- [Narrator] Coming up on Dystopia Daily.
- [Dan] Ripped the entire ass to knee section
of my jumpsuit open.
Heterosexual people can't spell.
Hello, FBI.
It's a furry.
Sorry, do you want attention? (bark)
Decapitate your enemies.
(gurgling noise)
I would let you bully me at school.
(bark)
Make it stop, make it stop.
(classy piano music)
Bonjour sweaties and welcome back
to Dystopia Daily,
with moi, Daniel Howell.
The show all about the slip and slide of suffering
that is every single day of your fucking life.
But don't worry, you're not alone.
We're all rolling downhill together.
(deep breath)
(spunky intro music)
In the interests of cultivating engagement
with direct calls to action
as advised by the YouTube Creator Playbook
I will now communicate with my community.
Welcome to Community Corner.
(retro news channel music)
I personally think it's dangerous
to acknowledge an audience in any level
because once you learn
what a bunch of fucking weirdos they are
it just completely ruins your perception of reality.
And now I am going to just dive in and read the comments
because your feedback
always matters.
(bell rings)
(retro music)
Right,
(harsh grating noise)
The first one is from Beth who says
"I keep getting jump scared by Dan being active."
Yeah, I think that's fair enough. At this point,
me uploading a piece of content
should be a content warning.
Dark Ronnie wants me to know there is a "staight man" here,
winky face.
Alright, heterosexual people can't spell,
that's what we're learning here.
Why the wink though?
What does that mean?
What's, what's a knowing heterosexual wink
in my comment section, Ronnie.
That's just, that's bad energy.
Sorry bro.
Julia Gill, "God, I can't believe I'm seeing this man live."
And it is not clear from that comment
whether Julia is glad or she wants a refund.
Editing note, I did just realize
she might have come to see me in Oklahoma
where somebody yelled the C word at me
and then I fell over and ripped
the entire ass to knee section of my jumpsuit open,
flashing a thousand people in the audience,
and then someone had to run on stage
and try to fix my wardrobe malfunction with tape
in front of everybody.
And if, if you were there, that does make sense.
No refunds.
If you wanna potentially see another
Dan wardrobe malfunction, come see me on tour.
HK P says, "He seems like a nice boy."
I can tell he hasn't watched the fucking video.
And last one, "Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess
with thy mouth the Lord Jesus,
and shalt believe in thine heart
that God hath raised him from the dead,
thou shall be saved," to which 63xtd responded,
"who asked?"
(breathy laughter)
Yeah. I mean, got 'em.
But to be honest that's exactly what I expected.
Thank you so much for the valuable commentary.
As always, this informs all of my creative decisions
and self-worth, so keep it up
and just know that I'm always watching.
But that is enough about me.
Now it is time to put you on the stage
for me to pass some judgment.
It is time to review you.
(funky infomercial music)
Yes. It's that moment in community corner
where I give you a taste of your own medicine
and offer unsolicited opinions on your life choices
and self-expression.
And what are people more opinionated and annoying about
than fashion?
'Cause you, you, oh Dan, he only wears black.
(unintelligible muttering)
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
How much did you spend on that jumper?
Yeah, they say style is subjective
and we're about to see that you might be a fucking mess.
Who are you to judge me?
You sat there, someone smoking a long cigarette
in a Parisian apartment with a poodle and a fucking beret
or someone in Crocs, probably.
Let's find out.
Oh, there we go.
At the top of my feed, look who it is.
It's Anthony Padilla.
Can somebody get this guy some fucking attention?
Jesus Christ.
Yes, we get it.
You had a cool inky tattoo done and, okay,
what do you want me to say?
You are just the, the physically
and mentally healthy version of me.
Fuck off.
Twitter user Foxy Shaggy.
"A giant fox head" (horror music)
(laughing)
Okay, this is the second tweet.
Do a shot.
It's a furry.
What's the shot of? Something poisonous.
Nice
socks.
Look, this head is like three foot wide.
I just don't get it.
Why do fur suits have to be so big?
I'm gonna do it, guys.
"Fashion."
(laughing)
You know what?
That is how I look internally all the time.
From Singapore, "I don't know what style I have
I just know I am the moment."
Oh my God.
