so true so trisha paytas just made a video titled ready to date again and I could
definitely empathize with her I have been where she has been and I know a lot
of you out there have been as well so let's talk about it what is up everybody
this is Chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem but
focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel what I like to do let's
take a look at what's going on in the YouTube community or pop culture in
general try to see what lessons we can learn from them so if any of that stuff
make sure you subscribe and ring that notification about so real quick
housekeeping I am a social commentary channels right there my banner social
commentary with a solution so if things are happening in the public spotlight I
like to do some commentary on it share my personal experience and see if
there's any lessons that you could take away from it as well so a list I was
just watching this video and liked it it reminded me like Trisha Paytas and her
video and everything she was feeling and her emotions like it reminded me of this
life that I was living for so so long and I can definitely relate to that and
I know a lot of people who are watching her content can relate to that as well
and I will say this like I am super glad that she shouldn't be putting this out
there and everything like that like regardless she is alright but at the end
of the day there are definitely people who are watching this and being able to
relate to it and connect to it so I wanted to share my personal experiences
about it as well so the first thing I wanna just real
quick is this clip I think I'm ready to be out here to depressants which I don't
what to be honest I don't what to be real
get me out of bed like I absolutely get that I absolutely get that Trisha Paytas
just recently discussed her addiction to prescription pills and getting off of
them and everything like that and not wanting to be on antidepressants and
this is something like that I have seen countless times so although I am NOT a
licensed therapist or psychologist or doctor or anything like that I'm coming
up on seven years playing I worked in addiction treatment for three years I
have literally worked with thousands and thousands of drug addicts especially
people who are addicted to pills and just to give you some insight a lot of
us we don't want to start taking a medication to help with our depression
or anxiety because we've been a slave to this pill for so long now that we're
clean we don't want to do that again right but the reality is in order to
recover in order to stay well we need to hit this baseline so what happens is and
I won't go into the in-depth neuroscience of addiction my course on
addiction is free if you want to check it out there's a free link down below
check it out I go into the neuroscience and everything but long story short
basically drugs spread out dopamine in your brain it raises your baseline
alright so when you build up a tolerance to drugs you need more and more in order
to get those dopamine hits dopamine is something that gives us pleasure makes
us happy now when you stop taking drugs you go boom you plummet and your brain
is not used to creating its own dopamine naturally so typically antidepressants
help people when they're first getting clean it is extremely common for people
who just got sober to be extremely depressed so like when I was working in
the addiction treatment center like 98% of our clients regardless of if they had
diagnoseable depression were on antidepressants
so sometimes is actually a short-term thing now almost seven years later I am
still on antidepressants I've gotten off of them a few times I've documented that
or here on my channel but it still comes back so that's why I still take them but
what I want to tell you anybody out there who is getting clean from
or if you know somebody who is do not be afraid to take advantage of medications
that will help you stay clean because the three reasons we drink or use drugs
is to get a feeling to get rid of a feeling or to have an escape alright and
what happens is if we fall victim or prey to our own depression we have a
much higher chance of relapse one of the primary causes of relapse is an
untreated mental illness like depression or anxiety so I used to joke with my
clients all the time because a lot of them when they return the dog don't want
to treat these medications just like you guys we have been shoving substances
into our bodies for years now then all of a sudden there's a medication that
can actually help us and now we're like oh no no no I don't want to take
anything so if you're somebody who is experienced with that like I get it but
just remember it doesn't have to be for the rest of your life typically an
antidepressant you might only be on it for six months to a year just to get you
out of bed so you can go out socialize with people get to therapy get to
12-step meetings hang out with family and friends that's what it's all about
there anyways when it comes to dating again like I definitely feel the pain
that Trisha Paytas is going through like looking back at her history it doesn't
seem like she's had any extended period of being single and that's how I was as
well so in my personal experience and once I started dating my freshman year
of high school I was constantly in a relationship right and I was typically
in long-term relationships I did not know how to how to be single right like
I had this void inside of me that I thought only somebody else could fix I
needed them to complete me I was relying on another person for my happiness and
well-being and something that Trisha Paytas touched on which a lot of us can
