[disgusted noises]
I'm cooking, I'm cooking things. Cooking things for people to eat.
I'm cooking, I'm cooking things. Things that people will chew.
Perfect timing! I think my loaf of bread is just about done.
[screaming]
I'm just going to give it a few more minutes.
♪ For he's a jolly-good Spencer For he's a jolly-good Spencer ♪
♪ For he's a jolly-good Spencer ♪
My feet are swollen!
Where are my pills?
[laughing]
- All right, come on! - Okay, okay, okay! Ready?
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah, baby!
- Happy birthday. - Thanks, kid.
And happy birthday, old man Belly Button!
Thank you, Carly!
Okay, okay. Let's eat this sucker!
Giant spaghetti taco time!
Grande espagueti tacola!
- Hey, what are those? - Clams!
I took Kirsten to Madison Beach and we went clam digging all afternoon.
Was it fun?
- Yeah. - No.
I can't get my clam open!
You just gotta...
This is a rock!
Aw, they're all rocks!
Aw...
I'm home.
Oh, let me guess, Sam and Freddie are with you.
No, Sam, Freddie and Gibby are with me.
Oh!
Terrific!
OK, why are you on the jank?
Because I was forced to lie to Freddie's mom.
I told her I was starting a bread business and I will not let anyone call me a liar.
Don't touch it! Stop!
Where's my yeast?!
Aw...
Carly, could you get the door? I'm not dressed yet!
Okay!
Crack two eggs in a bowl.
But only the egg whites.
Aww!
Here, you little yolks.
- Hey, Spencer. - What's up.
Hey, little sister and her two friends
who never seem to hang out at their own homes.
- What you cooking there, handsome? - Everything.
My friend Socko's having a birthday party next week
and I'm in charge of all things food and/or food-ish.
[doorbell rings]
I'll get it. Here, Freddy, hold these egg yolks.
Wait! No, no, no! Wait, wait!
[roaring]
[screaming]
Stop it!
Stop eating my soup!
You're a monster!
[roaring]
[screaming]
Ah!
Oh, okay.
It was just a dream.
Oh, whew!
[screaming]
Ah!
Oh, very nice.
That looks yummy.
Okay.
- Hey. - Hi.
Um, are those your book club ladies?
Yes.
You guys talking about a book?
No, we're...
just exchanging recipes.
Recipes for what?
Fruit tarts.
[laughing]
Okay, everyone out! No more fruit tarts for today!
Bye-bye, ladies. Bye-bye.
Thanks for coming. Bye!
- Bye, bye! - See ya!
- See you next week at Stephanie's! - Thank you!
- Okay. All right. - Bye.
I am so sorry.
[phone ringing]
Oh!
Hello?
Dad!
What's going on?
Oh, nothing, I just got my hand in a chicken!
Yeah, it's dead.
Where are you?
Oh, cool.
- Hi. - Hey.
There's a chicken on your hand.
No, Carly just walked in.
- Yeah, sure. For you. - Who is it?
- Our creator. - Dad?!
- He's on a submarine. - Oh, cool!
Dad? Hey!
Yeah, we're doing iCarly tonight, why?
- No way! How?
- How what? - Shhh!
Really? Oh, my God! That's so great!
- What's great?! - Shhh!
So, everyone? On the whole sub?
- Every who on the whole what? - Just stuff your chicken!
That's so amazing!
Right, so I guess I'll see you tonight!
I mean, I won't see you, but you'll see me.
You know what I mean.
Yeah. Okay, you want to talk to Spencer again?
Oh, you don't?
Okay, bye!
What?!
His submarine's docked right off the coast of Alaska
where they have internet access.
So, he and the whole crew are gonna watch iCarly tonight.
- Fo realz? - Fo yeah.
It's gonna be the first time he's seen our show live.
And why is your hand in a chicken?
I got a date.
- Who with? - With a real woman.
As opposed to?
I just mean she's, like, a really classy lady.
Get this, her name is Candice.
Classy.
She's the president of her own company,
she reads books and she wears pantyhose.
- Impressive. - Yeah.
- So you're making her dinner? - Uh-huh.
She wrote on her online profile
that she likes sophisticated men who can cook.
So I'm making her dinner and I bought these.
- Sophisticated? - I guess.
Where'd you get those?
You know Socko's cousin, the optometrist?
- Isaac? - Yep.
[phone ringing]
Um, I think your cell phone's ringing.
Yeah, you see it?
[phone ringing]
Could it be in your chicken?
Oh, man!
Pretty sophisticated.