"don't be scared girl" "oh my god this is gonna suck" what is the birth order of me and my siblings
Tony you Jonathan James "no it's i'm the oldest
i'm older than tony "what" so it's me then tony then john like the james
well today i figured maybe you can get to know me and why i am the way i am now i remember
as a younger girl um i did have a very very hard childhood
my parents were drug addicts um they abused each other neglected each other
but when i was eight years old my mom said that she was pregnant with her third child
um i already had a brother and um he's younger so i'm the older child and
I was really happy I was thrilled actually um I knew she was doing drugs with him
So when my brother was born he was so adorable and gosh I loved him um
As days went on I did kind of take the role
of being a parent in a way um I still remember one time in particular when my parents
were on so many drugs that they were like passed out um my baby brother was crying
and I wasn't sure why so I went into the room of where they were and it was because his crib is by
was by a curtain and the curtain string was wrapped around his neck
I will never forget that day as long as I live um even now it's emotional for me
um his face was purple he was screaming crying and um to put it shortly I had to save his life
and I did and then I realized that I don't think my parents will ever change I was a nine-year-old
and i was taking on the role
of being a mother
so one day when I was at um school I think third or fourth grade I got a call to the office um
there were police there and I wasn't sure what was really happening and
come to find out I was being put into foster care I was being put into foster care with my
one brother but my little little brother was being put into a separate home um after being
in foster care for over a year I was actually in a children's shelter for longer than that um
I found out that my brother was actually gonna be an adopted child um he was gonna be put in closed
adoption which meant I would never be allowed to see him again it broke my heart and it still does
and it happened 12 years ago um in a way I felt like my own child was being adopted
um
so it was just a hard time for me um after trying to accept it was thrown
around into different foster homes and with my other brother and soon we got separated
we were separated for a few years it was very hard
a lot of the time I felt alone and just confused with life um
when I turned 12 my parents finally decided to um
get their act together and we went to court and we had a six-month trial to live with them and
that trial turned into
two years
but it was a failed trial the whole time my family was just getting worse and worse
I started smoking marijuana um
I turned to the wrong type of people to hang out with
my brother started acting out um
he started hitting me
my parents got worse
their drug addiction went to a whole new level um we actually lived in a trailer that's mainly
what I live whenever I lived with my parents that's mainly where we lived um
it was the smallest trailer ever I ended up being put in a mental hospital
um I didn't think I needed it I was in the mental hospital for about six days and
obviously they diagnosed me with depression which I already knew I was diagnosed with
depression since the age of 10 and I was taking antidepressants for I don't even know how long um
but after I left the mental hospital I took a whole new meaning of life because I saw people
in there that were mental I wasn't i don't think I was meant to be there but it did change my life
somewhere in my younger years um my mom did have another child and I held him once and she put him
for a put him up for close adoption the day he was born I know my two brothers are out there and
more than anything I just hope that one day they can look at me and I can look at them we
know that we're family I miss them every day even if I knew one brother longer than the other one
I love them both equally and more than anything being able to see them again would
mean the world to me I was in class yet again and I get called to the office um about school I never
went I didn't care about school just not care like i'd go and I wouldn't do any of the work um
school was hard i got made fun of every single day every day I was bullied um I was the smelly kid
I was the fat girl um that's how people knew me I was fat amber but as I was in class one day I got
called to the office the cops came and yet again me and my brother were being put into foster care
and I was just texting my friend simply joking saying I should live with you
because she was my best friend at the time
and little did I know two months later I was living with her it was absolutely insane I don't
know how it happened it happened so quickly and honestly at the time i thought this was
beginning to a whole new life that i was gonna love every minute of but i was definitely wrong
okay so i wanted okay so since i'm speaking about my family all right so if you guys go back
and you guys remember all the videos i've ever talked about when i talk about my siblings
um i always mention i have three younger brothers but two were put into closed adoption so a lot of
people guessed already which i don't know how that's possible but one of them found us um
yeah uh what so
when it happened i was shook to the core so my facebook is meant just for the people i know
in um real life and i get a lot of messages on there and i like never reply to them
and he had sent me a message he didn't even know he had a sister that is the part where
i'm just like oh but honey i held you when you were a baby and i've loved you my whole
life and i've missed you my whole life so it's so crazy um so he didn't even know i was his