relate to is when we are so dependent on somebody else for our own happiness we
can start to lower our bar or will stay in toxic relationships like I stayed in
many toxic relationships far too long because
although they were verbally mentally sometimes physically abusive to me the
fear of being alone was greater than the fear of staying with that person so when
I first got sober one of the biggest recommendations they had for anybody
who's getting clean is to stay single for a year all right I was like well
that is literally the dumbest thing I've ever heard
but it started to make sense for a couple reasons why one of them was I saw
all of my friends in early recovery getting into relationships and one of
the few things would happen either they would they would break up and the other
person would relapse or they'd be in the relationship and the other person would
relapse or they'd break up and my friend would relapse sometimes this would lead
to a death from overdose all right and here's why like when you're early in
recovery it's kind of like starting out a new business all right
and when you start a new business or any business rather like it's about
decreasing risk you want to minimize your risk so go through the gambit of
all the reasons we drink or use drugs right well how many times have we drink
or use drugs because of a breakup how many times have we drink or use drugs
because of an argument with our significant other how many times have we
drink or use drugs just because the other person wasn't giving us the amount
of attention that we needed there are so many reasons why we choose to drink or
use drugs we are so delicate and fragile in early recovery and here's the thing
like somebody one of my buddies and recovery saying this he said like
staying single your first year it's the the most suggested and the least
followed and that's so true I am not even exaggerating this I have seen
thousands of people try to get into relationships in early recovery and I've
seen like two or three of them work out all right
like think about it think about that and some people like well maybe I'll be that
one of the three you know what I mean but the reality is we we are at a much
higher risk of relapsing that first year that's why it's so important to focus on
ourselves so I anticipate is's mama you know what I mean like if she's gonna
date gonna day do your thing baby girl but if
you're somebody watching this just understand this that first year it's
time for us to repair ourselves and to figure out why we keep turning to drugs
or alcohol not only was I addicted to drugs and
alcohol I was addicted to relationships you'll see what I mean I did not know
how to be alone I didn't know how to love myself I needed somebody else to do
it for me and the thing is like how many of you out there have never had somebody
just break up with you and there wasn't even like a warning sign or they cheated
on you right people are fallible people do random things without any warning so
to put our happiness eggs in somebody else's basket is setting ourselves up
for failure now something else I personally realized in my recovery and
you might be able to relate to this is I realized that I can be a selfish
self-centered dick alright like I remember I'll never forget I was
sitting in a 12-step meeting and somebody was like talking about their
relationship and they were talking about how like your wife or girlfriend or
something like that like you know just wanting to spend time with them and
everything else in there I was like I just want to play video games you know
what I mean like and then it clicked for me I'm like wow I am a really
self-centered selfish evil like I think about me I also think about what this
other person would do for me what can I take from this relationship rather than
what could I give right so what I realized was not only was it dangerous
for me to be in a relationship my first year but it was also selfish of me like
it was selfish of me to be a hot mess to still be mentally and emotionally
unstable and bring somebody into that like it would be so selfish for me to
pull somebody in and say listen your job is to fix me alright so what I did was I
actually stayed single and celibate for a year and a half while I did nothing
but work on myself alright and because of that the next
relationship I got in was better but it still wasn't perfect that lasted for I
don't know six and nine months something like that but then I states
again for a very long time and then you know what happened you know what
happened next I met that girl right there the most beautiful amazing woman
on earth my lovely girlfriend Tristan all right but it's because I was able to
stay single and now I could be in a relationship where I know what it's like
to have a healthy relationship all right I waited until the time where I knew how
to do that in a healthy way and now now I don't have to worry about relapsing
just because my feelings got hurt all right so I wish Trisha Paytas the best I
again I am super glad that she's staying clean going to therapy and working on
herself this video is for anybody out there who can relate and I hope you
think about these different aspects of relationships before you get into your
next one all right but anyways that's all I got for this video if you like
this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and
win that notification about because I make a ton of videos and a huge huge
thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon you're all
amazing and if you would like to become a patron help support what I'm doing
here get access to our monthly Q&A it's another person benefits click the top
right there alright thanks so much for watching I'll see you next time