Look at you. You're easy, you're breezy,
you're casual, you got the pants suit,
you got the dress, you got the layers.
You got the mer-lion statue in the background
which I posted the weird photo of it shooting into my mouth.
And I forgot for a moment that Singapore,
I can't go there on my current tour
because it would be considered promoting homosexuality.
So that image of me guzzling the juice
from the mer-lion's mouth
could have probably gotten me arrested.
Thank you for reminding me of that.
(cheering) (laughing)
Not sure it's fit fashion, but it has pockets.
Hey, practicality ca, oh.
Oh. (hysterical laughing)
When you say it has pockets,
you didn't say it is entirely pockets.
You have got balls of yarn.
If anyone comes for your outfit, you'll be like,
yeah, yeah, but when you need literally any item
and someone goes do you have scissors, a fire engine,
the Constitution, you'll be like,
"Yeah, I've got a fucking pocket for that."
(short honking noise)
Practical.
Robin T coming in with the old kilt and sword combo.
Holy
shit.
If you've got an outfit that lets you appreciate the breeze
and decapitate your enemies,
you're fucking winning, mate.
My dog Enzo wants your opinion.
(hysterical outburst)
Pause.
Why is this dog definitely gonna be
the most fashionable thing we've seen today?
Look at the glamour, look at the grace.
Look at the composure of this dog's fucking face.
Heck, it's a turtle neck.
You all just got bodied by this fucking bitch
except it's a boy.
Well, Lollypop wants opinion on the cat's looks.
It's vibing in a nautical theme,
a pumpkin theme, it's wearing sunglasses,
and it seems to be also wearing my merch
that, okay, this cat is valid, you did it.
What's up?
And they appear to have
literally all of my clothes.
Did you rob me? When I came out of the closet
did you go in and just fucking steal my shit?
Is that how that's working?
Hello, FBI?
Yep. Daniel,
Daniel Inu.
Alright, I wanna see some things out of the box.
Qngelic says, "I sometimes partake in"
Okay. Okay, yeah.
You sometimes partake.
We got a beret! We have got the, we've got a beret,
we got platform boots, we got furry boots,
we got cargo pants, and we've got elf ears.
Thank you.
I would love to stumble across you in the woods,
mildly inconvenience you,
and then you put some kind of hex on me
that is just an inappropriate reaction
and just destroys my life.
Depressed lesbian core with a Taika Waititi shirt.
So what I'm seeing so far is there's a lot of people
that are also probably just depressed
conglomerating here in the community corner.
It's nice to see the black being represented
not by Bebba Bee, "thoughts and opinions, please."
What the ever loving fuck is happening here?
Okay, we got rainbow clowns in space,
we got multicolored dinosaurs and the frog eyes.
You are the anti-Dan.
Like the satanic person that's come to destroy the world,
You've come to frighten me
with everything that's going on over here.
Okay with the newspaper dress,
okay with the tennis,
okay with the Adidas, okay with the,
okay, alright.
These are the kind of posts here,
because if you say this is what you look like,
it makes me feel like I'm cooler than I am.
(laughing)
"Quite girly," but likes pink and sparkly earrings.
Okay, well I can get into it.
Oh my God.
(gurgling noise)
I would let you bully me at school.
Yeah, I'd let you throw a lunch tray at my head.
Let's keep this going.
I wanna see some styles, I wanna see some,
It's, you just, you've gotta, you've got
a gamer headset on,
you've got a fucking bucket on your head.
Okay. Okay, there we go.
I will be honest,
when I sent this out, if we're saying
do I imagine more of you look like this?
Or I imagine based on your comments
that most of you are sitting there sweating
in a gamer headset with a bucket on your head.
Oh my God, fuck yeah.
What I lack in life is serotonin, uh, confidence.
I just wanna hang out with you next to a water fountain.
I feel like you know what the fuck you are doing
with your life.
And lastly we got one from Amidala,
and what's it gonna be? Is it gonna be another bucket?
Oh my God, dude. What?
Okay. No, no, no. Stop, stop.
We're not doing this.
You know when you have a day
when you look in the mirror and you think,
okay, you know what, I might give it to myself.
Maybe I'm feeling a bit cute and stylish today.
And then someone just comes along
and makes you realize that you're a fucking slime.
