Good Morning Hank, it’s Tuesday, Greetings from COVID, and uhh…
Great video last week Here’s the literal opposite of that
If you know anything about me it’s that I am America’s leading COVID
Stricken stars versus influencer slash analyst This car, awe,
naw see that would be a massive issue for me Because one of my biggest fears
Is getting unexpectedly drenched in raw sewage And that looked like it maybe had sewage in
the back of it. There we have a
What I think is known as the cars vs.world As a, as a proper issue
Now there is the smartest car in the squid (laughing) I think I was going for squad
But I like squid better Sometimes you write a line
Like the most famous example in my own life
Is fall asleep the way you, fall in love, fall— Fell in love the way you fell asleep
Slowly then all at once When I wrote that line I remember
Being like, that’s pretty good And it is
I still–I still like it ok But it’s not nearly as good as the
Smartest car in the squid That’s, that’s proper genius
You know I think I want to drive around the Giant Bulge
I don’t understand the urge to conquer the Giant Bulge
It feels like toxic masculinity to me But I would…
I would survive that I would be very freaked out afterwards
Um, I’d probably call my therapist and be like You’d never guess what was in the road,
It was a giant bulge This one–
I don’t like No, that’s a no
This is a big problem for me because I do not enjoy a spinny ride.
I don’t like the teacups at Disney World And I do not like my car flipping over
In multiple directions Like dozens of times,
And then landing on its– But you know what
It’s like I always say If it rides I live–live–live
I’m working on a pun, ok I’ve got a little foggy brain
This one, again– I think that’s,
I think that’s Gonna be a real issue for me
I think, I think I’ve got myself A, I think I’ve got myself
A proper problem. Although–
If it rides I lives– I wonder what I would have to
Be faced with in order To indulge in a real life version
Of Cars vs. Giant Ramp This is of course umm–
Not, gonna be the kind of thing That one emerges from
Uuuh– like I guess if like Somebody was like, hey
You’ve gotta do Cars vs. Giant Ramp Or we’re gonna exterminate the human race
I would be like, oh finally It’s my deep impact moment,
It’s my chance And I’ll be the hero
That second grade me Wanted to be
But, the problem is adult me Is pretty cowardly
So I might try to get Somebody to volunteer as tribute
If we’re being realistic I might be like,
Don’t we need young adult novelists In the glorious distopian future
That awaits us on the other side of This great sacrifice.
I love the idea of going to a
Cocktail party and like meetin’ somebody And sayin’ like, hey what do you uhh–
What do you do for a job And I’ll be like, oh, I make TikToks
Simulating Trains vs. Giant Pit outcomes And I’d be like, oh, that’s cool of you…
Have you learned anything? And they’d be like yeah–
The big thing I’ve learned in my research So far is that it’s pretty bad for trains
To run into giant Pits. Got a rainbow color train
I wonder if changing the color of the train Changes the outcome.
I’m going to take a wild guess and say I’ts still going to be an issue for there
To be a giant pit. And it is– (laughing and coughing)
This is the most fun I’ve had in like… at least three days.