- Do you feel like you lack awareness?
We just spent a whole video talking about what awareness is,
but now, how do you develop it?
In Eckhart Tolle's book,
"A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose,"
he says, "Rather than being your thoughts and emotions,
be awareness behind them."
That's great advice, Mr. Tolle.
But how?
How do we do that?
I mean, is there a superpower for awareness?
Superman has super strength,
Flash has super speed.
How come we don't have a super awareness superpower?
All kidding aside, I'm going to suggest
that on this journey of growth and awareness,
that ultimately, you are the expert in your life.
You know what you need,
you know what is best for you.
If you just clear out the noisy internal voices of judgment
that say things like,
"You should, and you're supposed to,"
your inner knowing will be your best guide.
But even cleaning out the cobwebs of judgment is a process.
So be kind, compassionate,
and allowing with yourself.
As someone who has had a lifelong obsession
with getting to a destination,
getting to the next goal,
climbing the next mountain,
and results are all that matter.
Take it from me.
It isn't a race.
Find joy in your journey of growth
because the purpose of life isn't a destination
or a specific outcome.
The purpose of life is joy,
and that can be planted,
cultivated, and reaped every day,
regardless of what is going on around us.
The challenges, often, we have spent so much time
and energy and effort in a state of unawareness.
Planting obligations, insecurities, hurts,
and dozens of other things,
that we are shocked,
exhausted and confused,
as to why we are not reaping joy in our lives?
So how do we create the elusive awareness
that ultimately supports us in our growth journey?
Recognizing that awareness,
at times, can be painful.
Viktor Frankl and his timeless book,
"Man's Search for Meaning" says,
"Between stimulus and response,
there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and freedom."
There is so much power in those few sentences.
The question is,
how do we get to a beautiful place of space and response,
instead of constantly being in the misery of reacting.
We actually have a wonderful seven-week program
called, "Innate Healing,"
that walks you through step by step how to do just that.
But I'm going to share my favorite three tools
with you today, right here, right now.
First tool we're gonna talk about is meditation.
I started meditating when I had my third child
and I was tired and I was overwhelmed.
We had just started a new business.
Jonathan had just written a book.
We had a newborn,
and a two-year-old, and a six-year-old,
and I was homeschooling them,
and I was managing our businesses,
and I was exhausted.
I was also overwhelmed in a high strung
and I was like, "I'm gonna start meditating.
This whole mindfulness thing,
it's supposedly cool."
This was over a decade ago.
And every single time I would do a meditation,
I would fall asleep.
I kid you not, every single time.
And at first, I had a lot of self-judgment about that.
I'm like, "This is ridiculous.
You're not meditating right,
you're falling asleep.
You can't even listen to it."
And you know what I realized years later,
is that it's exactly what I needed.
I needed to fall asleep.
That was the support that I needed
to give me the space to take a moment.
And it was in that habit that I was creating,
even in falling asleep,
that was giving me space.
And in that habit of creating space,
it helped me in my moments of feeling high strung
and overwhelmed to remind myself
of what that space looked like
so that I could choose my response instead of reacting.
So what does this look like for you?
There are a lot of different types of meditation out there.
Try different meditation processes
and see what works for you.
I do best with guided meditations
and I still fall asleep sometimes,
and that's great.
They are some of the best naps.
There are multiple free apps out there.
One of my favorite apps is called the "InsightTimer."
There's a free version,
just use that.
A couple of my favorite meditations
are healing through letting go,
finding answers and loving
and listening to yourself.
Meditation is a powerful tool
for resetting your nervous system
and creating a practice of space
between stimulus and response
like Viktor Frankl talks about.
This is a wonderful habit that plants the seeds of awareness
that are so needed in cultivating the life you want.
It is even something I do with my children.
Some of their favorite meditations are bubble meditation.
Build a sand castle
and gratitude in the secret garden.
Remember, you are the expert in your life
for what works for you.
Keep trying different modalities of meditation
without judgment until you get something that fits.
And maybe meditation isn't the best fit for you,
try mindfully writing or journaling.
The next time you have an overwhelming,
exhausting or explosive experience,
basically, the next time you're triggered,
and you are tempted to lash out,
which would be a fight response,
or avoid, which would be a flight response,
or shut down, which would be a freeze response,
or take responsibility for the things that are not yours,
which is a fawn response.
I want you to take the time to write
about what is going on for you.
What were you experiencing?
Start wherever you want,
but I want you to get to your why.
Why did you show up that way?
What beliefs do you have about yourself
that caused you to react that way?
Where does that belief come from?
Why do I believe that?
Show yourself love
and compassion during this exploratory process.
There is a good chance
it's going to feel incredibly vulnerable
and bring the monsters
that are deepest fears out of the closet
and from under the bed.
So the first two tools
are all about peacefully turning inward,
which is great and valuable.
But sometimes, before we peacefully turn inward,
we need to express the pent-up emotions
that we are holding inside.
There is nothing wrong
with outwardly expressing strong emotions.
It just needs to be done in a healthy way.
This is true for me.
One of my self-care items is I attend an MMA Gym.
I love doing Krav Maga and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
Occasionally, I do some Muay Thai.
I am so often so tired
and exhausted at the end of the day.
I get up probably way too early.
I work all day long,
building our businesses, supporting you guys,
homeschooling our kids, sometimes renovating a house,
which you know, just is one too many things,
and I am exhausted
and I've had no time for myself in the entire day
and I kinda wanna just go to bed.
But I tell myself,
"You are exhausted, you are spent,
you have been doing all these things to serve other people.
You need to do something for yourself."
And it kinda sounds counterintuitive,
but I will push myself to go to the gym,
because I know that that outward expressive emotion
in sparring with other people
and beating each other up in a safe space,
brings me so much happiness
and I feel so revived.
This is also true for some of my kids.
I have a very outward expressive child
that needs to be the authority in his life.
And when he's having a hard time
and he's fighting with his siblings
and he's frankly picking fights,
I ask him, "Do you need to go for a run?
Do you need to go for a bike ride?
Do you want to hit punching man?"
Yes, we have punching man in our house.
It is a necessity, right?
If you are someone with high energy
and expressive outward emotion,
it is so powerful to learn at a young age or any age
that there is nothing wrong with that,
that you just need to learn how to channel it
in a healthy manner.
What can this look like for you?
What it looks like for me is joining an MMA Gym.
It could be screaming into a pillow,
it could be smashing plates against the wall.
I suggest getting ones at a thrift store
or going to a rage room.
But here's the thing,
working through the outward expression
of anger or frustration
is what allows the vulnerable emotion underneath
to come to the surface.
What have you found that works well for you?
What new things are you gonna try?
Keep in mind, awareness is not the destination.
It is a stop on the journey of becoming our best selves.
One that we will revisit again and again and again.
Once there is the dawn of awareness,
the question question is,
what do we do with it?
You then have the opportunity to inquire,
"Is this serving me?
Is this something I want to keep as part of me?
Or do I release it
and replace it with something
that is more supportive and nurturing?"
This is a simple process that we go through step by step
in our seven-week Innate Healing program.
If you feel like you would like support
in your healing journey,
please click the link below
to schedule a free 15-minute call
with one of our therapists.
And will you do me a favor?
If this video has been supportive for you,
will you share it with a friend or loved one in your life?
And remember to keep shining.
We need your light.
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