[YELLING]
Welcome to Comment Commentary on the nerd channel.
I'm Steve Zaragosa.
I'm Meg Turney.
I'm Ross Everett.
Oh, guys, here we are again on these dumb beanbags,
getting ready to--
Aw, I like them.
--have a great time with both of you guys--
Don't touch me though.
What do we got going on, guys?
What's going on in the SourceFed nerd world?
I'm glad you asked, man.
I've just had this thing weighing on me about--
Sure, let's hear about it.
I was wondering--
Yeah, so the other day, I was like--
and it was just so weird, and we were talking and then the boss
just came in and--
No, I get it.
He's like that.
Anyway, let me braid your beard.
Feel like I'm not listened to--
So there's this guy that I really like.
His name is Joe.
And he's married and has two kids,
but I feel like I have a shot with him--
We have Mario on there--
Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score.
--Mario's on the phone.
Right?
Because a ring--
Hey, hold on real quick, have you seen Steve play sports?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Trisha, Joe, and myself run a TableTalk in which we asked,
which animal would you want to be bitten
by so then you'd have your powers?
It was really fun.
And Bryce Oliver says he'd like to be a mantis shrimp, one
of the biggest badasses in the animal kingdom.
Nothing messes with those guys.
You know, I just learned about mantis shrimp.
I think everybody did from that Oatmeal article.
From Radiolab, they also did a whole thing
about how mantis shrimp have 16 cones in their eyes.
Yeah, they see colors!
Well The Oatmeal's a webcomic, so--
Was that a comic?
No, thats a podcast.
That was a podcast, so--
Well, yeah, it's kind of the same.
It was different hipster levels.
In fact I think the comic one quotes
or gives credit to the podcast.
So you're Portland, and we're Austin.
Ooh, OK.
That's how it goes.
I'm down with that.
We both should be nuked off the face of the planet.
Whoa--
Where does Los--
Austin's my home town!
--Where does Los Feliz fit into this?
Well you're not there right now.
I did recently learn about the mantis shrimp,
and that's a badass thing, man.
They boil the water in front of them or something crazy.
Well they walk so fast that they boil the water
around them or something.
So weird!
I guess their claw can shoot out as fast as a bullet.
And so it will pierce something instantly.
That's crazy!
And then they have this crazy armor.
And their armor is so intense that I
guess the US Army is developing armor based off
of their genetic structure.
Yeah, absolutely.
So ridiculous.
Yeah, it's terrifying.
So if you were a person shrimp-- mantis person-- mantis
Steve-- when you walked around, would you
just boil people alive in front of you?
Well, I feel like the human version
of that would be, my feet have these fire jets on them.
And I could lift them up, and just flame
the fuck out of someone.
Oh!
That's pretty cool!
I think you'd use it to run away.
You'd just run away.
Well when you run really fast, you
leave the tracks like the Back to the Future car.
Exactly.
Trenton Nezzy says I would be bitten
by a beetle, 300 times stronger than normal,
and I'd have a hard shell, so I have armor.
A lot of armor.
People want that armor to protect them from words.
A lot of bugs have cool armor--
Oh yeah, they've evolved that way--
Exoskeletons--
When you're that small, you have to evolve
something that makes you awesome.
I said I wanted to bit by an orca.
And somone said--
And then I saw that movie Blackfish--
No, it's not cause I saw Blackfish and I was like,
I'm going to be so super emotional, because remember
in the movie they have these brains that
are so super emotional.
And I was like, that'll be my powers,
and I'm like crazy emotional--
You're just very emotional--
And someone said, you forgot that you have to--
Once a month, you have that power.
[IMITATES ORCA SOUND AS LAUGHTER]
But 1peanutgallery was pointing out about the orca thing
that I would actually have to suffer the bite,
and then maybe I wouldn't have an armor or anything.
Oh no, you could survive a bite, you've seen Blackfish.
That's true.
I could just survive a little toss around.
Yeah, just a little bit of drowning here and there.
Just a little bit of bloop!
Oh my god, that part was chills.
Chills!
You guys go to Netflix.com/SourceFed,
get yourself one free month of instant streaming.
And in the meantime, watch Blackfish.
It'll ruin you.
Listen to what TheAuburnStang said.
Elf is terrible movie!
Like 2 stoners were sitting around during Christmas
and one said, dude, what if a man grew up
with elves and Santa!
Then it cuts to all of the old Christmas cartoon characters.
That is a stoner's idea.
He eats chocolate syrup and spaghetti.
Pregnant women wouldn't think of that.
Wow.
What?
Here's the thing--
That's some hate right there.
--I've got to say--
Children think of that.
--I don't hate the movie, but Elf is not my favorite movie--
I agree.
--There are people who are like, Elf was the best movie ever!
And I just don't think--
I agree.
When Elf came out, it was so funny.
--I saw it in theatres, it was funny,
and then I never thought of it again.
