♪ ♪
I came out when I was 28...
I was like working towards telling my parents
and I told my sister,
and then I just decided to like tell my dad first
and so I wrote him this letter saying, you know,
that I was like 90% sure, or 70 or 80% sure, that I was gay.
And then after several months
I decided to tell my mother as well.
At first they call me up,
the first thing my father said to me,
"I thought you were only 80% sure. What happened to the 20%?"
I've been out since I was 15.
And I've had it really easy in a lot of ways,
my father, two of his brothers
were either queer or gender-queer.
So they kind of broke the mold for me.
I didn't really officially come out to anyone until I was 33.
But I still didn't have plans to tell my parents.
My parents were visiting for my daughter's birthday.
And it occurred to me to mention that
I think someone else in our family is --
might be gay, but it's a young person.
And I said, "If this person comes out to you one day
you can't treat them any differently."
And they're, "Oh, we would never."
I'm like -- [laughter]
"I think you might."
And my mom out of the blue goes, "Are you coming out?"
And I was like -- burst into tears,
like there was no, there was no.
I was like I finally have this opportunity to tell them
and I don't even have to say the words.
Part of the impetus of me really just finally just
saying this is who I am
is because my parents were offering to help me financially;
buy a condo, my first home, and I just wanted them to know.
I said, "I want you to know this is who I am."
And so, "I'll totally understand
if you don't feel comfortable assisting me financially."
And they said, "You're our son.
We wouldn't think of not doing it."
♪ ♪
I think it's having the courage to open yourself up,
to see a different perspective, a different point of view
because the way I live is different --
- Yeah. - --from others.
I love it when people say to me,
they're like I'm going to ask you a question
that's probably offensive to you.
I'm like, "Great, go for it!" [laughter]
I'm like something useful
will probably come out of that moment.
I came here in 86',
and when I first came to the Patent's Office I wasn't technically out.
Even though I was out to friends,
at work I just didn't feel comfortable
in being out to my supervisor.
While I was working for him
there was a hate crime and there was a demonstration.
I went to that demonstration, and I happened to be --
there were news cameras and I happened to be on TV,
I didn't know that at the time.
So the next day, when I went to work,
my supervisor came up to me and he said, "I saw you on TV."
And I thought, "Oh."
And then he surprised me, he said,
"It was good what you did."
So I mean, I've often been surprised.
When they offered me the job I said,
"The only condition; I'm getting married so
I have to go down to Hampton Roads for this week
and I'm going to go honeymoon,
and everything is scheduled and paid for."
So my supervisor is like, "Of course.
We'll give you the week off."
You know, everybody kind of talked around it,
but it made me feel very comfortable.
And somehow the word got around and --
You say my wife once and people are like --
- Right, right. - [unintelligible]
Yeah, it's like people don't want to ask if you're single
or you're married, but they kind of ask around that
and find the opportunity to say it,
and then you know one day I heard a knock on the door
and there's my coworkers with a big cake.
- Aw. - To congratulate me for my wedding.
That's awesome.
So that was --
You know, that's the moment where you feel so much lighter.
I was like, "Ah."
The first time I actually got involved with Lambda PTO
was actually contacting you about one of my incidents,
you kind of mentored me a little bit
and I became a faithful member of Lambda.
You're kind of passing on the torch,
I think Lambda's a great organization for USPTO.
One of my uncles, he developed HIV when I was 10 or 11,
and he passed away.
I had always hung out with him and his partner,
but to be honest like I was a kid
so I just assumed that they were roommates.
One day we were hanging out in the basement playing pool,
and my sister asked him
why he lived with my uncle Steve.
And Jim said, "Because I love him."
This light bulb went off in my head
and I was like, oh my gosh!
And I ran up the stairs and I said, "Dad, Steven's gay!"
And he was like, "10-4."
[laughter]
So where were you?
♪ ♪
I was getting ready to go stand-up paddle boarding,
in Annapolis, Maryland with a friend of mine,
and we pulled into the parking lot
right before they made the announcement,
and he drives a Jeep, so he unzipped all his windows
and turned the radio up in the parking lot,
and we all just kind of stood around;
the kids and the two of us,
and just listened to Obama, you know,
and his speech in the Rose Garden
and it was a huge step forward and it was so great.
When I first heard about the Supreme Court decision
I was actually in the Arlington County Building Permits office.
My fiancé and I were building a new home
and I was watching a TV waiting to be --
waiting to pick up my permit, and we got the decision
and I started crying.
That Friday we were at Busch Gardens,
and I remember Michelle went into the bathroom,
while I was waiting outside I got the text message saying,
"Breaking news..."
And so when she came out
I had the text message ready. [laughter]
It's just amazing to think,
I never would have thought, growing up,
that this would be available to me.
And yes, obviously, we were married in December.
The USPTO is proud of its diverse workforce
and recognizes the crucial role our lesbian, gay,
bisexual, and transgender employees play
in accomplishing our mission every day.
In recognizing the LGBT community,
it is important to reflect upon the progress that occurs
as we share significant moments together.
While historic Supreme Court rulings don't happen every day,
meaningful conversations can;
by sharing and listening
we make USPTO even more welcoming and inclusive,
and a place where all employees feel respected and valued.