Transcriber: Safira Paramita Reviewer: Trang Phạm
Raise your hand if you've ever set a goal for yourself.
Okay.
I'll keep your hand raised if you've shared that goal with someone else
and maybe they’ve tried to convince you to be a little bit more realistic.
For those of you with your hands still raised,
please understand that you are not alone.
My name is Crystal,
and I came here today to share my story
and to speak with you about something that radically transformed my life.
I want to talk to you about the incredible gift of self awareness.
I like to think of self-awareness as
a flashlight.
When you shine a flashlight in the dark,
it illuminates an area that you were once incapable of viewing.
Equally, when we engage in self-awareness,
we enlighten a dark area within ourselves that was once unconscious,
meaning we gain new insights
about who we are and what we want most out of life.
See, as a child, I had already decided what I wanted most out of life.
I wanted to learn.
I had this big dream of attending college since my grade school days,
a dream that honestly seemed unattainable given my family’s background.
I was raised in a very tiny four-bedroom public housing apartment in rural Alabama
with nine siblings.
Now, whatever your thinking, life was like as one of ten children.
You’re probably right.
I mean, I quite literally lived the life of Kevin from home alone,
except in a much, much smaller house.
My parents, who were both unable to obtain college degrees,
instilled in us the value of education from a very young age.
We may have lacked financial resources,
but there was always an abundance of knowledge in our household.
My father, who was a great inspiration to me,
used to quote the late B.B. King,
saying education is something that no one can take away from you.
My father was my first educator,
inspiring me to invest in my most valuable asset.
My mind.
The impact that my father had on my life was both very significant and very brief.
Because when I was only 11 years old,
I watched my father lose his battle with cancer.
And that event would go on to change my life forever.
A once happy, creative and carefree child became isolated,
detached and scared.
My entire family was never the same after the death of my father.
As I got older, I began facing various challenges and my teenage years
due to the childhood trauma of losing a parent.
But I never lost sight of my goal to pursue higher education.
I had this deep gut feeling
that education would be my ticket out of poverty
and to a bright new world of possibilities.
Because of this belief, I used the pain
that I experienced as the child to empower me.
In high school,
I sought various ways to pay for my education and approach teachers,
the guidance counselor and even the Internet for answers.
In fact, most of my after school days
were spent at the public library in our county,
applying for countless scholarships
because we didn't even have internet at home.
Yes, I was often told to be more realistic concerning my academic goals.
Given my family’s financial situation in the low SAT scores
that I was dealing with at the time.
You see, I suffer from something called test anxiety.
No matter how much I study for my college exams,
as soon as the test was placed in front of me, my mind would completely blank.
I later realized that I was so afraid of failing
that I never gave myself a chance to succeed.
But, I held on to my belief, and I worked even harder toward my goals.
And when I graduated high school in 2013, not only did I get into my dream school,
but I also received five academic scholarships
with over $670,000 in funding,
including the prestigious Bill and Melinda Gates Millennium Scholarship
and the Army ROTC Merit Award.
Despite their internal struggles that I faced during this time,
I suppressed my anxieties and pursued my education because
I believed in my dreams more than anything in this world.
And I always knew that I could ask for help along the way.
But after failing my first college course,
thanks everyone.
and suffering from numerous panic attacks during this time,
I was forced to learn new skills like how to improve my study habits,
and I even went against my traditional upbringing
and started mental health counseling.
Something I was terrified to do at first.
My pursuit eventually led me to where I am now,
a PhD student at Yale University,
collaborating with some of the most brilliant minds in my field
and most importantly, finally,
at a place where I am unafraid to be all of who I am.
But I started my journey as a first generation low income student,
but have since been blessed with the opportunity
to achieve some of my wildest dreams.
The greatest gift has been returning to my high school eight years later
as a guest speaker and bestselling author,
inspiring the students there to invest in themselves
and to take a chance at life.
I shared a message of hope
and inspiration with youth starting exactly where I was.
This has been the greatest dream come true.
But, I will be honest with you.
For a long time, I was unaware of why I was working so hard toward my goals.
I guess a piece of me believed
that achieving my goals would somehow validate my self-worth.
But this often resulted in deeper feelings of insecurity.
