hey guys ~
welcome back
so this video we're going to do a year end review
I want to go through this video of the 8 Things I Want To Do More of in 2018
to remind myself of the goals and the dreams
and the wishes I had for myself for 2018
and review whether I did a great job
and am deserving of, you know.. a couple pats on the back
or if there's areas of improvement
and what I'd like to bring with me into 2019
so if you haven't watched that video already..
you can watch it but I don't think you really need to watch it
because I'm gonna read through some of these things
cause I just read through it I'm like..
dude Rowena..
some of the things you wrote..
*thumbs up* wow! super bang!
and if you don't know what "bang" means..
Chinese is like.. "bang" is like..
great! bang bang! very bang!
if you guys are like.. oh that looks different
well you're right
let me really quickly show you guys
I went through this in my last.. in my previous video
that's my old leaning desk
that was just so uninspiring
that's the thing I built in last week's video
and I just decided to move a couple of things around
there will be a few more things that I'm gonna change
I just kind of threw on plants and posters
onto that so that it's not completely bare and white
but anyway you guys didn't come here for an updated apartment tour
we'll do that in the future
so the first thing is do more of what makes me uncomfortable
while the act of doing things that make you uncomfortable
may not feel the best in the moment
a little bit of discomfort can actually go a long way
a good reminder and reference point that feelings of resistance and discomfort
are sure signs that we're learning, growing, expanding, and challenging
ourselves to move onward and upward
so a few things that I wanted to do is to meet more like-minded people
collab with other Youtubers
and put myself out there even more
and not be afraid to try new things
work with different people inside and outside of the industry
so I feel like overall..
I did a pretty good job of getting comfortable with the uncomfortable
um...
I met really awesome people this year
and I feel like because my time was still
mostly preoccupied by this channel and by Beauty Within
I didn't meet as many people as I hoped I would
and when I say like I met new people it's like
I actually got to know a handful..
you know less than five people outside of my immediate circle
who are creators and who I actually do know pretty well now
that I am really happy that I do know them
I'm so happy that YouTube has given me this experience
and this opportunity to be able to meet
people who are doing things that I'm doing
people who care about the things that I care about
but that being said I still felt like I hid behind this mask of
I'm so busy and I'm just working all the time
so I'm using that as an excuse..
excuse that it's ok that I'm not spreading my wings even more
and I think that's something that I'm working on for sure in 2019
of I'm really putting myself out there
and making myself really uncomfortable either it be speaking engagements
either it be like hosting events, doing events, doing more meetups
so those are areas of improvement
but as with all things we should also celebrate the small wins
and one thing that made me really uncomfortable was
I really didn't want to host on Beauty Within
if you have.. okay..
if you give me the opportunity of Rowena..
do you want to be in front of the camera or do you want to be behind the camera
my initial reaction is I'd rather be behind the camera
I'd rather work on business and strategy and like data
and that kind of stuff
for my channel, if there were other people
out here doing what I'm doing
and just like..
really just wanting to help people for the sake of helping people
really wanting to create content for..
you know..
all of us little potatoes who just felt so lost and alone
and crazy for having the big dreams that we had
or just questioning our existence because people around us
and our peers weren't operating on the same wavelength
*gibberish* as us
it's making me a little emotional
um..
if someone were doing that already I wouldn't be doing this
I would prefer to just live in a little cave
and just like be a potato for the whole day
and just be with my parents and spend time with my family all the time
going back to Beauty Within..
again like if I had the choice to host or not to host..
I would prefer to not to host
but a lot of that is I realize..
you know.. it's not about like..
it is about me but like it's not about me
if it's for a greater purpose, if it's for a greater goal
if it's for a greater mission that I believe in
like my own channel and Beauty Within
which is to help individuals like you and I
navigate like the ever-changing and complex landscape of beauty
and also that beauty really stems from within
and how can we tap into that more so than like..
things we put on our face
so that was the first thing I did
the second thing I did was doing my first meetup in Taipei
and it was one of the most low-key nerve-racking experiences of my life
if you guys can't tell already
I'm actually like a pretty shy and introverted person who..
you know..
like prefers to just like do my own thing in my own cave
but the fact that I got to meet 7 of you guys
and like talk about so many things
have so many heart to hearts
and just share things that we've never really shared with other people before
that was such a..
like it made my heart so full and it made me so happy
so definitely more of this to come
so the second thing I want to do more of is to plan more
and specifically I wanted to keep a journal
or keep some sort of like a daily journal type thing
where I am far more regimented with my schedule
and with knowing the things that I need to do
uh..
