It's the summer of 2021 and after a global pandemic, several lockdowns, and the anti
vaxxers dying off, we are finally going to see a revival of live music.
If your band is eager to get back out there, get up on stage, and rock the world, here
are a few helpful tips to help your next gig go just a bit smoother.
*intro plays* This might not have crossed your mind because
your band is clearly the »next big thing«, but a good live show is more than just you
playing to a crowd.
There's planning and preparation before there's execution.
If you guys want to put on a great gig and not make complete idiots of yourselves, the
put down the bong and pay attention.
! Or better yet, write it down!
That is, if you have any rolling papers left to write on!
1 DON’T SHOW UP IF YOU HAVEN’T LEARNED YOUR SONGS
Before you even think about gracing the stage with your awesome presence and your equally
awesome music, make sure you actually know how to play your songs!
Because if you don't, you'll end up on the internet!
Trust me when I say this, you don’t want to be a laughing stock for millions of people!
Just look at all the band-fail compilations on youtube and ask yourselves »Do we really
wanna end up in one of these?«
Put in the time, practice together, and work out the kinks.
If a particular song is giving you trouble, it might be best to just leave it out entirely,
or try to find the problem element and simplify it.
Look, I know you think that you need that exact intricate tom fill at that exact point
in the song, but if the drummer can't get it down properly, have him play a simplified
version.
….yeah, like that’ll happen.
If your singer is having a bad day and can't really hit the high notes, have him sing an
octave lower for that part.
Believe me, the world won't turn on its head if you make a couple of compromises that help
you give a smoother performance.
Your drummer & Singer’s egos may not survive, however.
2 YOU’RE NOT AN IMPROV GROUP, PLAN YOUR SHOW AHEAD OF TIME
Besides practicing, you want to make sure you've got most of your show figured out ahead
of time.
That means decide what songs you're going to play, make a setlist for everyone in the
band and then practice to it.
Print them out if you can… in big, bold friendly letters so there’s zero confusion
about what song is being played when.
It's also good to keep in mind that there's a good your guitarist, the awe-inspiring perfectionist
that he is, is going to decide to tune his guitar in between songs.
This is a good time to have some stage banter written, because no one, and I mean NO ONE
WANTS TO WATCH YOU GUYS JUST STAND THERE WHILE THE SLASH WANNABE TUNES HIS GUITAR.
And please tell him beforehand to mute his guitar, because nobody needst to hear that
shit.
Like FUCKING EVER.
? Yeah, believe it or not, it's really not that entertaining.
In fact, it's kind of vomit-inducing to listen to, and you WILL be mocked by the very same
people you came to entertain!
Even if it is YOUR guitar player doing the tuning.
No, really!
3 IF YOU'RE NOT EARLY, YOU'RE LATE Show up in advance.
Preferably, several hours in advance!
Why?
Because there's more to playing a concert than just you showing up, playing your set,
and getting wasted.
Don't pretend to be rockstars, YOU'RE NOT!
The truth is you're in a small band, nobody knows who you are, and your job is to make
sure the people at the venue are entertained and enjoy their night!
Let me say it real slow for the singers: The people you're playing to, aren't there for
you to stroke your ego on.
They are there to have a good time and hopefully hear some decent music.
Show up early and actually try to be the band people want to work with and book future shows
with.
If you really want your band to succeed and become professional musicians, THEN START
ACTING LIKE PROFESSIONALS.
4 DON’T SLACK WHEN GETTING YOUR SHIT ON STAGE
I know you guys are musicians and probably have raging hard-ons for gear, so this might
be a shocking revelation!
People don't really want to watch you haul your gear on stage!
No, it's not entertaining in the slightest.
Set up quick, help each other carry on the heavy stuff, and until it's time for soundcheck,
DON'T PLAY ANYTHING.
Nobody wants to hear you nervously fiddle on your guitar while your drummer is busy
carrying his 8 piece kit with 17 cymbals onto a stage that can barely fit all of you.
Share the workload and be a team!
It also helps if you know where and how to set up.
If at least one of you has the chance, visit the venue a day before and talk to someone
about where the various elements should be placed.
It will show the venue owners that you mean business and that you want the night to go
as smoothly as possible.
