the I am, the beginning of this process of knowledge were not established,
if there was another one before that, another one before that, I would never come to this I am which
is going to know the microphone. You see, that infinite regress will prevent me from knowing
anything at all. Because I, the knower, is not established. It will immediately go into an
infinite regress. So two problems will happen. One is the fault of infinite regress, anavastha
dosha. The second is impossibility of any kind of knowledge at all. Clearly, you exist. I am.
And I know this also. But I don't know this by this method of knower, knowable instrument of
knowledge. Then how do I know it? I clearly know it. Here is what Vedanta says. He says,
the I am, Vedanta says, the I am is self-luminous, swaprakasha. It's not only self-evident,
it is self-luminous, self-revealing. I exist, there's absolutely no doubt about it. And I'm
not only exist, I shine. I reveal myself all the time. It's not an unknown existence. So I am and
I shine. In Sanskrit, aham asmi sada bham. Bhami means I shine. Upanishad says that, that
shining, everything else shines. By its light, everything here is revealed. Tameva bhantam
anubhati sarvam tasya bhaasa sarvam idam vibhati. You shining, everything else shines. Everything
else means you shining, the I am shining. Then the mind shines by the light of that I am. The mind
shining, the senses are illumined. The senses shining, you then can say, not only I am, but I
can think, I can remember, I can decide, I can imagine. That's all mind. And also with the senses
shining, I can see and I can hear and I smell and I taste and I touch. Behind it all is the I am which
is indubitable, self-evident, that's number one, and self-luminous. In Sanskrit, swaprakasha. It
does not require another knower and another process of knowing to reveal the I am. Think about this,
then all doubt will go. That not only it sounds true when I hear these non-dual teachings, but
also in my direct experience, at least a glimmer of understanding begins to dawn, what is meant by,
you know, the ever-present pure awareness. That's basically, that's just you. So that will become
clear. Every doubt, every doubt reveals, it confirms the I am. The self-evident nature of the I am and
the self-shining, self-luminous nature of the I am, that will become clear. Use the doubt. The greatest
proof is the doubt itself. That's the beauty of Advaita Vedanta. If you take something like existence
of God, then the doubt cuts at the very root of your faith. Every theistic religion has to struggle
to prove the existence of God. In Christian theology you have the five great proofs of the
existence of God. St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, they developed these proofs. In Indian
Vaishnava theology you have the Naiyayikas. More than a thousand years ago when they were debating
with the Buddhists, the Buddhists said there's no immortal soul, there is no God. And the Hindu
dualists tried to prove that there is a soul and there is God. So they developed ten, nine proofs
of the existence of God and so on. But these trying to prove the existence of God means what? The doubt
is there. It can be doubted. Belief in God, that's why it's possible to believe in God, is possible
not to believe in God. If you think I am a staunch believer in God, listen to Christopher Hitchens
for a while, slowly the staunch belief will be shaken a little bit at least. Richard Dawkins,
Daniel Dennett. So it's possible to doubt. But I am, nobody ever doubts it. So it's self-evident
and it's self-luminous. It does not depend on anything else for expressing it. It shines and
because you shine, you are shining, therefore all else, all sources of knowledge and all knowables
are revealed to you by your own light. These are not, you know philosophical speculation. It's just the way
things are. Now one last point. How can it become so powerful, so effortless, so continuous that
always you will clearly see it's Brahman alone which exists. Here this requires manifestation.
This is what is called Jeevan Mukti. It's not enough to understand it. It's not even enough to
gain some clarity about it. Understanding then is followed by clarity. Clarity and understanding go
together. There's no doubt anymore. Then conviction comes. It's absolutely true. But even after that
one must live accordingly. If I am that one consciousness, then you and I are not different.
I really can never be angry with you. I really can never ever hate you. I can never see the
slightest difference between you and me. I really cannot be upset with the problems of the body.
Ill health, pain, old age, disease and inevitable death of the body should be nothing to me. I am
limitless existence consciousness. I also will not go through ups and downs with the inevitable ups
downs of the mind. But that will be a struggle. The more we are able to manifest our understanding,
clarity and conviction, the more you will be able to say with confidence, I not only know,
I not only understand, I'm not only convinced but it's an effortless fact for me. One limitless
consciousness bliss exists and in that the entire universe appears.