- When men meet that special person, right?
That special somebody,
that they know she's different from everybody else
that they've met in their life.
There's a particular way that's very, very common
for men to describe that experience.
I've had probably six or seven friends in my life,
best friends who have met that person.
And when they start describing her, there's this,
"Okay, this one's different."
And almost always it turns out to be the one for them.
And the way they describe it is this.
They'll often say, "Man, she's different
from everybody else that I've met.
And being with her is just easy.
It's like I feel at peace with her,
or I feel at home with her."
And then they go on to describe how that feeling is.
And so if we unpack this, what is this sense of peace
or home that a man feels?
What contributes to that,
that creates this irresistible experience where he's like,
"Wow, this experience is different
from anything else that I've had."
Well, to support us in this,
I've created an acronym out of the word PEACE.
And we're gonna look at five attributes
that you already have, that when we dial these up,
it creates this beautiful experience
for the two of you together.
So, let's take a look at the word PEACE,
and let's unpack it.
Look at this first letter P.
That stands for positive possibilities.
You see, every one of us has the power
to choose what we're gonna focus on.
And we're either gonna focus on the things
that can go right,
the opportunities that are in front of us,
or we're gonna focus our minds on why it's wrong,
why it's bad, and what's not gonna work out.
And the well-trained mind doesn't ignore circumstances.
It's not just making up lies and saying,
"Oh, everything's great," when it's not.
But it's taking what's there and saying,
"Okay, what positive possibility can we make out of this?"
Because when you're in a partnership,
you know really right away whether you're the one
who's gonna hold the weight
of overcoming all of the challenges,
or you're gonna be able to share that with somebody.
When a man's with a woman
who he knows is gonna link elbows with him
and face the world together and have the mindset that says,
"No matter what we face,
we're gonna be able to overcome this
and create something great."
Because she can see positive possibilities, that is magic.
Let me give you an example of this.
There's a woman that I coach, her name is Barb,
and she is an author.
She's written all these books.
Barb has a mindset where she looks
for positive possibilities.
This mindset that says, no matter what challenge
that she's facing, she's gonna find a way to overcome that.
In Barbara's life, she lost her husband.
Her husband passed away.
And as painful as that was,
Barb's belief system is that her life wasn't over,
and one day that she would find love again.
And she did.
And she met this amazing guy named Brian.
And so Brian and Barb built their life together.
And one of Barb's dreams was
to get her book made into a movie.
She wrote a book called "Guiding Emily,"
about a blind woman and her guide dog.
And it got turned into a movie by the Hallmark Channel.
And so Barb's idea was to do a premiere
with this movie to raise a bunch of money
for the Foundation for Blind Children.
So, they plan this big event, it's sold out,
and they're gonna show the movie
at this Foundation for Blind Children Center,
and raise all this money and have a great time.
A few days before the foundation calls her and says,
"Hey, we need to get legal permission.
We thought we didn't, but now we think we do,
from Hallmark and so on and so forth."
Anyway, the lawyers talked,
turns out they can't show the movie.
And so the foundation is saying to Barb,
"Should we cancel this?
Should we, I think we should
just give people their money back."
And Barb was committed to raising money for this foundation.
And so Barb tells him, she's like, "Don't cancel the movie.
We're still having this night.
We're still gonna do the fundraiser.
In fact, we're gonna do something even better
than showing the movie."
They were like, "Great, okay."
They hung up the phone and Barb looked at her husband,
Brian, was like, "What am I gonna do?"
And she was in full-on panic mode.
But she knew that if she just took a stand
for something positive,
a possibility that that possibility would exist.
And so as they began to brainstorm, "What could we do?"
They thought, "You know what?
Here's what would be better than the movie.
What if we took people on a behind the scenes journey
of making the movie and all the things that went wrong
and the things that went right and really giving them,
so that when they watch the movie they can see the backstory
to all these different scenes."
And so she said, "Brilliant."
She spent two days putting together this PowerPoint.
It was an hour long presentation.
The night of the foundation celebration everyone comes,
it's a sold out house, it's packed.
And so Barb's greeting everybody.
The time for the presentation starts,
and Barb lets them know,
"I know that we're expecting to see the movie,
but I've got something even better in store for us."
And she described the scenario
and then she went into her presentation
and she captivated that audience for over an hour.
And at the end the president
of the Foundation for Blind Children came up to Barb
and said, "Barb, I don't know how you did it.
I thought we're gonna have to give everyone their refund
and give all of this money back to them.
But you created something
that really was better than the screening of the movie.
Everybody is raving."
Barb had a sigh of relief, gave him a hug and said,
"I'm so grateful to be able to raise all of this money
for these children who need it."
That is a beautiful example of positive possibilities.
Because in life there's always gonna be challenges.
But within every single challenge is the seed
of an equal or greater possibility for good.
If we're willing to look for it, find it, and cultivate it.
And so when you build that muscle in yourself,
you set yourself apart from so many people,
'cause so many people haven't yet cultivated the strength
of that quality in themselves.
The E in PEACE stands for embrace the present moment.
In other words, be here now.
You see, we're spiritual beings
having this human experience.
And anytime we can connect to the spiritual side
of our nature, it feels life giving.
It feels grounded, it feels peaceful,
it feels centered and expansive.
