You know, it's one thing to play a bad licensed game...from today. I mean, as bad as they
can be, we've generally gotten to a place where...we at least know how to make 3D games.
So it's, like...they at least play well. Even if the design is hollow and generic and lifeless...most
of the time, these games are at least functional. Like, your kid can play them.
They might hate you, later in life. But...you jump over that when you get there.
It's hard to jump over anything in this game.
Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase...is an absolute mess, in terms of its gameplay. This is everything
that sucks about early 3D game design...only without the good parts. And what's weird,
playing it now, is that...like, today's bad licensed games may have the same generic design,
but most of them are at least playable. You can at least control them.
It's hard to control anything in this game.
Least of all your emotions. F*cking thing's infuriating.
So, uh...the game's based on a movie. Not only that, a direct-to-video movie. And those
are, like...direct-to-video is to movies, as licensed is to video games. Usually not
a very good sign. You play as both Scooby and Shaggy, with each character having their
own designed levels. They're stuck in a video game, and there's a virus they have to catch...
I mean, this is literally a game about a broken game.
So in a sense, it's absolutely perfect.
The
truth is, I'm not even sure what to call this thing. I mean, you run through levels that
are generally just hallways, and you avoid enemies and holes. Like, I don't...I don't
know what this is. I guess there are some platforming parts, so. You could call it that—a
platformer. Only it's a platformer with the worst f*cking platforming mechanics in history.
So.
Then again, what are we even arguing about?
Like it even matters, what we call this piece of crap.
So the levels come in a few different varieties. There are the hallway levels, where you run
through what is literally, like...a hallway. That's the level. And then there are platforming
levels, with very basic jumps and platforms. And you'd think those would be better, but...the
controls are so terrible, they're actually the worst parts of the game. In fact, they're
a nightmare.
And you also have vehicle levels and boss fights.
None of these things is an improvement over any other thing.
And you know, what's weird is that...like, it doesn't look like it's gonna be bad. There's
some decent presentation here. The voice acting is decent, you get these nice little 2D icons
of the characters, when they're talking to you...and actually, the game doesn't look
terrible, either. Certainly not for an original PlayStation game. I mean, the music and sound
effects are atrocious, but...generally, it looks like a decent little licensed game.
Then, boom. It, just...clobbers you, with its awful design.
But you know, it's not like this is the only game ever made with lousy, thoughtless design.
There's plenty of games that bad. But what makes this one even more despicable...is how
cheap it is. Like, this lion boss fight. You have to avoid the arrows and then avoid the
lion. Problem is...the last round of arrows? Yeah, you can't avoid them. So that one's
an unavoidable, automatic hit. Lame, right?
Oh, it gets worse. 'Cause after you beat the lion...there's another round of f*cking arrows.
Like...why? Why would you ever do that? Except to be the world's biggest asshole.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Derek, that's one example. This is a kid's game. It can't
be that cheap. Uh, exhibit B. You're runnin' from this thing, right? And so you finally
beat it, the end of the level is right up ahead. What do they put in front of you?
A f*cking pit.
Listen, for my own health and well-being, it's probably for the best that we, just...call
it a day, on this one. I'd like to thank our friend Dylan from Nashville, Tennessee, for
sending it, but...I mean this game literally made me nauseous. And I don't even know how
that's possible.
It's Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase. One of the worst PlayStation games ever.
I wouldn't play this game again for anything.
F*ck you, Velma.