Good morning Hank it’s Tuesday. In your video last week about what
10-year-old you thought would happen before the year 2020, you
detailed many of those childhood predictions, But you almost completely skipped
over your prediction for 2012: Zoom in. Enhance. SUPERIOR FISH BEINGS.
Hank, your prediction that the year 2012 would feature the emergence
of superior fish beings is so weird and wonderful, that in the entire history of
the world wide web, at least according to google, no one has ever used
the phrase “Superior Fish Beings.” I mean did you believe that fish-like
aliens would visit us from a distant planet? Or did you believe that via some extremely
speedy form of evolution, a hyperintelligent fish species would evolve and form their own
civilizations like in our beloved childhood cartoon The Snorks? Or did you believe that
all along in the rivers and lakes and oceans of Earth there had been superior fish
beings that were waiting until the year 2012 to reveal themselves?
Because by that definition, Hank-- and I’m going to say this as vaguely as
possible to minimize spoilers--Adult you has arguably written the two greatest Superior
Fish Being novels of the 21st century, albeit with minimal actual fish beings.
And I wonder if this idea has been floating around in your head this whole time.
Like, over the years you and I would often speculate about what would happen
if the Gods of Mount Olympus or creators of the simulation or Superior Fish Beings
or whatever suddenly announced themselves and were like, “Okay, yeah,
this has gone on long enough.” I’ll tell you what, I would be nervous if
Superior Fish Beings announced their arrival tomorrow, but I would also be like a
little relieved. Like, thank God someone around here actually knows more
than we do. Also, just the fact that the Superior Fish Beings have chosen to stay
quiet up until now bodes well--it means they have the ability to stay calm and shut up,
two talents humanity has shown a limited capacity for.
What would the Superior Fish Beings say? I suppose they might begin by telling us to
more carefully consider the long-term consequences of our actions, especially as
it relates to large-scale changes to the rivers and lakes the Superior Fish Beings are used to.
They might also be able to tell us what the deal is with Dark Matter, and how to better
account for the value of natural resources in our economic systems, and also they might
be able to explain to me why sometimes at night when I am trying to fall asleep I cannot
stop thinking about how the Snorks blow bubbles out of their little head snorkels
when they were nervous? But where did the bubbles come from? They didn’t--
where, where’s the air? Now of course I am also aware
that the superior fish beings could use their amazing technology and great
wisdom to crush or conquer us, or worse still humanity in all its hubris
could try to take on the Superior Fish Beings, leading to our inevitable humiliation and
defeat. But I like to imagine that the Superior Fish Beings would just answer
all our questions and provide us with loving guidance without ordering us to do this
or that. In short, I sometimes feel like humanity is an early adolescent in
need of good parental figures. Specifically parental figures in the
form of Superior Fish Beings. But the thing is, Hank, I think much of
what the Superior Fish Beings would tell us … we already know. We already know that war
is bad, and that humans and other superior beings accomplish more in
collaboration than they do in isolation, and that every person deserves access
to healthcare and educational opportunities. We already know that as a species,
we are at once far too powerful and not nearly powerful enough--powerful
enough to change the climate of our planet, but not powerful enough to choose
how we change the climate of our planet. And in that sense, it could be that the
Superior Fish Beings have already emerged, we just need to learn to listen to them.
Oh my god, did I just turn a video about Superior Fish Beings into something
completely earnest? I can’t help myself, Hank. Unironic Earnest Enthusiasm about
Superior Fish Beings and Other is part of my 2021 Vision Board.
Anyways Hank, I for one welcome our new Superior Fish Being overlords.
I’ll see you on Friday.