Once upon a time, there was an Earthworm named Jim.
While he hung out with Bad Mr. Frosty and Dan Castellaneta, this story isn’t about
him.
It’s about a girl named Scarygirl, who is, as the title of the game states, scary.
Her face seems like something out of a Tim Burton movie, her left arm consists of nothing
but a bone jutting out of a sleeve, and her right arm is actually a hook-tipped, prehensile
tentacle.
If that’s not scary, I don’t know what is.
But storybooks are the media of an older generation.
Kids these days need more interaction.
So Scarygirl’s tale is told in the form of a video game.
Man.
Narrating like that is exhausting.
So here’s the schtick.
Scarygirl’s a melange of creepy things, designed to appeal to the “It’s so grotesque
it’s cute” Hot Topic crowd.
After all, she means well, and it’s what’s inside that counts, right?
So she spends her time chillin’ with her remarkably intelligent octopus friend named
Blister.
Hey, if you’re gonna Addams-Family it up, you might as well do a thorough job of it.
Anyway.
Scarygirl’s haunted by a recurring dream about a weird-looking bearded guy, and so
she goes off in a very platforming way in an attempt to either find him, or figure out
what’s going on, or perhaps just justify her tentacle-arm by engaging in Earthworm
Jim-esque whipping and swinging.
I’m not about to judge.
Here’s the thing: If you’re going to make an action platformer, using EWJ as your inspiration
is about as good as you can do.
Imagine if Earthworm Jim allowed you to grab stunned enemies, carry them around, and use
them as projectiles in whatever direction you wish?
That’d be pretty cool.
How about upgradable weapons, allowing for more customized experiences?
We’ll keep the huge levels, though, and offer lots of paths through any given stage.
Oh, forgot to mention: NO PETER PUPPY.
Compares quite favorably, now that you think about it.
And this is before you add in the cultural value presented by the super-enunciating narrator
guy.
He’s gotta be worth something.
So it’s not just another downloadable game, it’s a cultural experience.
Even if that culture may rooted in spiked bracelets, corsets, and ironic Yoshi t-shirts.
Which is unfortunate for those of us who wear Yoshi t-shirts unironically.
But regardless of how you come down on the aesthetic, the truth is that it’s a quality
presentation all around.
The narrator, while a little on the laborious side, just makes you want to stop down and
enjoy some milk and cookies between stages, while the environs themselves are lush and
run the gamut from bright, shining, snowy peaks to gloomy, owl-infested forests.
There are even shops where you can spend the gems you find on new techniques, upgraded
tentacle-hooks (please don’t think about that too hard), and plastic versions of the
various foes you face.
And so, in summary, and you will note I’ve returned to the storybook reader voice for
the close of this video, I give Scarygirl my full recommendation.
If you boys and girls are of a mind to enjoy a wonderful platforming video game, I suggest
you look no further than Scarygirl, available now on XBox Live Arcade, and coming soon to
your PlayStation 3 and even your personal computer.
… that’s enough of that.
I need a lozenge.