Does it ever seem like your ex is trying to shut you down from the possibility of getting
back together? Does it ever seem like every move you make, they're trying to block you,
they're trying to stop you, they're trying to keep you at arm's length? Today we're gonna be talking
about the most common refusal strategy they use to shut you down where this is coming from,
and most importantly, what you can do to out-maneuver them in this, uh,
move here and actually open the doorway to getting back together and saving your relationship.
Hey, there, it's clay with modernlove.life. Now, whenever I hear people tell me about things that
their ex says or things that their ex is maybe sometimes even threatening to do, like, if you
just keep doing this, we'll just stop talking. Well, I'm not, I'm not just not gonna talk to you
again. I guess we should just, uh, part ways and never, uh, interact with one another ever again
or something like that. When I hear people tell me things like that, it registers in my brain as
something, and we're gonna get into what that is in a second. But the most common refusal strategy
that your ex is probably going to use in some form or other is to cut you or threaten to cut
you out of their life entirely. You know, Hey, I just don't think we can be friends
anymore. I don't think we should talk anymore. I, you know, can't see you anymore because I'm in
a rebound relationship. I can't see you anymore because I'm with someone else and they're gonna
get jealous and they don't want us to talk, or something like that. When I hear people
say this sort of thing, they are usually saying something that registers in my ear as elevated
levels of romantic pressure. That is to say, their ex believes that every time they interact with one
another, it's about the interaction leading to something. It's about leading to you and
them getting back together. It's about leading to something romantic happening. It's about leading
to having some sort of outcome or making it look or seem a certain way. I understand where this
is coming from on your part, so you know, if you are trying to frame it this way because you know
you're worried about being put in the friend zone or you're worried about all sorts of other things,
then I understand where that's coming from. I hope that you can take from this video if
nothing else, that that is not going to help you out. When the romantic pressure is too high,
then they're going to close things down and shut the doors to you. It doesn't matter if they're in
a rebound relationship or not, it doesn't matter, uh, what happened or not. If the pressure is too
high, they're going to feel overwhelmed and shut you out, especially in the early stages of this.
I mean, of course, if you're, you know, like this close to getting back together, that is
another story. But, um, you know, if, if, if they are very, you know, standoffish if they're very
wanting to shut you down, if they're very much wanting to, you know, push you outta their life,
romantic pressure is not going to help you. It's, it's, it's not. I know that there might
be some instinctive way that it feels like it's what you should be doing, but it is not going to
help you get the relationship that you want. The reason why is that your ex is not equipped
to make a decision about getting back together at this point. There are still too many emotions at
play. There is still too many feelings, there's still too much history, too much baggage, too
many uncertainties, too many confusing thoughts and emotions, and everything else in between that
if you put 'em on the spot, they're gonna do what most people who are overwhelmed and confused do
when you put 'em on the spot, they're gonna choose to stay exactly where they are, which is broken
up with you. They're gonna choose to say, okay, we're not gonna get back together. You know, that,
that's why ultimatums usually don't work. First of all, the timing is often poor, but second of all,
the person, um, puts their partner on the spot and when that person doesn't have the,
the adequate level of emotional connection to, to really feel equipped to make a good
choice about what they want. And so it's like, you know, Hey,
either we're gonna get back together or we're gonna be nothing at all. There's no middle ground.
What's it gonna be? They're gonna say, okay, I guess it's nothing at all. It's been nice knowing
you. That's probably what they're gonna choose because when we feel unprepared to make a choice,
we go with what feels safest, which in many cases is to do nothing, stay exactly where we are,
and so understand that that is where that's coming from. And so what we really want to do is we
want to try to decrease the romantic pressure. I'll show you how to do this in just a moment,
but we want to decrease that romantic pressure because the lower the romantic pressure is,
the more likely they're going to give themselves permission to actually connect with you and spend
time with you, which is going to further equip them to make an emotional choice.
So we want to drop the pressure so they can build up the connection to get closer to
you. By the way, if you like these videos that we're doing, it would mean a lot to
me if you just gently ever so gently tap the thumbs-up button, please don't smash it. You
might break it. Uh, but just ever so gently tap it, it would be so meaningful to me and for the
trajectory of this channel. Thank you so much. Okay. So we want to drop the romantic pressure
so that we can encourage them to, um, actually connect with us and to actually move towards,
uh, creating more of an emotional bond with us that's going to equip them to make this choice.
What you want to do if your ex is threatening to cut you outta their life entirely is obviously
trying to drop that romantic pressure. Let them know that you're not trying to
force anything that's not there. Let them know that you're not trying to push them into some
relationship that they don't want, or something along those lines. And if they're still convinced
that this is not a good idea or that they aren't prepared for some sort of middle ground, like
friendship or, or open communication, or basically a same team conversation as we've talked about,
um, in other videos, then you may have to let them experience the consequence of their choice for a
little bit. So if, if this is the case, and you know, again, don't get me wrong, this, it
definitely may not go this route. Yeah, they may agree to the same team thing,
which is highly likely, they may respond well to dropping the romantic pressure. However,
if it does go this route, the important thing is to reluctantly go along with what they ask for.
Reluctantly is the key word here, because this is going to take all the responsibility off of you
and put it onto them. That's to say they're not gonna be able to point the finger and say, Hey,
we're not in contact because you tried too hard, you pushed too much. You were twisting my arm. You
were putting too much pressure on. They're gonna have to look at themselves and say, no, we're not
talking anymore. I miss you. We're not talking anymore because I couldn't get out of the way
because I couldn't put the past behind us because I couldn't get over my smallness or pettiness or
insecurity or fear or whatever it might be. That's how you respond when they do something like that.
Um, it's a little bit counterintuitive and it's not a little bit controversial, but, and it's,
it's probably gonna feel very scary to do it. But this has worked very well for so many clients
in the past. Um, next up, I think it's really important for you to really understand how to
drop this romantic pressure and how to do all of this through something called the same team
conversation. So please check out this video over here on how to get back together with Your Ex
without using the No Contact Rule. No contact has its time and place as we've said before,
but most people don't need it. In fact, it can cause more harm than good. So please check out
this video over here on getting your Ex Back without no contact, and I'll see you over.