I honestly believe that had I stuck to this goal
that I set for myself in January
this year would have been a lot less stressful
and a lot less painful
because after I started getting busy
I just defaulted to a combination of post-it notes
this like digital online to-do list
and Google Calendar
so these are just the 3 things that I use on a daily basis
which has worked for me
but I know that if I actually have a daily planner
it could actually help a lot which is actually why I'm so excited
Aileen just sent me..
let me uhh.. let me go grab it
so these are the planners from Aileen
this is the Artist of Life Workbook
and this is the daily planner from Lavendaire
so I'm actually low-key so excited about this
and I love how she has a section for self-care
so.. that's that
again I think for 2019
I'm actually gonna do my best to try to.. try to stay with this
and I like how the top.. it's not um...
you can fill out yourself like The Five Minute Journal
so that if you miss a week or a month or half a year
you can still use this
yes, lots of things that I could still be working on
ooo! one thing that did help a lot when I really did it consistently
was The Five Minute Journal
the 3 months that I did it every single day
I did feel the happiest and the most positive and the most grateful
I think overall as a person
I'm a pretty positive and optimistic person
but sometimes it's it's so easy when you're stressed and overwhelmed
to just default to you know more negative thoughts
and not be as positive as you usually are
so I would recommend that
I'm gonna link all of these things down below
so the third thing
so the third point was to deepen my faith in myself
in God, in the universe, in Buddhas
in anything that you guys believe in
and for me..
I think I'll go into detail on this in my video
that's going to come on like everything about my spiritual practice
what Falun Dafa is, how it's helped me
and how it's allowed me to grow into the person
that I've always known I was capable of becoming
but in a nutshell I feel like this year was the first year
that I truly understood what it meant that
if you believe..
that there's someone greater taking care of you
you will be taken care of
and I think it took me reaching..
so like compared to before when I was like in a really dark and lonely place
and I was like ten levels under rock bottom
it was a very different feeling this time around this year
but there were multiple times throughout this year
where I just felt like the burden of the world is on my shoulders
and I just felt like there's this there's such a huge responsibility
for me to do the things that I need to do
and there were moments where I just knew
it wouldn't like it's not humanly and physically possible
for me to be able to do half the things that I'm doing
those were the moments where I legit like..
I've never begged for help
I'm not the type to really ask people for help
because I think growing up I just felt like
if I could handle it then I'll just handle it
because that's just you know it's what I do
it's what I gre.. it's what I grew up knowing
but this was the first year where I was just like..
I can't do it
as much as I believe in myself and as much as I want to do it
and as badly as I want to do it like..
I need some divine intervention
I need some like divine wisdom to show me the way
because I don't know what to do
and in those moments..
there'll be days where I literally just wake up
roll over, get on my knees, and I'm just like a little turtle on my bed
like this but like on the floor of just like
I don't even know what I'm doing with my hands
maybe it's like this
or I'm just like please help me
I need help like I don't know what to do
and I kid you not
the day of I will get a sign or someone will come talk to me
or just like something will happen for me to be like..
ahh....
it was answered and I got my sign
but anyway I feel like
I'll get into all this in the video that's coming
but I feel like this year
I did breakthrough immensely in my faith
and like just..
I feel like when you're put in very trying situations
and when your life gets a lot more complicated
or the more complicated it is
the more you need to rely on something like faith and like belief
either in yourself, either in something greater than yourself
whatever it is
and I feel like this year was super bang bang once again
and I need to take that with me into 2019
and I can also of course like with all things in life
there's definitely more room for me to improve as well
so the fifth thing is putting more effort into looking presentable
and I feel like overall
compared to what I was end of 2017 and even the beginning of 2018
you know the fact that I'm wearing shirts that are colorful
that are not black or white t-shirts
and the fact that you know I'm...
*closeup Rowena* I'm trying to like..
can you guys see? no? (◠‿◠)
putting in a little bit more effort
into making my makeup face look decent
I'm like actually trying to learn makeup
I'm actually trying to learn beauty
I think being a host on Beauty Within has for sure
inspired me to want to learn these things more
because I actually don't really know how to..
you know I just try..
and if it works and it works
so overall I think this year has been great
and I will continue to move forward with this newfound inspiration
to want to look more presentable
and want to put a little bit more effort into how I look
without of course like going to the other extreme
so there is a video that I made of Trying to Dress Better as Self Care
and it's like oh..
it's like how I used to dress back when I was younger
versus how I dressed versus how I'm trying to dress now
and I kind of walk through like
why I didn't care about how I dressed for a while
and like why I'm starting to care again
so...
that is uh.. that is that
the next thing is to create more and consume less
happiest when creating
knowing what makes you happy and do more of it
so I wanted to create more manifestos
I wanted to create more letters to the boy I love
which are more like artsy shorter creative videos
that I haven't.. I just haven't had time
it's such an excuse
but I just I haven't had time to just breathe
so of course I don't have time to dream about these things
and like conceptualize and like..
script and write out and brainstorm these fanciful ideas
I talked about this in my previous video of how this is gonna change
I am grateful of the opportunity of how stressed I was
so that I was able to create a series of videos and vlogs
of how I was so stressed and how I was able to overcome them
and how so many of you guys found them very useful and very helpful
but I reached the point as I said in last week's video that like
I no longer want to live as I have
in terms of how hard I push myself
I'm glad I did that
and I knew I had to do that for me to move forward
and for me to know where my limits are
but now that I know where it is
I'm like literally standing on the edge of the cliff like looking down
and if I continued I would have like..
