- What's up? I'm John Leguizamo hosting "The Daily Show."
(phone ringing)
That's your phone, mom.
It's your tone. - Yes.
- You have to wake up now.
Okay, and I have a very special guest that she just blew it
because her phone went off.
But my mom is here with us
and I wanna ask you a couple questions.
I wanna show the people at home
what it's like when we're at home.
I mean, we don't live in the same place anymore.
- Right. - Thank God for you 'cause...
Tell the audience how big a pain in neck I was.
This is your chance to get off your chest
'cause if you don't say it now-
- Oh, my god. - We'll bring it up
at dinner next week, or the week after, or at Christmas
or, like, when we have the whole family around you,
witnesses. - Yeah.
Well, since you were tiny, tiny, a toddler,
it was a little demon running everywhere,
had so much energy, it was almost impossible too-
- But I kept you thin.
- You did. - Yeah, 'cause a hyper child
is a good thing.
- Yes. (laughs) - People don't realize it.
We bring a lot of benefits to parents.
So Mom, you saw "The Daily Show" last night.
What'd you think? What's your review, your critique?
- Oh, think that- - 'Cause you always got notes.
- I think, yes, I think that you look great
and you were funny.
And I also love very much when you talk to Ana.
- Oh, yeah. Ana's the bomb.
- It was amazing
and all my friends- - But you liked her better
than me, right?
- And all my friends said, "Oh, fantastico, beautiful.
He's great. Oh my God, my god."
It was every second. - But did have notes?
Did you have some criticisms though
Did I mess up something? Did I miss for you?
- No, I did not have criticisms
because I was happy seeing you there, and you look-
- Like when you come see my Broadway shows,
you always have notes.
- Yes, but because they are longer, I mean,
you know, it's two hours.
- And what did I tell you about notes?
- Sometimes you take them, sometimes you say,
"Please don't tell me."
(both laughing)
- It's mostly, "Please don't tell me."
- Yes. Yes.
- You're not a director. - Yes.
- You're not part of the DGA. - Yes.
- You're not an equity. - Yes,
you tell me all those things. - So no notes.
Yeah, no notes allowed.
- So I keep them to myself. - Yes. That's the best way.
I love that.
Now tell us a story, like a good, funny story growing up.
Tell 'em the story
about when you were dating that Egyptian guy.
- Oh, my god.
- My parents got divorced
and then my mom, you know, is a single mom.
- Yeah, so I went to a luncheon of bankers
and I meet this guy that is supposedly
because the friend who invited me to the lunch-
- This is for TikTok. 90 seconds or less.
- Okay. Oh, sorry.
- Otherwise, the poor editors, gotta know how-
- This guy-
- You're giving us too much backstory.
Just, let's get to the- - I met this guy
that was Egyptian, and my friend told me he's very rich.
The guy came up to me and said, "Oh, you are very nice.
I would like to have dinner with you.
Would you like to have dinner with me?"
- Luz, you gotta get to the, that's the preamble.
We haven't even to the story yet,
and that's you before you started dating.
- Okay, okay. I said-
- We don't need his biography.
- Okay, he asked me for dinner and I said, "All right."
He said, "When is good?"
I said, "Saturday night."
- Right.
- So I was living in Queens,
and so he said, "I'll pick you up at 7:30."
So it happens that he probably came 7:00 that night.
- My god, this is a tall story version of it.
- Right. - This is gonna be
the "War and Peace," "Crime and Punishment" version.
- (laughs) So it happens that he comes before.
- Yeah.
- And so I'm in the bathroom. I'm taking a shower when he-
- Oh, my God, you're gonna go
through the whole shower, come on.
So the guy- - No,
because that what happen. - Comes to the house.
Let's get to the- - Yeah, okay.
- Let's get to the date. - The guy comes to the house,
rings the bell, John opens,
and I had told the guy,
"Please wait for me at the car.
Just let me know that you are there,
and wait for me at the car."
But the cab guy comes, and John opens, and John says,
the guy says to John,
he didn't know that I have two children.
I didn't tell him, so I-
- Conveniently left that out.
- I left that out.
- You know, you gotta, I mean,
nobody wants to date somebody with children.
- Right, with two boys
that were a little dangerous. (laughs)
- Oh, yeah.
- So John says to him, instead of saying,
"Yeah, she will come out in 10 minutes," or whatever,
he says, "Please come in."
He invites him in.
- Well, you told us not to leave our rooms.
- Yeah.
- And not to talk to the man.
So I came out- - Exactly.
- to talk to the man dating my mom
to try to wreck the date for him.
- Yes. So he- - 'Cause I was 13 or whatever.
- So what happens is, they invite him in.
He comes in,
and he told me after- - And then my brother and I
sit on either side of the guy.
- Yes. He told me- - To question him.
- He said, "Your son,"
after he found out that you were my sons,
he said, "Each one sat on each side."
And he said, "When I started talking, I think your older son
started answering to me with my same accent.
And then your older son was laughing."
You know, Sergio was laughing.
- He was my stooge.
- Yeah, and so he says- - My sidekick.
- "I was," at the beginning, I said,
Is he mocking me?" - Mocking him.
- "Or is my..."
You know, but so he said,
"I kept talking to them and John kept answering to me,
I mean, your son kept answering to me with my accent."
You know what, the guy took me to the dinner.
He didn't come back to Queens.
He sent me with the driver and I never heard of him anymore.
- Well, good. We got rid of him.
That was just a test.
That was the story.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for joining us.
Next week we'll go into another very long, in-depth story
brought to you by the Leguizamos.
Do you still hold out hope
that someday I'm gonna get a real job?
- Well, I wasn't, when I saw your first,
when you invited me to that school that you were-
- P.S. 122 downtown. - No, no, no, no.
When you were already taking...
- P.S. 122. - Grammar lessons.
- Sylvia was her...
- Silvia Lee Showcase Theater.
That wasn't a school. Oh, acting school.
- The acting school.
When, you know, before that,
I thought maybe, you know,
he's going to be at this for a couple of months
and then he was going to do something else.
But when I saw that show, I said, "Oh, my god,
he is going to be an actor."
He was 10 minute,
it was a 10 or 15 minute. - I got it like that.
I do. I was always- - Its was amazing to me.
- Doing voices at parties. - And I said, "Oh, my."
I said, "My son's going to be an actor."
So I said to myself- - Latin people can talk
at the same time- - "I need to help him."
- And hear the conversation. - "I need to help him."
- We do this at Christmas parties and Thanksgiving,
we all talk at the same, cross conversations,
and hear each other, right?
- Yeah.
Before I got divorced, I got a fur coat.
And one day, I came home, and he was with my fur coat
being like a- - Pimp.
- Like a pimp. - I was-
- I don't know. I don't think this is for mass consumption.
- I was laughing.
Oh, my god, I thought that it was so funny,
because he was really acting like a pimp.
He had a hat, my fur coat
and I think he was hilarious. - All right.
Thank you everybody. We're moving on.
Luz Leguizamo.
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
(upbeat music)