Sydney, my hometown.
A beautiful place to live. But someone has to keep the peace.
And when the shit really hits the fan here, the people look to
the new South Wales Public Order and Riot Squad.
It's basically Australia's version of a SWAT team.
Squad members Dan and Glenn have offered to show me their beat.
So I hopped in the back of a Sydney cop car voluntarily for the first time.
Could there be a riot tonight?
[Dan] Potentially.
Ah, that's good.
[Jim] ♫ Bad boys, bad boys. ♫
♫ Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? ♫
Would you sing "Bad Boys" with me?
[Jim] Alright, let's get down to business.
I haven't lived in Sydney for a while.
So I need a refresher of what I can get away with.
How much cocaine is an arrestable offense?
[Both] Any amount.
What if there was cocaine in the vehicle with you right now?
Right now?
You wouldn't arrest that person, would ya?
How many prostitutes can I get? Can they come to my hotel,
or do I have to just go to a rub and tug parlor?
You can go to both.
They can come to my hotel?
Yes.
That law has changed since I've lived in the country.
Don't ask how I know that.
What about weed? 'Cause I live in California.
I buy chocolate and gummy bears from a store
and I take them to help me sleep now.
Chocolate and gummy bears?
That's my new thing.
I used to be a drunk like other members of my family.
Dan described himself as the black sheep the other day.
Been talkin' about your mother.
I'd describe him as a gray sheep.
[Jim] That's right. Besides being a cop, Danny here is lucky enough to be my big brother.
Look at us! I'm adorable.
While I've been doing important work helping the world through the power of laughter,
he's been a police officer for 20 years.
And he's been recently promoted to inspector.
So, I guess he's kind of a big deal too.
In our mother's eyes, if you had to rank each three of her children,
what would you rank us?
Uh, you're ranked number one.
Why am I number one?
(sighs) 'Cause you're on the tele.
Because I'm famous and famous people are more important than cops.
That's right.
Danny's always loved protecting people. All people.
Except for one.
I never liked when you were a young cop, right?
[Dan] Oh god.
When you started out being a cop.
And every week, you'd learn a new hold.
And then mom's like, "do it! Do it on Jim!"
Like that, right? And I was like, "I don't wanna do it!"
And then you'd come over my head and be like, "see how he's resisting there, mom?
See how he's resisting?"
And it would always end with my face smashed into the carpet and mom clapping going,
"Aw, Danny's a cop!"
Geez, you've got a good imagination.
[Jim] Do you love being a cop?
[Glenn] Yes for me.
[Dan] Yeah.
[Jim] Now, I'm never worried that much about Danny being a cop
because honestly, the job seems a whole lot safer here.
In Australia, 22 police officers were killed on the job between 2003 and 2016.
But last year alone in the U.S., 55 police officers were shot and killed.
Would either of you be a cop in America?
No way.
Too dangerous?
[Dan] Too dangerous.
The potential for everyone to be armed is that, you know –
instantaneous thing can end up in people getting shot.
I'm talking about police or any member of the public.
You, mate?
Probably could.
You wouldn't be afraid?
I'm always in the opinion when your time's up, your time's up.
[Dan] Very philosophical, Glenn.
Yeah, it's one of those things!
If you're like that, don't bother with the bulletproof vest.
Yeah, I don't wear a bulletproof vest. What are you doing?
Do you ever expect someone to have a gun on them or it just never happens?
We know that there are guns out there, but it's not an expectation
that a car we're going to stop – that they have guns on them, no.
[Jim] Now this all seems quite interesting.
But I still need answers from my brother
on a few very important issues.
Would you admit to holding me down every day and cracking all my toes?
And now I have arthritic feet.
Do you have to be smart to be a detective?
All smart? Don't wanna answer that one?
What's the best way to get out of a speeding ticket?
Honesty.
So I shouldn't have sucked the guy's c**k then?
Danny's just shut down. He's not even answering my questions anymore.
"Turn in your badge, Mahoney!"
There's a fair chance that's gonna happen after this.
[Jim] So, did I film this segment just so I could get paid to annoy my brother at work?
Yes I did.
Then, did I ask him to walk me around downtown Sydney
knowing full well what would happen?
Where's all the action?
Well, we've got to wait for it to occur.
[Jim] Yes, I did.
[Jim] Now, was our mother right?
Who really deserves all this attention?
That's not for me to decide, but...
No one's asking you for any pictures.
After years of Danny's brotherly abuse,
it's just my way of showing him how much I care.
Do you love me and will you say that you love me?
Say "I love you." Say the actual words. Say "I love you."
I love you, Jim.
Well, this is f**king weird. Why would you do that for?
It's very uncomfortable now.
[Jim] Well, it was a quiet night.
But that makes any relative of a cop pretty happy.
And it's a reminder that if you're pro cop, you should also be pro gun control.
Because if you have a relative who's a police officer,
don't you think it's safer for them to patrol a place with this many guns in the street
instead of this many guns?
I think I've gotten all the answers I need for one night.
But I can't end this until these guys do one last thing.
♫ Bad boys, bad boys. Whatcha gonna do? ♫
♫ Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? ♫
They all do it eventually.
They all do it.