Hey Dan here and I have an awesome questions sent in today from Sofia from Estonia
which is do enfps hate each other why do infps fight each other
essentially do is there a reason they don't get along Sophia is from Estonia I
may or may not have mentioned that already and she's an INFP and she writes
I've noticed something strange lately concerning three of my friends who all
turned out to be enfps it seems that they don't get along very well I've
talked to each of them and they all have some kind of negative opinion about the
other two it was always like that and lately I've learned they are all enfps I
know it's best not to get stuck in types but as far as it goes it seems to me
that enfps tend to have disagreements and quarrels with each other by default
I may be mistaken and failing to understand them since I'm an INFP but my
question is why don't you ENFPs get along so this is a really interesting
question and to be honest I can't say for sure if ENFPs do or don't get
along I'm going to explore the reasons they may not get along I'm gonna make
that assumption personally I have a very biased like there's too much selection
bias with my view of enfps because I'm mostly meeting enfps who've come to work
with me and stuff like that and the enfps who watch my videos and are probably like
man I hate that guy usually don't leave a comment so I'm only getting friendly
comments from other enfps and stuff like that there's a few things that could be
going on here first off enfps we tend to have big personalities we tend not to know
when to shut up you don't Sophia doesn't say how old she
is but I would guess she's in her little twenties maybe like early 20s and things
like that so you know enfps especially as we're younger we tend to
say too much maybe be the centres of drama not always the case maybe that was
just me but I definitely had more turbulent friendships when I was younger
one of the reasons being is this need to like speak the truth or stand up for
what we see as injustice now as you get older you learn that some
times were very biased you know there's many ENFP communists revolutionaries who
believe that they were doing the right thing for the people and were very firm
about it as they murdered thousands of people and you know ruined countries so
we're not always right but we tend to want to speak our minds and we see it as
the truth so that could be one thing regardless of whether they're all enfps
if you put three people with strong personalities together you're going to
have people butting heads on some level it's just pretty natural I think there's
a few of the things that could be as well I see ENFP is we tend to value
authenticity we like people who were real and at the same time especially
when we're younger we definitely walk a line between being authentic and wearing
this mask and being that chameleon so as an ENFP you can kind of see when
people are being fake and so you might have like these three people who are all
judging each other in some way for not being totally authentic
even though they're not being authentic yet like because you're still developing
and you know most people just aren't authentic in general but definitely I
think comes later in life we're authentic until we're like five years
old and then after 30 we can become authentic again or something maybe it's
younger than that but you know you know what I mean so there could be something
like that you know I tend to think at least myself actually I'll be honest I
tend to be a fairly harsh critic being an idealist wanting like I have high
expectation for myself and for other people and it's something that I'm very
actively worked on and I've got better at but I believe that is an ENFP trait
as well is we have high expectations for self and other people so now you've got
these three people together that have big personalities they're high
expectations for themselves and other people they're judging each other about
how authentic they're being even though they're all kind of like chameleons that
makes sense combined with the last thing which is we
tend to have a strong dislike for the things that we also suppress in our own
personalities like our shadow self and so this this comes up I mean the most
cliche example is the gay politician who's like really antiquing
like you know the Republican in Alabama who has three boyfriends but he's
anti-gay you know you should go to jail or whatever kind of people that's the
extreme almost comical although way too often true example but it comes up a lot
you know I have been very candid with you when I see people who do like sleazy
marketing and like self-help people who are just I can yeah it's one of the
things that really makes me dislike people and and sometimes it causes some
personal issues because I'll meet people at like networking or business events
and I know what their business is I'm just like I don't want to talk to that
guy and part of that I know is I'm sure inside I have a fear that I that person
like is there part of that in me that would cheat or lie to people or am I
doing it without like you know that kind of thing and so the things that we're
maybe most afraid of being ourselves when we see it in other people it brings
out an extra level of hate and so you can probably imagine and and generally
there's some element of that to us it's like a shadow personality or whatever
part of it so you can imagine if you have three enfps they all probably have
some similar fears of the types of people they don't want to be but they
also have some of those traits in themselves that's why they're working
hard to not be that and then they're seeing it in each other and yeah III
could see how this is an issue so in conclusion accepts at my events
where it seems to work out really well and people make friends I would not
recommend putting a group of enfps in a room together for multiple days but if
you're interested I am hosting some events this year that tend to be about
half enfps it's not all enfps at my events and somehow we don't kill each
other we all get along really well but reflecting on this question maybe less
enlightened people people who aren't working on themselves as much I could
see a group of ENFP is really butting heads that makes them
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