Every time we review a game based on a cartoon, there’s at least 20 people in the comments
telling us to review Battle for Bikini Bottom.
Like, every single time.
We even take bets on how many people are gonna say it, and for a long time, I didn’t understand
idea why.
Now that I’ve played it, I understand why.
I’ve also lost a lot of money.
Heat up the holographic meatloaf, it’s Battle for Bikini Bottom.
I think there are a couple reasons people seem to hold this game in such high regard.
And the biggest one, to me…is that a lot of those people identify this game with their
childhood.
Like, I’m sure a lot of you are like, “Oh, that game was my childhood!”
Which is bizarre to me, ‘cause I’m finally on the other side of the old guy fence, you
know?
And that sucks.
But it also means I can look at this game without the hazy fog of nostalgia clouding
my judgment.
And that’s the thing, that’s the second reason people like this one so much.
Even without the nostalgia, even on its own merits…this is still a pretty solid game.
About a pretty porous sponge.
So you play as Spongebob, you can also play as Patrick and Sandy…and basically, it’s
a standard 3D platformer in the tradition of Super Mario 64.
There are lots of different places, each with lots of objectives…and you do those things
by platforming and collecting things.
Generally, if it shines, you should collect it, and if it moves, you should kill it.
Lessons you should also apply to life.
So the design is kind of predictable, but it’s predictability well done, you know?
Like, there’s actually some fun platforming in this game.
And since the game plays well, too, it’s a lot more fun than most licensed games.
Even if it’s not doing anything that great conceptually.
And you know, I think one of the game’s strengths is its pacing.
Like, you can just run through the levels, and along the way, you’ll be able to finish
most of the objectives.
Without very much time, or exploration…the game doesn’t drag as much as licensed 3D
games sometimes can.
There are golden spatulas all over the place, so it moves pretty quickly.
Which is good.
That way, you don’t get bored.
You’re not spending an hour on the same objective, and especially for a game for kids,
that’s definitely the right approach to take.
The game really does play well, too.
And that’s something that really hurts a lot of platformers.
Like, if your controls and mechanics aren’t solid, stuff like this can be a nightmare.
But this one gets it.
And again, it’s standard stuff—butt stomp, double jump, spin attack…but it’s all
done well.
You never struggle with bad controls, which was a pleasant surprise.
And it sounds so obvious, but that’s the most important thing in a platformer.
Everything else is secondary to the controls.
To how the game plays.
And Battle for Bikini Bottom plays just fine.
The presentation’s not bad, either.
I mean, it’s a little PS2-tastic…2003 textures, things like that…but for its time,
and for its platform, it’s not bad.
And actually, the main character models are really well done, and there are some good
animations, too.
But of course, the big thing is they got most of the cast to do the voices, which includes
Tom Kenny as Spongebob.
Although, I would like to hear someone else try Spongebob.
Someone totally different.
Like, I want to hear Morgan Freeman, as Spongebob.
It’s not like Tom Kenny needs the work, anyway.
Alright, so it’s official.
I’ve played Battle for Bikini Bottom, I’ve had the experience.
And here’s the thing, I can’t say it’s the most amazing thing ever…and I still
think half of the reason people seem to love it is they loved being a kid, and they remember
it from being a kid…but even with its bland design, and occasionally wonky camera, seriously,
Spongebob, get the hell out of the way…
This is a quality licensed game.
There, we reviewed it.
It’s Battle for Bikini Bottom.
Spongebob, you’re making this very uncomfortable.