That being said, please make sure to bring EVERYTHING you actually need?!
I've been to more than a few shows where I had to make a mad dash back to the jam space
to retrieve the dumbass drummer’s carpet.
The carpet which HE marked with duct tape to make placing his kit easier!
Even if you don't think you need it, if you have space in your car, or you live close
by, bring it!
And if you end up not needing it, KEEP IT OUT OF THE VENUE SO IT DOESN’T CLUTTER EVERYTHING.
I know there was a huge outbreak of people stealing carpets out of cars a few years back,
but somehow you’ll survive if you bring it.
5 GET SOUNDCHECK DONE AND THEN GET OFF THE STAGE
Once you've brought all your gear on stage and set it up comfortably, it's time for that
bitter-sweet symphony of steaming shit known as soundcheck.
Where no one shuts the fuck up, and the primitive instincts of the musicians become very apparent.
FOR SOME REASON, the second nothing is being played, the guitarist will start playing some
shitty solo he made up the night before!
….Or the drummer thinks it's funny to start playing blast-beats!
And while all this is happening, the bass player is probably drooling on his phone playing
Angry Birds!
It's enough to make a guy wonder how these people function, when most of the time, they’re
playing chicken with oncoming traffic just to pass the time
This really isn't that difficult!
When you're doing soundcheck, the sound guy is trying to balance the volume of the PA
and your stage monitors.
That means that you have to play when, and ONLY WHEN, he tells you to!
Since it's common knowledge that musicians are cheap bastards, I’m going to assume
that you didn't even pay for your own sound guy, and the guy who works at the venue is
struggling to find the strength not to throw something at you, when you decide to start
wanking off on your instrument.
Let the man do his job!
Then, and ONLY then, can you play a PART of a song to see how well your monitors are adjusted.
He'll make minor adjustments for you one by one as you tell him, so before you inevitably
whine at him because »you can't hear your amp« consider the fact that you might not
be first in line for everything, every single time, you fucking primadonna!
6 SHARE GEAR BETWEEN BANDS This is an absolute no-brainer, but it's also
a good opportunity to shake some hands and build relations.
Chances are there's going to be other bands that play before or after you.
So unless you want the show to be mostly people hauling drums and amps up and down the stage,
consider having a meeting with the other bands and discuss what gear could be shared between
all of you.
Bass players, only one of you has to bring a cab to the show, the rest of you can bring
along your amps and just plug into that!
WHAT A NOVEL CONCEPT RIGHT?
Drummers, try to organize so the core kit elements are shared.
That way, you only have to bring your snare, cymbals, and maybe the kick pedals.
If one of the drummers has a great kit, offer to chip in together to cover the cost of replacing
his skins after the show.
Even if he doesn't think he'll need to, it just shows good sportsmanship.
Other bands appreciate it when you look out for someone other than just yourself.
On a related note: if you're playing with the Dayglo Abortions.
DO NOT let those fuckers anywhere NEAR your gear.
Back in the 80s, my friend Steve, who helped me build this place, his band got to open
for the Dayglos… one of them asked Steve if he could play through his Marshall JCM800,
an amp that he worked his ass off to afford.
The Dayglo stupid fuck got on stage, cranked everything to 10, and blew the power tubes.,
When the night ended, it was “oh, sorry about your amp, dude.” and then they drove
off, and Steve got stuck with the repair bill..
What a dick move.
Now I did mention this incident on the show a few years back, and I got a phone call from
tht guitar player who offered his apologies.
But it’s like, dude, it took you 30 years ,and public shaming for you to finally apologise
for fucking over an 18 year old kid.
A kid who spent countless hours working at a gas station to afford that amp.
If you’re going to borrow someone’s gear, you’d better be able to afford to pay a
repair bill if you fuck it up.
Otherwise, break your own shit.
My warning still stands, don’t let these morons anywhere near your gear.
But if you're at least somewhat familiar with the people you’ll be sharing the stage with,
there’s no reason to not share.
It really comes down to trust.
7 DON'T BRING BARELY FUNCTIONING GEAR – TEST IS BEFORE THE SHOW
If your guitars have shit electronics, if your cables are fucked up and crackle, if
your drum skins are cracked, or your mic capsule is blown, DON'T BRING THEM TO THE SHOW.
