Also something to keep in mind. Pretty basic, but: L.O.U.I.S.C.K.
Listen, only under intimate situations, caress knob.
[laughter]
Great.
It’s been a year since the #MeToo movement made headlines,
and since then, we’ve realized there are creeps everywhere.
In Hollywood, on the news, in orange crocs...which we could’ve seen coming...
and now on the Supreme Court – for a second time!
It’s caused many to redouble their efforts against sexual assault,
and others to miss the point completely.
It’s a very scary time for young men in America.
REPORTER: Who are you scared most for, your sons or your daughters?
Right now, I’d say my sons.
Beyond the trolls though, some men are taking it upon themselves
to right the wrongs exposed by the #MeToo movement.
Meet Matthew Solomon.
I am an empowerment coach, I specialize in relationships and communication.
And I wrote the book “Man School: Relating With Women In The MeToo Era.”
Do men need a class on not sending an unsolicited dick pic?
A whole class on that, maybe not, but as part of a class, evidently, because it happens all the time.
“Man School” covers topics like rape culture in movies, toxic masculinity,
and issues that have stumped dudes for millennia such as “Women are not men.”
What compelled to write "Man School"?
Women started posting their stories with the hashtag MeToo.
And even knowing the magnitude of it, seeing it there was so humbling and it was so overwhelming.
But there were all these men who had no idea.
And they didn't know how to react and how to respond,
because they would speak up and do the stuff that people do.
Things like harassment, gaslighting, whataboutism, and telling women their experiences don’t matter.
Yeah, we’ve been on the internet.
Do you find it ironic that you're a guy that has to explain all these things
that women have been saying for years?
No.
Why not?
Because I know that men haven't generally been listening to women for years.
So you're like mansplaining sexism which is...
To men.
It's like good mansplaining.
If you're mansplaining to men, maybe it's good.
If a man’s mansplaining ... I don't know, I got lost in the space continuum of sexism.
Everything you’re saying sounds great, but, like,
how do I know you're not like that guy who wears a feminist t-shirt
but then is secretly kind of a creep.
Yeah. I'm not.
You sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.
Ok Matthew. Let’s put your methods to the test with a real Man School.
We gathered seven dudes in a room on a Friday to give them a lesson
in how to be one of the good guys in the MeToo era and also to hear from them.
Welcome to Man School: Unlearning 2000 Years of Patriarchy. Thank you for being here.
I would love to know from each of you what you hope to get out of today.
I realized how sexist I’ve been, and even not realizing that was a problem.
You know, it’s been a continual process for me to learn
how to interact with women especially compared to, I don't know,
my freshman year of college where you get tons of bad advice.
I’ve been getting close in relationships but once I hit a certain point, I kinda screw it up.
I want to know from you guys, what are your fears?
Men are becoming uncomfortable in their own skin because of what we’re seeing.
Is there a concern about where the line is?
What you can or can’t do?
You know, there are people who legitimately...
when they interact sexually, like play violence or something like that.
I think that’s maybe one thing that some guys are worried about.
There is that fear that, you know, hey
so you get with someone in Palm Springs during a film festival
and you have mad rocking sex because you drank a bunch of Tito's and soda...
Why does this example feel not hypothetical.
That’s ok, they’re sharing.
Why isn’t there like a consent app?
People can sign in and you say yes or no. I think that would be -
I bet there is a consent app. I bet that exists.
But my understanding is that consent has to be a continual thing.
So even if you hit “Yes, I’m down right now,”
you have the right to change your mind,
unless the app is constantly sending you notifications to re-up the consent.
Oh my god. They are pitching an app.
Triggered.
So let me ask you this. What are some of things that you as men do to ensure your safety on a daily basis?
I try to have different passwords for all my different websites.
[laughter]
So in regards to personal safety, women have shared 34 things that they do on a daily basis.
Want me to read these?
Yeah.
34 things...
For their personal safety.
“Walk with our keys grasped between our fingers in case we need to use them as a weapon.