I remember the year that I was to become
the first person in my family to graduate with an advanced degree.
I kept telling myself that, okay, once I graduated, then I can be happy.
But, when I walked across that stage in December of 2018,
not only was I still deeply unhappy,
but a piece of me believed that I felt even more miserable than before.
I remember thinking to myself, How could this be?
It was then that I realised that external validation was not the answer.
And I began my journey of self-awareness and self-discovery.
I started to shift my focus from achievements to growth,
and I started to notice possibilities that I didn't see before
I found my true self and I became more centered.
This shift in focus also led
to an abundance of opportunities like meeting my hero, Mr. Les Brown.
His story of overcoming adversity
and becoming a world renowned motivational speaker
inspired me to believe in my own dreams.
His words encouraged me to believe,
even when other people saw my path unfolding differently than I did.
When I was told by others that I was dreaming too big or that people like me,
students of color, usually fail in higher education
due to lack of mentorship and lack of investment.
I persisted because of his words.
Les Brown famously quotes, “Other people’s opinion of you
does not have to become your reality.”
On my journey, I later became a certified academic success coach,
and through this process I've had
the opportunity to assist thousands of students from diverse backgrounds.
One student who stands out is Josie,
a Rwandan refugee who moved to the US without a high school diploma.
But she worked her way up to earn both her associate and bachelor’s degrees.
You see, Josie contacted me in 2020
when she was applying to graduate school for the first time.
I shared the tools that I use to achieve my academic goals for Josie.
She put in the work and was later accepted
into an Ivy League graduate school program, her dream school.
You see, seeing students like Josie succeed has been a dream come true.
As my own journey of overcoming obstacles
and seeking mentorship has prepared me to help other students find their way.
But listen, if you do not get anything from this talk,
please understand that you do not have to spend a lifetime in school like I did,
or even follow a similar path to be successful.
I just want to encourage you to use your innate ability to create success
and well-being and your own life.
However, that may look for you.
I want to inspire you to take big risks and reap big rewards.
Now, this means risking the chance of taking a path that is unique,
and unfortunately, most people aren’t willing to stand out.
But that’s not you.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be here listening to me who give this talk now.
As I end this talk, I like to share some important lessons
that I learned on my journey and pass on to the students that I mentor.
There are so many lessons that I feel helped me create a life
that I couldn’t even have dreamed of as a child.
But these five have been the most impactful.
Firstly, you do not have to have all the answers before you begin.
There is a quote by the late poet
and philosopher Rumi that states,
“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.”
This is because success is compounding.
You see, we have access to a great wealth of wisdom
that could lead us to our wildest dreams
if we are brave enough to take the first step.
Secondly, self-awareness is key
to avoid internalizing other people’s conflicting thoughts
about who we are.
It’s important for us to know the truth about ourselves.
See, self-awareness is less about judging our lives
and more about taking a step back to observe them objectively.
Thirdly, we cannot be afraid to ask for help as we pursue our goals.
This action shows emotional intelligence and strength.
So, I asked for help when I was looking for ways to pay for my education.
I asked for help
when I was applying to an Ivy League doctoral program for the first time.
I even asked for help
when I was trying to figure out how to overcome childhood trauma.
I found in life that people are more than willing
to give you the answers you seek,
if you are bold enough to ask.
Fourthly, tap into your creativity to visualize the life that you want.
Visualizing our goals gets us emotionally invested
in the future that we want to create.
There is great power and getting a crystal clear picture
of what it is we truly desire most.
And finally, remember that your self image influences
the chances that you take in life.
Human behavior is based on the identity that we assume
and the stories that we tell ourselves about what’s possible for us.
But I believe that we can upgrade our life by upgrading our self image.
You have a choice.
No matter what anyone tells you.
You always have a choice about the type of life that you live
and how you show up in this world.
But it all begins with self-awareness.
This means taking a closer look at where we are now
and what is required for us to move forward.
From this place,
we can start asking ourselves questions like,
“Whom do I need to become in order to accomplish my goals?”
This has been the single greatest truth on my journey.
As quoted by researcher and transformational coach Dr. Joe Dispenza.
If knowledge is power,
the knowledge about oneself is self-empowerment.
I’m crystal and that’s my idea for spreading.
Thank you.
(Applause)