*drop dead*
so I'm..
I'm going to make more time this year
starting with the videos that I'm going to be creating
towards the end of the year
so...
*thumbs up*
more creating, less consuming
and uh..
I think I had a relatively healthy relationship with kdramas this year
actually I lied I stayed up til 6 AM sunrise a few times
watching a few dramas which I'm not proud of but it happens
stay / maintain a state of gratitude and compassion
one of the main things that I learned this year about gratitude
is that whenever I found myself stressed..
I just turned stress into something that I'm grateful for
so like if I'm stressed about work
I'm so grateful that I get to do something I love for work
and I'm so grateful that the work that I do is meaningful work
that I feel could really help make the world a little better
and if I'm stressed about like my mom nagging me
then it's like I'm so grateful that I have a mom who cares about me
I'm so stressed that my co-workers aren't pulling their weight
it's like I'm so grateful that I have co-workers who are on my team
who I can rely on, who I can work with, and who I can improve with
the power of gratitude really is such an amazing thing
and Tony Robbins talks about this all the time
when you're overwhelmed with this feeling of gratitude
feeling of appreciation and just pure like..
ahh...
I'm so lucky to have the things that I have
you can't feel anything else
and I think that's so true
and this is something that
I've definitely gotten better at this year
but I could implement more during times of high stress
and during times of just feeling like..
I don't know the world owes me something
the world doesn't owe us anything
but I forgot every once in awhile here and there
alright so the last point is to be more consistent
to be consistent in my day-to-day routines
consistent in going to bed earlier
waking up earlier
consistent meditating and doing Qi Gong exercises daily
consistent in reading, consisted in learning, consistent in being
and I feel like I definitely was not consistent this year
I didn't sleep early, I didn't wake up early
I didn't stay consistent with meditating and with doing Qi Gong
and I didn't learn as much as I could
and I didn't read as much as I could
and I feel like it's okay
like it really is okay like..
it's not okay in a sense that
I didn't do those things that I know I should be doing
but it's okay in a sense where
I knew that the time that I spent on doing other things
other than what I wanted to be doing was time relatively well spent
I'm saying relatively because I was just working the whole time
and I really believe that what I did
and the time that I spent doing these things
are helping me push myself to where I need to be exactly right now
but again, I know that this is where I draw the line of
I push myself enough
now I need to go back to my roots
of taking care of *<3*
and my faith and just meditating more
and just...
I just need a routine
and I just need to not be stressed so much
because no one can sustain for that long
being as overwhelmed and as hard on yourself as I was
as a lot of us are to ourselves
so I think because we still have one more month left
for me to implement all the things
that I feel like I should have done better at
I'm not gonna give like a full recap of 2018
but I will say that this was probably
one of my most challenging years to date
because there was just..
I was faced with a lot of new challenges
I was faced with a lot of new growing pains
a lot of new struggles and stress
that I wasn't used to and that I wasn't familiar with
so it was kind of like learning something for the first time
and going through new things for the first time
which I really truly do believe that
it's helped me so much grow and to become the person that I am today
and it's helped me so much in bringing me to where I am today
with this channel, with Beauty Within
with everything that is going on in my life
had I not gone through all the ups and downs and highs and lows of this year
and all the previous years of my life
I wouldn't be where I am today
and I wouldn't be able to talk about and share about
and just do the things that I'm doing now
so it's a great reminder for myself and for you that..
yeah like sometimes things may look so..
the future may look so bleak
it may look like there's nothing there
and it's just like complete darkness
but it's in these moments..
if you're able to find the light within yourself
find the light within something that's greater than yourself
and follow that light
no matter how weak the flickers are
or no matter how hopeless it may all feel that
there is hope for all of us and there is a light within all of us
we just need to believe in ourselves enough
to believe that it's there
and that it can help us and it can help guide us
and with that we've reached the end of the video
I hope you enjoyed this video
and I'll see you guys in next week's video
it will probably be..
something along the lines of 26 things I learned at 26
I don't know if it's actually gonna be 26 points
or if it's gonna be a little lower but whatever the case..
I hope you guys have
a beautiful rest of your morning, your night, your evening
your evening is night
just have a wonderful day
I'll see you guys next time
baii ~