Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘Same old Garbage’
We’re watching The Green Slime which, from its alien stowaway premise...
to its wretched love triangle subplot.
‘You’re lying, you love me’
is very similar to It! Terror From Beyond Space.
'Those people were killed by something.'
Making it yet another reminder that Ridley Scott’s Alien is really just a B Movie made by people with actual talent
‘This confirms my first guess’
The problem with the Green Slime is that it takes 25 minutes to reach the point it should have reached in 10.
‘It’s alive!’
Can I keep it? I’ll walk it every day!
‘nothing exciting ever happens around here’
very long story short; a team sent to blow up an asteroid...
‘A collision course with earth’
Using their sophisticated nipple detonator ...
Bring back an unwanted guest to their space station.
Where it runs amok.
‘He’s dead’
And a woman doctor is about as original as the film gets.
‘The animal feeds on energy’
As all B movie monsters do,
‘My God it can heal itself’
as all B Movie monsters can.
And it grows from a pool of slime into a creature with lobster claws,
tentacles,
teddy bear eyes,
and the mobility of a tortoise that’s been turned on its back.
In fairness, it is a lot more mobile once it gets up.
‘You think that’s what killed Michaels? '
No I’m sure these events are entirely unrelated.
‘It’s almost impossible to believe’
and the rest of the film is devoted to children in monster suits running around while everyone else screams.
#SCREAM#
and pretends that the eventual solution wasn’t bleeding obvious from minute one.
Quite appropriately, this film is bad in very boring ways,
like the man picking up dried paint with forceps.
Incidentally that’s the same man who brought the thing on board and he might as well have dead tattooed across his forehead.
We also get some of the worst camerawork ever.
Desperately covering up the inability to film an action scene.
‘That’s a pretty stupid mistake’
But it’s the characters that really open up new realms of tedium.
‘And since that’s the way it is let’s be sure that’s the way it is’
There are 3 people in a love triangle, I ought to give a shit about at least one!
‘Oh no’
But the girl is selfish, the fiancée sulks and the other man with whom she is so obviously going to end up!
‘He doesn’t mean anything to me any more’
is a twat of the first order.
‘You have an incredible ego’
And it’s all resolved just like in It! Terror from Beyond Space, by the fiancée conveniently dying.
So his girl can get it on with his former best friend with minimal guilt,
‘Vince?’ What’s that you say Vince? You want me to have your fiancée?
‘Please do’
On the plus side the opening song is hilarious
#Green slime theme song#
'Mission completed'