Seriously, what are you hoping for?
That the gear fairy is going to show up at the gig magically fix everything before you
play?
That your duct tape special won’t stop functioning at the most crucial moment, just before the
first song?
FUCK’S SAKES: Take some time before the show to actually test your equipment!!!
You might want to play that show with your favorite guitar, but guess what?
If that guitar's electronics are held together by spit and chewed-up gumballs, it might be
best to go with a different one!
That is of course if your majesty's ego will allow it.
Besides making sure your gear is in gigging condition, you should also make sure to bring
spares!
Things that can break or go missing in a pinch like strings, picks, tuners, drum sticks,
etc.
Even tools like screwdrivers.
flashlights. and soldering irons can come in handy!
I have two videos you can check out called »The guitar player’s toolbox « and »how
to build a drummer’s toolbox«.
They include all the little things you’re going to eventually end up needing, so check
them out after you’re done with this one!
Organizing your tools and spares, will ensure that if something breaks, you have an easy
fix right at your side!
It's just really handy to have, even if everything goes right for you.
Maybe the other band’s guitarist might snap his string, or need a spare pick.
Or their drummer forgot his drop clutch… like my drummer did at a gig once.
If you're there to save their asses, believe me, you'll be a godsend to them and they WILL
repay the debt in one way or another...unless of course, You’re playing with Abandon All
Ships.
In that case, don’t bother.
They have a long, proud history of treating other bands like shit, so fuck those clowns.
8 DON'T GET WASTED BEFORE YOU PLAY I know this might seem like common sense to
those of you who have a functioning brain, but this is a real problem that many musicians
deal with.
It’s very common for guys who’ve never played before to tense up and cave in.
Stage fright can be a real kick to the nuts and doubting yourself, before you even get
on stage is only going to add fuel to the fire.
So what do the genius musicians decide to do?
Drink and/or do drugs to »take the edge off« Let's be very clear here.
Alcohol and drugs are not going to help you.
Alcohol is a depressant, Weed is a depressant, and cocaine, well, if you’re doing that,
your a fucking moron . Sure, these things might help you take the edge off, but there's
a big difference between taking the edge off and getting fucked up to the point you're
throwing up, yelling at people, and crying over your last breakup!
If that doesn't get through to you, maybe this will.
Remember, it's okay to be awful.
Remember point number 1?
Nobody knows who you are, and they don't expect you to blow their minds either.
Keep that in mind, keep yourself sober, and do your best to actually blow their minds.
It's better to be remembered for playing a half-decent show than being a laughing stock
because you were so wasted you pissed yourself and ran off stage.
9 DON'T BE A DICK IF YOU DON'T GET SPECIAL TREATMENT
If you were too dense to follow the rules so far, then you have no right to complain
when someone calls you out for being stupid and lazy.
If you were late to the show, don't expect the promoters and organizers to just »be
cool with it«.
Everyone attending and working at that venue is relying on you to do your part and fulfill
your promises.
If you didn't practice, don't blame your bandmates for playing wrong!
If you brought shitty gear to play with, don't expect others to bail you out!
If you half-assed your soundcheck, don't blame the sound guy for your monitor mix not being
perfect!
You are not better than anyone at that venue and you most certainly do not deserve special
treatment.
Look, organizing and setting up a gig isn't easy.
The venue owners and promoters function under pretty tight guidelines and can be under threat
of legal action if they slip up.
So if you're the ones adding fuel to that fire by acting like a pack of buffoons, don't
expect them to be nice to you!
And don’t expect to play that venue again, because they won’t book you ever again!
10 DON'T BE MARILYN MANSON Back in 2017, Marilyn Manson played at the
Metaldays festival, and most people who were there didn't really like his show.
This pissed him off and he started INSULTING the audience, saying things like »Do you
people even speak English?
I'll talk slow so you can understand« and '' If you're tired, we'll just leave«.
And guess what?
HE DID!
The man took such a blow to his ego over a crowd not liking his drunken ramblings and
piss poor performance, that he left the stage half an hour early.
Don't do that shit!
Don't be a self-important douchebag!
Sometimes you might not get the reaction you're expecting and that can be a major downer for
you if you've been preparing for a while.