sister that's so funny he sent me a message on uh facebook and he was like how can i get a hold
of christine or something like that that's my mom's name i'm sure everyone knows that
so um i didn't even didn't even reply i was like who the heck is this they're probably
some troll like i ain't got time for it so i never replied it was months later my mom mean this was
back the last time i did jenny craig you guys saw the video where i was
like okay something super crazy happened this is what it was and um
so i get a call from my mom and it was through facebook where you could do video call
um and like all my family was there in the call and i was like oh my god what is going on
and they're like guess who this is and i was like what are you talking about
they're like this is your brother and you guys
if you would have seen me if you literally would have seen me
i started bawling like you don't even know it was the craziest experience like
that is my little brother that i have waited for and hoped for for like my whole life it is
i literally have no words um and how he found out he was adopted
um him and i got permission to talk about this like he's been begging me
he's like mention me on your youtube mention me on your youtube i'm like
whatever it was such a brother and sister relationship i love it oh my god
but um how he found out he was adopted him and his you know adopted sister his sister they were in an
argument when he was nine and she yelled well you're not even my real brother and he was like
what so his parents were actually honest with him about it so he waited all the way until he was 18
and his parents hey baby girl his parents said when you're 18 i'll tell you who your real mom is
so yeah he's 18 and you guys he is the cutest thing like he's so cute and he looks
just like our other brother tony which is so crazy like they look like literal twins i'm
just like what is life right now um and he's super talented like he can draw like the best
i've ever seen and he sings and like it's just so crazy like he's so talented it's mind-blowing um
and he uh he's bisexual don't worry he's like you can tell them whatever you want
and i was like i don't know if i want to make a video because
this is like super special but he really wanted me to talk about him so i am so it's like i don't
know there's just so many things that are so similar it is just wild it is like though
i wish i could convey like how i feel better but i just can't it's more so like i'm just like
speechless type thing so on may may 1st i think my mom and him met for the very first time
and um he hasn't left since she she bought a round trip thing for him to
to be there for seven days and he hasn't left and it's been almost a month love
that sorry did she ever say how old her new brother oh yeah he's 18 so he is still young
just turned 18 thinking you know he knows the world god i love family it's great it's great um
but my other brother the one that's getting out of prison um he's 29
so yeah your capacity for love is amazing i want all the love and i want to give all the love
um is he going to visit this summer i would love that but i feel like he's
wait which one i want them all to visit but now i still have one other brother out there Jonathan
and um Jonathan actually i took care of when i was like eight and nine um he was just a baby and
i actually saved his life on time i actually made a video about that
um so i have like a really big strong connection to
um him do i think he'll reach out i don't and i think it's because he doesn't know he's adopted
um and that happens a lot because it's like would i'm gonna call him James because that was his name
um his parents did change his name the brother the 18 year old that i'm talking about now um so
James um would he have known if it wasn't for that argument between him and his sister you know so
it's like i think about stuff like that and it's like Jonathan probably doesn't know because he
probably never had the opportunity or his parents didn't want him to know or maybe he does know and
he's like you know i don't care well like i don't care about who my real family is not real family
but blood family because some people are like that you know which i understand but oh my god
i would give up so much to be able to meet him and you know it's i searched for them
online literally all the time and i know this is gonna sound like super creepy but it's like you
have to be in the situation to understand like i would search their name into um like facebook and
so many would pop up and i would sit there and i would stare at each picture and i'd be
like do i feel a vibe do i think that's them do they look like me do they look like my mom or
you know and i never felt it and then when my 18 year old brother from found us um
i look at him and i'm like that is the that is the feeling that i've been searching for
like looking at him and being like wow he's literally a twin to my other brother like
you know you try to find this um this feeling and yeah it's so crazy like i always think
like okay if he would have popped up during one of my searches would i have felt that way 100
because he literally looks exactly like my brother tony it's so crazy
um what if he's a viewer and doesn't even know he actually um oh yeah Jonathan that would be
crazy Jonathan if you're out there and you live in california and you were adopted um i think you're
like 19 now um when i was eight years old my mom said that she was pregnant with her third child
i think you're like 19 now um i'm your sister and i took care of you and i loved you like you
were my own and i was only eight years old god it breaks my heart and you had um a hearing aid
and you had glasses and you were the cutest little baby ever that would be crazy but um
you