Hi guys, it's Emil and this week's topic is hospitals, doctor's visits, gynecologists,
all that kind of stuff. And some of the other guys have already talked about their experiences with
hospitals and doctors and people in the medical profession, so I'm just gonna talk a little
bit about dysphoria when going to the doctor. So obviously, um, it's a delicate situation
'cause you don't know who's gonna be trans friendly, you don't know who's gonna be transphobic
- unless it's like, a doctor that's like, explicitly trans friendly. But it can be a
very delicate situation and it can be a situation in which you might consider not going to the
doctor, and avoiding going to the hospital, even though you have some problem or you're
hurt in some way, just because you don't want to deal with the dysphoria and the anxiety
and possibly even like, panic attacks that can come from putting yourself in that situation
where you might have to do a lot of explaining, like if your gender marker doesn't fit the
way that you present, if you're on hormones or something, or if your name isn't the right
one, or just- All this kind of stuff that can be difficult no matter where you are in
your transition. I wanna... like, try to motivate people to
try to tackle that situation anyway. I'm not saying it's easy and I'm not saying it's somethin
that you can always do or always do alone, 'cause I know that it can be really hard to
deal with anxiety and panic attacks, anxiety attacks and having to deal with these situations,
and especially when you're already bothered or in pain by something, you know, 'cause
there's a reason you're going to the hospital. You might not want even more pressure put
on yourself by putting yourself in that situation, but! Thing is, you gotta take care of yourself.
You gotta take care of your body, 'cause even if you don't like your body the way it is
right now, or even if you don't like your body at all, it is the basic template that
you're gonna be stuck with for the rest of your life. This is your flesh vessel, and
even if you're gonna do some surgery on it later or if you're gonna go on hormones later
and you're not on hormones now, it's still the same basic template. It's still the same
basic body that you're always gonna have for the rest of your life, so you should take
care of it. And I think you'll thank yourself in the future if you really try to bite the
bullet as much as you can and go. If you have a problem, go. Ask a supporting friend or
family member to come with you and tell them this might be a delicate situation for you.
You might need a lot of validation afterwards. Make sure they're a really loving, affectionate
person. Take them with you, go, just get the shit done, and then get really validated,
as much as you can, before and afterwards. And just like, try to get it done.
And also, one tip I have for like, I guess dealing with dysphoria in general is I try
to tackle it when I'm not in a situation where it's being thrown at me. So if I'm feeling...
not when I'm feeling super dysphoric and not when I'm feeling super good and validated
either, but when I'm somewhere in the middle and I feel like it could go either way, sometimes
I'll consciously do something that I know would normally trigger my dysphoria - to an
extent - and I will do it while validating myself. So for example, sometimes when I paint
my nails I'll look at my hand and think it looks super feminine, and it just rubs me
the wrong way 'cause right now I'm trying to like over-compensate. It's like... my masculinity
is fragile! Not as fragile as some cishet guys' masculinity, but still fragile. It shouldn't
be a gendered thing to paint your nails or wear a certain kind of clothing or anything,
you know what I mean, but it's still like... society, my brain is brainwashed, tells me
nails, paint, blah, feminine. Anyway, what I'm trying to get to is I'll
do that, or I'll put on some makeup, or I'll take off my shirt and look at my chest in
the mirror, and I'll look myself in the eye and I'll tell myself "I am a man" or "you
are a man", or whatever statement feels best right then. So like, I'm looking right at
the dysphoria and I'm saying no, shut up, sit down, wait your turn. I'm trying to distance
myself from the dysphoria by treating it like an annoying, yelling little child that I have
to take care of, and that I have to manage, and I know better 'cause I'm the adult and
that's just a kid. And that child doesn't know as much as I do, and it's just yelling
and it's just being annoying and it's just in my face all the time, so sometimes you
just gotta tell it to shut the up- shut down, sit up...? Shut up, sit down. Calm yourself.
I'm not saying this always works. I'm not saying this is gonna work for everyone. This
is just a little suggestion, a little tip. 'Cause when I do that, I feel like later when
somebody misgenders me or my dysphoria is triggered in the world in some other kind
of way, I can look right at it and I can say - not always, but sometimes - I can say "no,
shut up, sit down, wait your turn, calm yourself" and just shove it aside, forcefully, by validating
myself and just saying "I am a man regardless of you". That might help. I don't know. I
hope it helped somebody. Um, this video is getting a little too long so I'm gonna stop
now. Have a great weekend, hope you've had a great week, have a great next week. I love
you. Bye!