hey what's going on my beautiful people this is certified life and relationship coach coach court
in today's video i'm going to be answering the questions from one of my friends actually
why aren't i good enough
thank you for sticking around if this is your first time viewing me do me a favor and subscribe
to the channel by clicking that subscribe button and ringing that bell so you're notified for all
the newest coaching content before i get into the content if you want my help personally the
quickest way to get in contact with me is to go to my website www.fruitfulseeswiththen.com click
the coaching tab and book a one-on-one coaching session with me thank you in today's video i
have a question from one of my friends someone i'm pretty close with why aren't i good enough i feel
like this was such an important question to ask why aren't i good enough because it encompasses
a lot of the different people that i coach whether you're here for a rebound relationship
or whether you're someone that was dealing with someone that was a love avoidant
and you were trying to show up the best way you can and they still eventually leave you
now it doesn't really matter what the case was you know whether your person went on and got
with someone else or whether you you struggle with anxiety and you struggle with keeping
healthy relationships you ask you ask yourself the question why aren't i good enough and she reached
out to me and she said you know out of everyone that i know you're the one that i feel can help
me out the best about this situation so she went on to tell me about what she was going through
and she's someone that actually identifies as a fearful avoidant and she had met a guy
and a guy was someone to travel for work and she actually liked them she met up with them
had a class of wine and they they actually uh talked for like four hours and when
he wanted to go out on another date with her or set up another date she accepted but after it was
over she started to get fearful she started to get anxious she started to get really um i don't know
uncentered about the whole deal she didn't know what to do so she reached out to me and asked why
am i like this what is what is going on i like the guy we have a lot of things in common um we have
you know as far as like goals and and things we want down the line like we align in that area but
i can't stop thinking that hey maybe this guy's a player maybe um he's seeing other women and i'm
just really nervous about this whole thing before i get into that if you guys aren't following me
on instagram uh go ahead and follow me there is i am coach court i wrote a quote about this actually
and the quote goes looking for love in all the wrong places pretty much means anywhere outside
of you that doesn't mean avoid relationships it means realize that you already have everything
you need if their relationship falls apart so if you're not following me there go ahead and check
me out um but i also told her because you're a fearful avoidant there are certain things that
you didn't see or certain certain healthy patterns that you didn't observe as a kid
and i took notes here because i wanted to make sure that i got this all down
i said well um the first question she asked was what's wrong with me and i said well trauma's
wrong with you i was rummaging through some of my my old paperwork i'm down in the basement
and i found something from 2013 when i first started my my attachment uh like studying
and it was it was really interesting because a lot of that stuff still holds true and i lost a
lot of different paperwork i lost clothes during my divorce because i moved i was moving from house
to house but the one thing that i kept was you know my training and i can remember from the
training there's this thing called trauma informed care i ended up getting my certification in that
and they have a website that you can go and you can do like a a brief overview on the amount of
traumas that you experience as a kid now that website is called aces to high a a-c-e-s-t-o-o
hi h-i-g-h aces too high.com you take that test and you can kind of see
you know how many traumas you had growing up and you can also see how resilient you are to
the traumas that you experience everyone's trauma threshold is different like you can see someone
you know something tragic happen to someone and be scared for life or you could be someone
who has a high high resistance to their trauma and um just you know see it as just a tuesday
but when it comes to uh your relationships you have to understand that those traumas
they typically don't disappear they're going to show up in some way shape or form in your life
growing up you know we talked a lot about you know being resilient and and just surviving
the ghetto but you don't really survive it's it's almost a form of ptsd you know opposed
so whenever you you have these situations arise like this situation here she's in a relation or
she's trying to uh have a guy pursue her or and vice versa but the traumas that she experienced
from the past she's going to continuously relive those because you know 95 of the things that uh
the way that you operate it you you have no control over it's your subconscious ingrained
so i thought that was interesting that she reached out to me and it's a very it's a
very important question to ask yourself you know what's what's wrong with me and i said
that's a great thing that you're doing that right now because you're taking that subconscious wound
and you're bringing it to the conscious front you're starting to realize what's going on with
you and asking questions about how can i change this what can i do to make this go away i said
that leads me to the next question um that she asks why aren't i good enough and i said you
probably aren't felt don't feel like you're good enough because you never felt good enough as a kid
and this isn't something that's a hundred percent certain because there definitely are cases where
people had lots of love and lots of abundance in their childhood as far as like emotional support
and you know supporting everything that they wanted to do in life
but for the majority of the cases i've seen it's usually because they didn't have that
type of person to support them they didn't have that healthy attachment to someone as a kid
so that's why you probably don't feel good enough is what i told her
and she of course she agreed she said yeah that's pretty much the case but you know how do i change
that so well you have to you have to work on rewriting that narrative that you tell yourself
there's a book that i recommend to a lot of my clients it's called homecoming is by john
bradshaw and i actually had this book referred to me when i was going through my own issues and
uh struggling with my attachment and it's it's crazy because when i was going through you know
2013 i was studying attachment style but i was still uh struggling with my own attachment wounds
sorry struggling my own attachment wounds so it never goes away like the apple doesn't fall
too far from the tree i know people say that's that's saying over and over again
and i had someone joke with me one day and they said what if someone comes along and
picks the apple up and throw it down the street i said well it's going to be a pretty that's going
to be a pretty steep hill because once they throw it up that street it's going to just tumble right
back down i can think about some of the sayings that my mom used to say to me and i used to think
like oh that's such an annoying saying like that irks me and i'll never say that to to my kids
and then i'll be doing something where you know it just automatically just comes out like
something that my mom said to me when she used to discipline me some type of saying that was
annoying or something and i think to myself like i told myself i would never say that to my kids
and that's such an annoying thing to to hear repeatedly so um it really doesn't fall too
far from the tree your upbringing is everything so if you found this video valuable go ahead and
click this link right here where i talk about why the rebound actually doesn't matter you can
also follow me on my other social media accounts twitter instagram facebook as i am coach court
and i want you guys to remember when you go be love you'll never have to find it namaste