Visit Western Australia!
Ancient land of mysteries...
Like, why can’t we merge?
What happened to Eats?
And who the f*ck asked for this?
It’s also home to heaps of Aussie icons
Cape Knob
Scented Knob
Sufficiency Knob
and of course these knobs
Hello I’m from Woodside
I mean, the Western Australian Government
and we’d like to begin with an Acknowledgment of Country
And by paying respect to the traditional owners of this land
Which is why you’ll see their shitty logo everywhere
on the city
footy team
festival
uni’s
theatre
orchestra
ballet
Scitech
even on children
Woodside Nippers
Kids will need to swim a lot to survive the worsening floods we’re causing
So Woodside’s helping them to learn young
Plus we’re sadists, so using your child as a billboard for the company
that’s tryng to kill them gives us wood
Woodside Nippers!
Did you know WA is the only state in Australia with rising emissions?
That’s coz, when the EPA told us to reduce our emissions, we told it to get f*cked
And with help from our mate Kerry, it did
And that’s why now this guy, who is our bitch
can give us the thumbs-up to build Australia’s most polluting project ever
Introducing: THE BURRUP HUB
If approved, the Burrup Hub will open up two new mega gas fields
expand this lawn sausage, and extend this tumour’s life by half a century
which combined will emit the equivalent of 12 times Australia’s annual emissions
Would that undermine the world’s efforts to meet the Paris target?
Yes
Will it push us closer to what local philosopher OzzyMan calls Destination F*cked?
Absolutely
But is it a good deal?
Sure!
For these guys, who’ll make billions in profits whilst paying bugger-all royalties
We raise less from them, than in car-rego from you
Oh and most of these companies also pay bugger-all taxes, are mostly foreign owned
and employ fewer people than any other sector
Which means the economic benefit to WA comes to approximately…
F*ck all
But hey, at least it will "keep the lights on"
Well, renewables would do that too, minus the floods and fires
but here we are delaying them by investing in shit like this
Besides, most of Burrup’s gas is for export
Will exporting gas help Asia to adopt renewables?
That’s what we tell you
Just don’t read this CSIRO report we commissioned
and then refused to release coz it says that’s bullshit
Is the Burrup Hub at least safe?
Of course not
It requires drilling under the Scott Reef
displacing whales with seismic testing
and risks rooting everything from Ningaloo to Timor if there’s a spill
It also risks wiping out the nearby Murujuga Rock Art
Remember that time our mates blew up this ancient sacred site?
Woops
Well this time it’s one of the oldest art galleries in the world,
home to the first recorded image of the human face, that risks being erased by acid rain
Are we gonna do it anyway?
You betcha!
We’re just waiting for approvals from Canberra
So please don’t contact your federal Labor MP to remind them
that you elected them to end the climate shitfuckery
not to approve Australia’s most polluting project ever
This has been a message from the Western Australien Government
And remember, just coz our former Treasurer went straight onto the Woodside board
as did our former Federal Resources Minister
and just coz the last three chairs of our Regulator used to work for Woodside
and our Premier threatened to bypass the Courts if they ruled against Woodside
and just coz four of our last five Premiers had gas-lobby staff working in their offices
and gas companies donate shittons to both major parties
Woodside being the biggest donor of all
Doesn’t mean the gas industry has captured this government
It just means it is the government
Visit Woodside
I mean, WA
Whatever, we own this place
F*ck you
Authorised by the Department for State Capture
Thank you to all our patrons for making the Honest Government Ads possible
especially our Patron Producers
If you wantto help us keep the knobs honest you can do so at patreon.com/thejuicemedia
or you can grab some merch from our store
You’ll find all the links in the video description
Till next time!