Wow, it's true, they told us in dental school,
if you push a person's tongue back,
you trigger the spit gland. See.
Yes, can I help you?
I said I wanted hot sauce,
and they're wasn't no hot sauce on my tray.
Sorry.
Here's some hot sauce.
You should have put it on my tray in the first place.
You know where I want to put it right now?
You watch your mouth.
You watch your mouth before I put my fist in it!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. You say you're sorry to the customer.
- Uh, but he-- - Apologize.
I'm so very sorry.
- You big--! - Calm, calm, calm, calm.
You wanna keep this job?
No, but I need to.
Hey there, Pork Chop. How you doing?
Doing just fine. Uh, you a trucker?
Uh, one second. Hey, hey, listen,
you're really not supposed to do that here in the lobby.
Okay? Thanks.
Sorry there, Pork Chop. Anyway, no, I'm not a trucker.
But here's a joke for ya.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Man, I don't know. Come on.
Anyone can roast beef... but nobody can pee soup.
Welcome to the new iCarly.
Ooh, looks like she's already got a few viewers.
Probably bots from Brazil.
This is still iCarly, but it's grown up now.
So today I thought I'd share my skin care routine.
According to the many, many targeted ads I get,
it's never too early to start using...
anti aging products.
Here's a basket of tacos and here's a stick.
Put the tacos on the stick,
then walk around, try to sell 'em.
You can't put tacos on a stick, they'll break.
Try it.
See? It's impossible.
I think the show looks a little too bright.
Can we bring down the lighting just a bit?
Look, it's really not your job to handle the lighting. Okay?
But you said I was going to be a producer.
Yeah, but you got to work your way up
to producing stuff like lights.
Okay. So what can I produce right now?
Why don't you go produce me
a toasted bagel with cream cheese?
Who are they?
Mama's little helpers.
They're fourth graders from Saint Mary's,
right down the street.
You've got a bunch of fourth graders
to make penny tees?
Yeah, and I'm only paying 'em five bucks a day.
[grunting] You said I needed a side hustle,
I'm side-hustling.
Say, "hello" to the latest Sandbassador.
Wow, that's amazing. Congrats.
Yeah.
But, they just gave you all this inventory?
Yeah, once I gave 'em $4,000, which was an amazing discount.
I can't believe you opened a restaurant in our school.
Believe it. 'Cause you are sitting in it.
You are sitting in my dream.
And you're not scared you're gonna get busted?
No way. I only let cool people in here.
Friends of ours. Eh?
Nobody's gonna rat me out.
And... if someone does,
they'll have to deal with my partner.
Sam's your partner?
My partner, my bodyguard,
and she makes a rockin' hot meat sandwich.
Let's just get Mr. Schneider and Mr. Newman
into a room together, and I'm sure we can settle
this dispute without going to court.
[knocking]
I'll call you later.
Come!
I brought you some antacid tablets.
Ah, thank you. The stress down at the office
has really been upsetting my stomach.
Can I talk to the blond salesgirl?
She's better than you.
Sam, get over here and help this moro... lady.
Sorry. I'm writing up an employee review...
of you.
No, no, no, no, no. You can't do that.
Only supervisors can write employee reviews.
I am a supervisor.
I gave Sam a promotion.
Wh... Sam's my boss now?!
Yep.
Back to work, Fred Bag.
Behold...
the Supertastic Sculpture of Stuff... Plus.
Impressive. Is it different from the old one?
No. It is the old one, just with more stuff.
Hence the plus.
Uh, hi, Shane.
Hey, Sam.
A kissing booth?
Uh-huh.
Yeah, what, uh, charity does the money go to?
You know that charity that helps old people
become... less... irritating.
Well, I'd love to help out.
Well. Hey. You know what? I left my wallet in my locker.
Ah. Uh, Bobby come here.
- What? - Loan Shane a dollar.
Uh, o-okay.
[bell ringing]
Oh, hey, later, okay? If I'm late to class again,
Mr. Kaplan will kill me.
But, eh.
You sure you don't want us to stay?
Nah. If I'm gonna teach these guys about art,
I need to show them that I trust them.
Whatever you say. If you need us, just yell.
No worries.
Hello, gentlemen. My name is Spencer,
and I'm gonna be teaching you guys about sculpting.
[screaming]
- Hello, I'll have a-- - Hold up!
I got to turn these croissants 90 degrees every hour,
so they get stale at the same pace.
People are so impatient.
Oh, my God. You're--
Alexavier, noted fashion photographer,
bocce enthusiast, and all-around standup guy.
Uh-huh.
[chuckles] You're adorable.
I love being recognized.
Except when they have a subpoena,
then I'm like, "Alexavier, what a dumb name".
Now one 100,000 paid over one year comes to...
Over $8,000 a month.
Do we have a deal?
[everyone] Uh. Uh.
- Yes. - Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Excellent. Just sign these contracts,
you'll get your first check.
Whoa, whoa, wait, whoa, whoa. We want cash.
Keep it coming. Keep it. Yep. Keep it coming.
- What up with the vest? - My building watch uniform.
Oh yeah, how was the tenants' meeting?
You know, three more apartments in this building
were robbed last weekend?
What'd they steal this time?
Same thing, TV remotes.
What kinda burglar breaks into people's apartments
just to steal TV remotes?
A remote... control freak. [chuckles]
I would've come down,
but Spencer won't let me out of his sight.
He drove me to school. He's gonna pick me up.
Well, I am just psyched that I got to see you,
even wearing that.
[chuckles]
Hey!
I thought you might show up here!
Oh, my God.
[Spencer] Yeah.
- What are you doing?! - Protecting you.
- Do you know this guy? - That's Spencer!
Huh? Oh.