The crowd might not vibe with what you're playing… ... or maybe they're just not that
into you for some reason.
Remember that you're there to play and perform! it's not Sunday, and you're not at Church!
People did not come to the show to worship you.
You’re not the messiah, and your stage presence is not godly.
Not matter what your hangers-on might say..
Look, sometimes people just don't wanna mosh.
Sometimes they don't want to headbang.
Even to YOUR totally amazing and br00tal 5-minute breakdowns!
And don't even think about insulting the audience if they're not reacting the way you want them
to!
No matter what energy the audience is projecting, you have to deliver the goods and play your
show with everything you've got!
It doesn't matter if it's for 1000 people, 100 people, or a few dozen people.
If you give it your all, it won't matter how many people came, because the ones that did
will remember you!
And they'll respect you for not being a pack of whining bitches because you didn't play
to a packed house!
11 BEWARE THE THIEVES!
The sad truth is that not everyone in the world is a good person, and there's a chance
that some those people will end up at your concert.
And if they see an opportunity, they might just try to steal from you.
Make sure you take some precautions.
so your gear doesn't grow legs and go missing.
Get some stickers made with your band's name , and put them on everything you own!
Get creative!
Put two stickers on each item!
Put one on a really obvious place and another where only you’ll know!
That way if some kleptomaniac douchebag tries to snatch something, and peels off the obvious
sticker, you have a backup!
You can even buy a little engraver and engrave your name or your initials onto a part of
whatever you're trying to protect!
Colored tape on your cables makes for an easy identifier…. and makes tearing down after
the gig far easier.
12 DON'T STEAL FROM THE OTHER BANDS If you're one of the people that think it's
okay to just swipe something that doesn’t belong to you, FUCK YOU!
Seriously, knock that shit the fuck off.
Those are NOT your things, YOU DID NOT pay for them, and just because you're a jealous
little prick, DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN JUST TAKE OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT.
I get it, okay!
You just played a show, you're tired and possibly wasted.
You’re not thinking clearly and the little hamster that spins the wheel in your brain,
decided to take the night off.
So you convince yourself that taking someone else’s property is just a fine and dandy
idea!
Well, I have news for you.
IT'S NOT.
Do yourself a favor and think twice before you do some stupid shit like that, because
when, NOT IF, WHEN you get caught, you're gonna be up shits creek!
Depending on the people you tried to steal from, you're going to be humiliated and shamed
at best, or wind up visiting an emergency room at worst. ..and You’ll have deserved
it, too.
I can’t say it clearly enough, DON'T STEAL OTHER PEOPLE’S GEAR.
Even if you get away with it in the short term, what are you going to do?
Play your next gig with it?
Yeah, like the guy you stole from won’t be looking for it, especially at the gigs
of the bands he just played with?
Smarten up.
13 IN CASE OF FIRE, DON'T PANIC On the more serious side, keep in mind that
accidents can happen, and in a packed venue, things can turn chaotic very quickly.
Back in 2003, the band Great White were playing at The Station nightclub and there was a fire.
Their pyrotechnics ignited the non-fire-retardant “soundproofing” in the walls and ceiling,
causing a fire to quickly spread throughout the whole stage and later on, the whole room.
People were panicking, running for the exits with survival on their minds, and in the midst
of that panic, several people ended up trampled.
100 people died that night and 230 were injured.
Many of the survivors were left with burns, physical trauma, and some even developed PTSD.
What's even worse is that for some reason, that night, the club was exceeded the officially
licensed capacity and it stands to reason that if that wasn't the case, more or even
all of the concert goers, could have survived.
If you're playing an overbooked venue, and you feel like people could be in danger, put
your foot down and talk to the organizers about it because YOU don't need to be held
responsible for a person dying!
It may even be better to count your losses at that point, but if you truly have to play
the show, the most you can do is keep calm, and tell the audience to do the same in case
shit hits the fan.
No life is worth losing in a pointless tragedy, especially not at a place where people came
to enjoy themselves.
Do yourself and others a favor!
Learn how many exits the venue has, where they're located, help escort people to them
in case of an emergency and please, for the love of everything good, save yourself before
you try saving your instruments.