Karen is here with her daughter, Alexis
who has financial and family problems.
Alexis, why are you so angry?
I'm so angry because I lost my child's father
at a young age and I wish I could be more supportive to her.
Yes and you know, your daughter is angry too.
And at the age that she lost her father,
at the age of eight, that's very traumatic
developmentally for a child, because they don't
really have the words to express all of their pain,
they do act out and they act out around everybody,
because it's a way for them to check
that the safety is still there.
So, if you're providing structure to her,
then she feels safer, but it makes sense to me
that she's having all of these issues at school.
But every time I provide structure, I feel like
my mom intervenes.
Mom, do you feel that What do you mean by that?
Like, if I'm telling Day-day no, that you'll
be on punishment, this, that and the third;
I don't know how to say it in a nice calm way.
I'm more of anger, I express my anger by yelling and
Okay, you have to get better at that.
Yes and my mom don't like that,
so then she steps in and intervene
and say no, Day-day come on, I feel like
she always, cuddling my daughter and not letting
You don't feel like you're a united front
when it comes to listen these are the rules that I'm
going to have for my child and I need for us to
be on the same page with that.
And this is what I try to express to my mom,
but it never Then what happens?
She clashes with me and say you're wrong and
Mom, do you think that Alexis is maybe too strict
or too harsh with her baby?
Yes, her words that she's using and
What are the words that she's using?
It's another cuss words
At a little girl?
At her daughter, yes
She really lashes out at her.
You know what you're doing is your actually
threatening your daughter's sense of safety
by yelling at her, by yelling in front of her
that's all going to give a child a sense of
She's always saying that she can't wait til
she's 18 for she can move out.
Oh my goodness
Oh, Alexis
Well wait a minute, I gotta ask this,
Alexis, your mom didn't speak to you like that
growing up, did she?
No, ma'am.
She did not.
Okay, then why would you talk like that to your child?
Angry.
Okay Alexis the time, I guarantee
this, I am a parent and I'm a single mom of three,
I guarantee you that those frustrations to our anger
of hurt and pain in whatever form it comes, when you
lash out at your kid, they will lash out back at you
in some form, in some way.
Because not only is she carrying
the death of her father, now she's carrying
the anger of her mother and she doesn't know
why mom's angry all the time, calling me names.
She goes to school and that manifests in crying
because she doesn't know how to express her emotions.
So do you understand the damage that you're doing
and not only that, your pushing your daughter away.
What's going to happen when she's 18 and she
leaves the home and doesn't want a relationship with you?
That is going to be painful for you.
Yes.
Are you prepared for something like that?
No ma'am, I'm not.
Or worse her daughter may take to drugs or alcohol
to take and mask the pain that she's feeling, as well.
And to run from the situation at home which you don't
want to happen.
Yes ma'am.
And Alexis I know that we're giving you
a lot of hard truth right now,
and I can tell that your intentions are good,
you obviously want to turn this around.
Yes ma'am, I want to.
Do you just sometimes feel like you're helpless?
Meaning you don't know to do?
I feel like I don't have support
or nobody I could just talk to and just listen.
My mom is gonna judge me off of what I say and what I do.
Have you ever just told your mom, I just need
you to listen to me right now?
Yes ma'am, I have.
And what happened?
But she doesn't hardly talk to me
about anything 'cause I feel like she'll
confide, that's why I came here, 'cause I
think she confides in other people
and listen to them more then she does me.
So that's why I wanted to come see you, Vivaca
to see if you could get her to understand
that she has to try to better herself
and do better with her money, finances and her children.
Mm hmm