- Now, this is a crazy busy time of year.
Lights, presents, activities, and many social obligations.
A lot of these things can leave us feeling exhausted
and wishing that the season would just end quicker.
Really, that's not right.
That's not okay.
So let's chat about when you should say yes
and when you should say no.
If this is your first time here, my name is Robyn.
I help overwhelmed people simplify their lives
through organization, productivity,
and creating an environment where they can thrive.
Now, grab your Christmas tea and let's go.
(festive music)
Now, last year, there were no Christmas parties
or activities around here with COVID going on,
so I have to be grateful that a lot of these things
have resumed, but I honestly, I don't want to go overboard.
Let me tell you about that.
Along with some social obligations pressure,
frustration, fatigue, and anxiety, it all can be too much.
Now, my neuro-diverse audience
and my not-so-neuro-diverse audience
can both understand that it can be stressful.
There are so many problems here, so let's discuss.
Now, when I was younger, I lived alone, which I loved.
I also loved going to any party I was invited to.
I worked as a shift worker as a dispatcher,
four on, four off, and I had lots of free time,
lots of time to relax and to enjoy myself.
I also planned a lot of the parties and it was great.
I did not understand people being undecided about attending
and honestly, I get it now.
I completely, completely get it.
So as we get older, there are way more obligations at home
with kids and spouses, and if you don't have those,
your energy levels aren't quite what they used to be.
Now, when I was living alone, I could be an introvert.
I had lots of time to recharge, lots of time for my friends
and yet, now, I'm around people all of the time.
Even when I'm at work,
I enjoy chatting with my patients and with my coworkers.
I'm that extroverted introvert you might know.
Now, I can be amicable and fun, but then on my break,
I seriously, I put my ear buds in
and I just want some time to myself to recharge
for that next round of people.
So why are we saying yes to so many obligations
on our days off?
Now, we need to recharge in what works for us.
I'm also not saying that you should say no to everything
and I will get into when to say yes in a minute,
but first, when should you say no?
Choose carefully what you say yes to
and don't suffer from FOMO.
Now, you've probably heard of FOMO
and that is the fear of missing out.
Don't let this drive you because you could regret saying yes
to so many things.
You honestly only have so much energy
and really only so many days,
and how many times have you overdone it in December?
Probably a lot.
I remember a few years ago, I attended a Christmas party
for one of my nursing units.
Now, as a casual nurse, I work on several units
and I do that so I can have as much work as I want.
Well, I had heard that one of these units
had awesome Christmas parties with skits and everything.
So I was like, sure, I'll attend.
I don't know why, but I honestly get nervous
when going to events, and this was no different.
Like I walked in the door and I was like,
oh, where am I going to sit?
Who do I know? Oh my gosh.
You honestly are like,
you want to find somebody you know immediately.
Anyway, I sat with some work buddies
and was having a somewhat good time.
I mean, the food was great.
This skits were okay.
They really weren't as good as I heard they were.
And I honestly remember getting in a photo of nurses
and I was like, this is great.
Like we're having our photo taken.
And later, I saw on social media
that I was actually cropped out of the photo.
Like they cropped me out of the photo.
And I was like, I mean, it makes sense
and I think it's honestly nothing against me,
but I think they were like, you hardly work here,
so why are we having you in the photo?
But I was like, this is what I gave up my night at home for?
A good meal?
Sure, but okay entertainment
and being cropped out of a photo?
Lesson learned.
I certainly was not going to be attending
any of their parties again.
And I honestly only have so many nights on earth
and I need to be careful what I say yes to.
And plus, there are far better unit parties anyway,
but the thing is,
I can chat with these people at work any time.
I like them.
I like them a lot, but I don't have that much time or energy
to be attending work parties
when there are other things going on.
Let me give you an example.
You could be invited to a work Christmas party,
a get-together with your friends,
and a friend who is inviting a multilevel marketing event.
One of those three things lights you up.
Which one really gives you energy?
And when you are done,
what are you going to feel like afterwards?
Are you going to be good? You going to be happy?
For me, it's the time with my friends.
I can enjoy a nice evening with some lovely, lovely ladies
and I am going out for dinner with them tonight
and I am so excited.
I just smile thinking of how much I love my friends.
It's not too busy.
It's not too loud.
Just some great times.
We often will go to my friend Cheryl's house
and we do the Christmas gift exchange, stealing things.
It's so fun and we all bring our own dish
and it is just such a great time.
I honestly love it.
Meaningful connections
and I will never regret any of our dinners.
So I always remember what is important
and what is not important.
And also, don't let social media sway you ever for anything.
A lot of the things you're looking at,
they are not realistic.
Maybe it is fun, maybe it is festive,
but you don't want to go to everything.
Also, your friends might be really, really tired.
And review your obligations.
Do you have to say yes?
Like, do you really have to say yes, like really?
Like, do you really have to say yes?
We talked about FOMO, but what about JOMO?
JOMO is so much better.
It is the joy of missing out.
Now, I always just picture myself reading in my cozy bedroom
when I think about JOMO,
and honestly, it just sounds so much better.
Now, perhaps you should say yes to a family event.
Maybe it's one that can be kind of boring,
but you might just see a few aunts and uncles,
but overall, you're like, it's not amazing.
Now, for me, I generally love my family events.
I just love it.
But sometimes you're just too over-committed.
You have too much going on.
Now, my advice would be to consider
what else you have going on
and whether you have the energy.
Honestly, maybe you should just skip this year.
For the most part,
I try to make every single family event I can,
but sometimes, if I'm super over committed,
I maybe would say no.
I haven't ever, but I'm not saying you shouldn't.
I'm just saying, look at your schedule
and make sure that you have some downtime.
Do you ever say yes to things
and think, what the heck is wrong with me?
Why did I say yes again?
Then you need to practice saying no.
- No.
- Just go to the mirror and practice.
Now, you don't need to say,
oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
Just say, sorry, I can't make it this year.
Easy.
Remember, repeat after me.
Sorry, I can't make it this year.
Maybe you want to, but you are like,
in the grand scheme of things, I can't make it
because I have too many other things going on
and I need some downtime.
Now, you have to consider your energy.
Like I keep saying, it's so important.
If you are an introvert like me
and you get your energy from time spent alone, that's okay.
That doesn't mean you never want to be around people.
It just means you get your energy from time spent alone.
So when you are around a lot of people,
then you need some time alone.
Even extroverted introverts need a lot of time alone.
Extroverts, they're a completely different species
and to be honest, I think they're in the minority,
but I bet they need downtime, too.
They just can handle a lot more time with people.
Now, remember, you only have so many Christmases
and only so much energy, so use it wisely.
So when should you say yes?
Now, I think that you should say yes
when you want to say yes.
Now, if you have anxiety, be very careful
that you aren't saying no out of that anxiety.
Now, that might be kind of a different video altogether,
but I really want to say this.
Will you regret not going?
And is it really JOMO or is it fear-based nos?
Say to yourself, will I feel good after I go?
Will this light me up?
Will the people I'm with light me up?
Then yes, you should go.
Yes, you might be tired at the end
and maybe you will need to spend a whole day recovering,
but will you be glad that you attended?
Probably.
And will your energy be well-spent?
Definitely.
If it's a yes, then you need to go.
Just be careful you don't over commit yourself
and that you give yourself plenty of rest time.
Now, I think you would like this video here
and I will see you in the next video.
Thank you so much for watching.
Bye.
(festive music)