Alright.
1-1-9.
Yeah, we're gonna have to have a drone strike on this guy
just for, um, devastating my self-esteem.
What does R do?
Redial? Don't nod at me as if everyone in the room
knows it's fucking redial apart from me.
Am I stupid?
(cackling)
Well, I went on a journey that was interesting
to see the various representation happening out there
that ultimately ended in my self-esteem being crushed
into a million pieces and snorted.
After these two reviews I'm starting to,
I dunno, I'm starting to feel
a strong parasocial relationship with every one of you.
I feel like we know each other. We're friends, right?
This is real, isn't it?
(chuckles)
Uh oh, social media's making things weird.
We've crossed a line and I feel
like I've got another meltdown coming.
(rattling inhale)
And breathe. We made it.
One more goddamn day behind us.
It might be a dystopia out there,
but here, for one calm moment
we can cleanse our souls with a bucket of bleach.
(calming piano music)
It's been a lot, this second episode from TikTok
and trying not to laugh
to talking about 'ligma' with the elderly, but,
now it is time to forget.
(deep breath)
Listen to the Tiny Zen Garden.
(satisfying scraping and tapping noises)
(breathy laughter)
That was actually slightly horrible.
(coughs)
But what is better to distract from that
than today's mascot?
Please welcome to the stage Hector and Milli.
Hello. Hello.
Oh my God, you love me. Finally!
Finally, somebody loves me. (pained laughter)
Let us be cleansed by a curation of cute content
from this community.
(whimsical harp)
Firstly, check out Celeste's gaming PC.
Holy crap, that PC is a cat.
Attack, puppies. Attack!
Here is a hamster eating a potato.
(laughing)
It might be the best video that I've ever seen in my life.
Yes it is.
No, I need that.
Jacqueline started a flower garden.
Yep. Yep.
Okay. Okay.
Well, I've probably got your butt on my nose now.
Which is bringing immense joy.
Can you say immense joy?
(snorts)
Wow. You arranged the shit outta those flowers.
Oi, what?
Sorry. Do you want attention? (bark)
Okay. Yeah, yeah?
Okay. Say hello to Cleo.
Cleo is on special pills,
and she's high as a kite and just straight vibing.
Think you guys need some special pills to calm down,
but for real, I wanna be that dog.
Oh, oh, oh.
About 20 of you guys sent me this lamp.
Guys, that is absolutely
most definitely not the vibe right now.
Don't look.
Do I look like someone that you can walk all over
emotionally and physically?
You're being polite, okay, Hector.
Millie, Dear God. Right.
Sit.
(whimpers)
Snack.
3, 2, 1.
(laughing)
(sound of hammer on anvil)
Oh, can we just kill all the people?
Can we kill all the people? Just have the dogs?
But then who'll be left to appreciate the dogs?
I volunteer as tribute.
Ellie is just happy with her boyfriend.
Ellie, he seems nice.
I totally would.
This cat got big
and is constantly surprised by her own long tail.
Okay, well you need to, we need to calm down.
We need to calm down.
Attack!
(suspenseful music)
No, no. Dogs, please cooperate.
Stop for one goddamn second.
No, I need this, I need this.
Stop. No.
Okay, wait, you stay.
No, I need you to not stay now.
(laughing)
Could you move?
Christ on a bike?
The,
This cat got big
and now it's constantly surprised by her own long tail.
Relatable.
Amber met her girlfriend through "Basically, I'm Gay"
and now they're moving in together.
Well, all of my trauma was worth it.
Go you.
I'm a total wipe out force apparently.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
(bark)
Make it stop, make it stop.
Oh my God, what's the appeal? What's the goal?
Okay, it's been a lonely three years for a lot of people.
This is the most physical contact I've had in a while.
And lastly, Becca made a card
to announce (barking)
that her goat is pregnant.
And you know what, Becca?
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Jesus Christ, children.
Becca made a card to announce that her goat is pregnant.
Becca, all attempts at art are amazing.
Good for you, and I bet that your goat will be a great mum.
Well, thanks to these guys, I'm looking a bit "ruff."
Sorry I just ruined the whole show.
I'm Daniel Howell and thank you for watching Dystopia Daily.
(mysterious outro music)