our next guest is a talented writer actor and comedian his new comedy dvd is entitled know
your history jesus was black so was cleopatra it's in stores now here's the very funny paul
mooney how you doing was that music for me i believe so yeah that's insane how you doing how
was your trip in did you come in from california to be here oh yeah oh yeah it was very very uh
i want to tell all white people to stay away from the airport really
was there trouble it's not for them it's not for you no i'm serious it's not you can't you can't
deal with it they have this whole terrorist you have to take your your uh shoes off and
you know i come from an ancestor of slaves black people we can handle it sure yeah because all my
white friends are in the nut house now they go no they go to the airport they flip out that's my id
at least 50 times i think about you and they go crazy so i have to i have to help you get through
this because white people terrorized us for 400 years we're used to this we want to thank you for
this we can no seriously we can handle this and now they have this new uh liquid thing they have
and it's insane i mean they bring liquids oh my god they go crazy they go shampoo freeze
eyeliner don't you move but i've been back and forth i've had meth cocaine heroin weep move
on nobody we don't have time for small things shampoo security i mean it's i mean it's really
at the airport it's simply not for you it really isn't and it's like they tell you they tell you
strange things here i'm on orange alert i said good i'm on white alert i'm not getting off of it
now uh along those lines what what about the the presidential race and
oh my god you know about that well i've heard about it
i love i love it i mean it's it's madam president get used to it oh you think hillary clinton oh
i said it when she didn't even know it really seriously she denied it i smelled it a long time
ago she denied it oh no i'm not remember yeah but i knew it no i want you to know that that's
a that's a mooney prediction i mean i do negro damascus and that's a negro damage prediction
what was the name against
she uh she will run she will win and she will be president for the third time
wow oh yeah that's very exciting oh no no oh ob oh believe it madam president
really and it's it's a great thing now i know that they have this black man running
that's a big deal you know la boomba la bamba kunta kente whatever his name is
barack obama oh yeah barack obama whatever whatever well that was fair uh
he's too black he's too white he's not black i mean they're going real crazy
he's an american and that's good but he doesn't have a chance he doesn't really
nothing against him personal he's too skinny he's too thin no we don't like thin presidents
we don't go in the history of us within president we don't like them we'll shoot them
we don't like them then here is my fantasy yeah okay here's we all have them my fantasy is
i want hillary to run with him oh on the same ticket i want
him to be the vice president because that would assure the president won't be assassinated
uh uh it's it's such a crazy world now
what else has caught your attention lately in the in the news bush
bush caused my attention bush has everyone me you everyone in this
audience he has everybody brainwashed everyone yeah black white green yellow
fat green skinny everyone is brainwashed by bush gas is so high we think it's low
have you been in it have you been in the gas station yeah no no it is it is we think it's
low we go around saying it's low yeah i mean i think i think i'm at starbucks i said look
i don't want a latte i want a gallon of gas no it is i can prove it to you i've traveled
all over the united states gas is high there hasn't been a drive by in la in four months
wow my god
uh i'm not through with bush um
when i see bush he's unbelievable to me i can't get ready for him
or his little black girlfriend i can't get ready for him secretary audiences
the question for the evening is does bush eat rice
that's that's insane that is insane
wow yeah chinese chinese does rice eat bush hey we're gonna that's what felicia
that's paul i always had a little shaky about coming on this show because you have the white
paul the black paul that we can get confused that's right but it's good i like that you have
my back i like that no yeah go ahead i want to ask you a question about uh a friend of i guess
a friend of yours certainly an acquaintance a guy that i have known and you have known
for a long time michael richards what what what did you make of that other word yes yeah well
you know it's like i was an ambassador for the n-word i mean richard pryor and myself
well you know richard my my late best friend who passed which was the first afro-american to go
well comedian to go to africa and he said that he wasn't going to say the word dick gregory was the
first to put a book out with the n-word he said so every time you said you can push my book richard
said he wasn't going to say it it wasn't african language and he didn't hear it over there when he
got back here he wasn't going to say it i had a romance with the word i couldn't see the n word
for the trees and i told richard and robert wins all i said i don't care i'm still going to say it
because we were trying to you know desensitize it make it our own all these other things and i was
into that and it took michael richards because i've known him for a long time and to see that
tape over and over again it was just too much for me and it's an equal opportunity where everyone
uses the young kids asians black the white kids everyone uses it and they say you spell it with an
a spell it with an e it's like cooking a goat whether you saute it or barbecue it is still
a goat so that was for me i i came to this thing maybe i'm touched whatever i don't want to say the
word anymore i don't want to hear the word anymore you know and no i don't i want to yeah thank you i
i want to i want to live in a world where i don't hear that word the b word there's a lot of words
that i don't want to hear anymore but i came to michael i mean jesse jackson al uh uh i can't even
think of his name sharpton which kills me he says he's 52 i went to his birthday his hair is 52.
no it is and it was the birthday party and he kept calling this woman
little kim and i said something's wrong with him why is he calling this asian lady little kim
and then i got close and it was little kim
but i said i didn't know surgery could change your race it was little kim lee but anyway
uh so i had this whole meeting with him and i gave him tough love and i you know being
a comedian you know we all know each other like vampires even one of us dies whatever
it bothers all of us and so i want to deal with him and find out why he was shocked he had this
in him okay he was really sorry and forgiving about it and he said some white people said i
agree with you he didn't want to be the head of the clan he didn't know he had this thing
he flipped out because he was on that tv show and he was the darling of the discotheque
now a lot of people don't know he started to stand up we know it and he was good at it
now when he came back it's like jesse james hanging up your guns he wanted to be me he
wanted to be rich he was trying to be on the edge he tried all this stuff and the audience
wasn't going for it and they turned on him so he reached in the hill and pulled out all these words
but dealing with him if i hadn't come to his rescue and stood up for him they would have
crucified him and deported him and i couldn't that the hatred in people and the non-forgiving
and they didn't care and i don't want to hear that and why are you with that guy and this
and that you know and i was saying look you have he's a human being you have to forgive people and
he he's he's sorry and so we have to move on now you know what the word now and i'm glad it was put
on the table because he actually helped us talk about it and i called turkey on the word whoopi
goldberg called me up she said paul i know you're the ambassador for the word and i've got to get
a pass she said i got to curse some black people out friday and after friday i won't say it anymore
and was that all right did you give her the dispensation oh i i i totally i totally gave
it to her but before you i have to tell you the story that my neighbor told me i have to tell
you and then i'll i'll stop because i live in a white neighborhood you know and i've lived there
for i've known you for 30 years and i'm as sick as they are because uh they won't go to sleep when
i come home and it's too much responsibility no it didn't no and when i moved there 30 years ago
i burnt the cross on my own lung and i drove them crazy for five years because i stood
out in the middle of the street every night i'd scream but i'm better than all you white people
i'm better than all you white people i don't have black people living next door to me but
my white neighbor told me a joke and then i'm finished and i laughed so hard
about her sister who's a white woman who who baked the chocolate cake for her little white
son and this she turned her back little white son put chocolate on his face said look mommy
i'm black and she slapped him she said don't you ever say that in this house go tell your
dad what you said said look daddy i'm black and daddy slapped him don't you ever say that you
go tell your grandfather what you said look grandpa i'm black and grandpa slapped it go
back to your mother and the mother sitting down and said timmy now what have you learned today
and timmy said i've learned i've been black for five minutes and already i hate you white people
here it is uh paul mooney know your history jesus was black and so is cleopatra
thanks paul good to see you again paul mooney everybody
you