And one of the quickest ways to do that is
to move into the present moment.
And so much of our lives we're focused on the future
and task oriented,
and let's get it done and let's get there.
And when we're doing that, we're missing the fact
that life is happening right here and right now.
So, one of the magnificent attributes
of the feminine is the ability to draw the masculine
into the present moment, to soak up that experience.
There was an example of, I'm writing my next book,
"Cracking The Man Code."
And this woman submitted a story
about her and her boyfriend going to Hawaii.
And they planned this beautiful trip,
and as they landed, they're in this rental car
and they're on their way to their Airbnb
that they had rented.
And her boyfriend was in full-on mission and schedule mode.
And he's like, "All right, we're gonna go
to this grocery store.
We can get the groceries
and we can set up the house and we can do that.
Then this snorkel shop closes by this time.
We can get our snorkels and our boogie boards
and our fins and all of this,
and then we're gonna be.
And then tomorrow morning we're gonna do this."
And meanwhile, she's looking out the the window
and she sees this gorgeous beach.
And so she slides her hand into his and she says,
"Honey, let's just take a deep breath
and soak in this moment.
I wanna do all of that stuff, and would you be willing
to drive me over to that beach right there?"
And so she saw him shift out of his one mission
and into the next, and he's like, "Yeah."
And he pulls the car over and they go to this beach
and they take off their shoes and they walk in the sand
and she could see him begin to shift out of this,
get it done energy into this, let's experience this energy.
And she hugged him and she pulled him close
and their toes were sinking in the sand
and they walked into the water
and the water was soaking their airplane clothes.
And they're having this beautiful moment
of hugging and kissing.
And she felt him sink into this present moment
and this big smile spread across his face.
And he said to her,
"Thank you for helping me get here into Hawaii.
Get into this moment.
I'm ready to relax now.
I'm ready to be on vacation mode now."
One of the things that helps your man generate this sense
of peace is you helping him move into the present moment.
The A in PEACE stands for accept yourself.
And here's why this matters so much
to create this sense of peace and home in the relationship.
When you accept yourself more fully,
you love yourself more fully.
In other words, you dial down the voice of self-criticism,
you dial down the voice of condemnation
when you make a mistake.
You forgive yourself, you're easier on yourself.
When that dials up, you're creating a field
or an environment where your man is free to accept himself,
where your man is free to say,
"I know I'm not gonna be perfect," and it's okay.
As you're accepting yourself,
he feels more accepting of himself,
and then you're free to be yourself.
You're free to live more fully and more expressive.
And so if you would love a tool to help you with this,
a reminder of this, one of the great things we can do
to love ourselves is through specific meditations
that evoke the energy of love.
And so if you would like that, I've created a tool
for you called the Self-Love Activation Toolkit.
And it comes with a journal,
it comes with a meditation, and it is free.
And I've designed it for you to help empower you
and support you in this area.
So I'm gonna have the team post the link in the description,
post the link next to this video.
You can click that link,
you can tell us where you want us to send it,
and we're gonna send you a download
to the Self-Love Activation Toolkit.
It's a gift from us to you.
The C in PEACE stands for certain.
In other words, he is certain that you're gonna do
what you say you're gonna do.
You are dependable, you are reliable,
you've got follow through.
When you say you're gonna call at a certain time, you call.
When you say you're gonna do something, you follow through.
And when there are agreements being made and kept,
that creates trust in the relationship.
And when there's real trust,
that foundation helps people relax,
because you know what to expect.
When I started dating my wife, I remember being surprised,
and she was shocked when she said she was gonna call
at seven, and she called at seven.
And I was like, "Whoa, you actually called at seven."
She was like, "Yeah, 'cause I told you I was gonna call
at seven."
And why was it so shocking for me?
Because I had just gotten out of a relationship
with someone who was completely uncertain.
If they said they were gonna do something,
it was like a 50/50 chance whether they would do it.
And slowly it began to erode the trust
that I had in the relationship,
the trust that I had in myself in choosing a partner.
I was so impressed with the certainty that she brought
to the relationship that it helped me relax.
It helped me feel grounded and help me feel at peace.
And finally, the E in PEACE stands for Engage the Fun.
In other words, having the mindset
that life isn't happening to us,
that we can actually create fun,
we can create joy, we can create the laughter.
And it's this attitude where you're not taking everything
so seriously, right?
It doesn't mean that we're ignoring our feelings
or we're whitewashing everything,
or just being super positive for that sake.
No, we're gonna handle what needs to be handled,
but you're also looking for reasons to laugh.
My sister-in-Law recently shared that one of the things
that she looks for in friends is someone
who is looking to laugh easily.
That's a mindset.
That's a way of being, and I love that.
If you're able to roll through life and you're laughing
and you're having fun, that feels life giving.
So, there you have it, the PEACE acronym,
for what is it that creates peace in his world?
My question for you is, what is it
that helps you feel at peace in a relationship?
I would love for you to share
that in the comment section below.
This is gonna be super valuable.
And know this, the love that you're seeking right now,
the love that you would love
to cultivate is seeking you back.
That love is available to you.
And as you continue to grow and stretch and learn
and improve yourself, you're making available
that love right here and right now.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching.
I'll see you soon.
(gentle music)