Never leave a drink unattended at a party.
Cross the street when we see men who look like they might be drunk.” Definitely do that.
“Make sure we’re not the only woman on the subway or bus.
Parking next to a lightpost when it’s dark outside.
Decide not to open Facebook messages from unknown men
who could see the messages have been read and become hostile and harassing.”
Yes you do become hostile.
It would never occur to me to do 90% of the stuff on that list,
but it’s shocking to see you go “yup, yup yup” to everyone you recognized.
There’s one I kind of have questions about details on, for example,
if you do happen to be walking behind a woman at night,
is it better to speed up and pass her, slow down, build distance?
I mean, what about bells?
[laughter]
Could also work. We have whistles, you have bells.
It’s just a very merry sidewalk. What else can we do to make women feel safe?
Use our male privilege to call out problematic males.
Go out and affirmatively express your support
when there’s an issue that’s being discussed that’s of importance to women.
Some orange-haired knucklehead a couple weeks ago said
it’s a rough time for young men in this country.
We need to be held accountable, we need to educate ourselves, we need to educate our young sons.
Her experience is her experience, the thing that she’s telling you, that’s what happened.
So in other words, a helpful acronym -
B.R.A.H. Believe rape accounts, homie.
[laughter]
H.O.M.I.E: we believe those rape accounts with heart, open-mindedness, intelligence and empathy.
So we’re gonna put that into practice.
Yeah let’s put that into practice.
We need a volunteer.
Francesca is confiding in you something that happened,
possibly a MeToo moment or a story with someone who’s been misbehaving so you get as a man,
get her experience and support her in that moment.
I know this is hard to hear, but your brother just grabbed my butt completely,
like two hands. Full palms.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I mean, I’m surprised to hear that but I'm really, really sorry to hear that.
Because that’s not ok, that’s not cool. Is there anything I can do?
Just tell him not to touch your friends. Or tell him not to touch anyone.
Obviously. Yeah.
Awesome, how was that?
I’m thinking about my own brothers. I can’t imagine that happening with my own brothers
so it was hard for me to put myself in a place where I would relate to that,
but I suppose in life you have to get over that because there are people in your life that are gonna surprise you.
For this next scenario,
Francesca’s gonna be playing the man who’s saying inappropriate things about women,
so Juan here gets to speak up and be an ally.
Brett is a really good guy like I don’t know what all these women are talking about.
I never saw Brett act that way. I’ve known him for years.
But you’re a dude, you’re not gonna see it with him.
But I was with him through all of high school, prep school, college.
Obviously she’s doing it for the money and for the fame.
Name one of Cosby’s accusers. One that got famous.
Um, there’s a tennis player.
Time out. Awesome.
So in this scenario we’re getting into the debate. Right?
What if instead of arguing the facts, you came from, “what do you suppose it was like for her?”
Interesting, so I’m supposed to get him to empathize with the victim.
Try that.
OK, Cool.
How about you have evidence of the rape before you go around accusing a bunch of men...
Am I really friends with this dude?
[laughter]
Dude what are you talking about? You’ve known me forever! It’s Chad.
Three hours later and these males are finally ready to be released back into the wild.
You guys made it, you’ve done Man School! Give yourselves a round of applause.
And while there are no cookies for doing the right thing in real life,
there are in Man School. And prizes.
I learned about B.R.A.H. Believe rape accounts, homie ...
I need to be more sympathetic in conversation and ask more questions,
I think are the big two things to take away.
You don't really get too many opportunities to see people open up
and actually express what their innermost thoughts and feelings are.
Especially men. So that was really refreshing for me.
What should women understand about men in the Metoo era?
That men are extremely sensitive.
You know we have feelings and emotions that we're not really taught that we're allowed to have those,
and then we sure as heck can't express those.
Do you think there should be a Man School?
Absolutely. I think there should be a Man School, a teen school.
Relationships and communication should be taught as part of curriculum.
So will men ever be able to unlearn patriarchy?
Maybe not after one class, but hey, the first step is showing up.