Really?
I didn't see it in theatres, I saw it on video once, I think.
Really?
It's just not for me.
Jake Thornton says, the problem with being a starfish
is you might have to barf up your stomach to eat things.
Think about having dinner.
You'd sit there with one of your vital organs on your plate,
digesting a meal in front of everyone
with a tube going down your throat.
Wait, do you have to have that part?
It worked for Terry Schiavo.
Can you-- OK.
There we go.
Yup.
Well you have to keep that in.
You have to live with that joke.
Have you guys ever seen The Fly?
The Fly has-- he barfs out his stuff and then he sucks up
the--
Really? [WHISTLES]
--Well that's how flies eat.
But yes, 2014 is here!
Wait a minute, woo!
You're really pumped, huh, Steve?
You guys are thrilled about--
Super pumped about CES.
--You guys, it was so awesome that we
got to go to CES 2014 Trisha's there.
We wanted to-- oh god-- we wanted
to know what you're most excited for.
And this is the best one.
Nicholas Dooley says,
He's right!
Both consoles aren't that great right now.
Here's what they did--
The PSwhogivesashit.
--You know what they did introduce,
was 400 of the exact same Steam Machine.
Yeah, get ready.
But they both have a Geforce GTX 760 graphics
card and an i5 processor.
Oh my god, AnySub says, new battery technology
for god sake!
It's about time!
Right?
We just talked about that.
Right?
We did a TableTalk, which, I don't
know if you've seen it or not yet, because we
shoot everything out of order--
But keep your eyes peeled for it!
--I don't know what fucking day it is.
But keep your eyes peeled for it,
because I shot a piece where I was like, in the TableTalk,
telling about how battery technology needs
to be better now.
And we need batteries that don't need to be replaced and shit.
And everyone made fun of me because they're like,
we can't have nuclear technology in fucking batteries.
And I was like, you've got to think outside the box, guys!
Think about scifi technology!
People fucking 30 or 40 years ago were like, What?
A computer your hand?
That's bullshit!
It's like if Charlie Day and Jack Black had a kid.
Dylan Tucker says--
I was so worried that was coming at me.
--Dylan Tucker says, everything Razer and Corsair and Cherry
and blah blah blah, but he also mentions V-MODA headphones,
which is what I rock.
And they got me an interview with Geraldo Rivera
so you know they're good headphones--
Yeah, look at that.
For real?
These headphones are so good, they
got you an interview with someone
who doesn't matter anymore.
Oh yeah!
We were at the Republican National Convention,
and Bowman was wearing them.
Everybody was swarming him.
And this lady goes, excuse me, can I help you?
Those are really cool headphones.
And Bowman's like, great!
Can we interview him?
Real life!
Guys!
Well that's better-- that's just about as good as that time I
got an interview with Willard Scott
because I had a BK Broiler.
Dude!
Those should be the product endorsements.
V-MODA headphones, we'll get you an interview
with Geraldo Rivera.
BK Broiler want to talk to somebody whose name I just
forgot when you said it?
Wilford Brimley?
There you go!
Willard Scott!
Willard Scott was the weather man in the '80s, I think.
"Die-uh-beet-us."
This is the baddest man.
I love my Wilford Brimley!
I love him!
Wilford Brimley is like America's dad.
No, he's America's diabetic grandfather.
All right.
We have bigvirgotube says,
You know what?
I'm sorry, I've got to skip right over your bullshit
and go straight to WowAaronIsAwesome, who says,
hover boards or I don't give a fuck?
Exactly!
You win!
Give him the t-shirt.
Give him the shirt!
No!
PSwhogivesashit!
Fine!
No, no this person gets it.
All right, dissent.
But--
This person gets it because it's true.
I mean, PSIdon'tgiveashit is second place for sure--
Nicholas Dooley got my vote.
Excuse me, you're new here.
We decided that--
Oh sorry, rookie!
We give the t-shirts away.
I stepped out of bound.
Although it was a good choice--
That was a fucking great--
It was a great choice.
Second choice.
You're going to be looking in your YouTube inbox.
We're going to be messaging you and everybody's
going to sign this shirt from FHP's Drawing Board.
And I dropped it!
Wee!
Listen, I've got to be honest with you guys though.
In keeping with the spirit of the question, look,
2015 is just around the corner.
And Back to the Future II-- -- Yeah--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Yeah but years go by real fast.
Well then the next CES we'll already
need it to be on the consumer market.
So this was the CES where we really
need there to be a demo unit, the hoverboard.
And that's the thing.
When you see Back to the Future II,
and in 2015 they have hoverboards,
you can only assume they've been around for a while.
Because kids are fucking floating around them.
Adults have like--
And in a small town.
It's not like rich guy--
Yeah.
But Hill Valley?
It looks like they've been there for a while.
Exactly!
So technically we should have them--
I don't know-- by summer or something.
If you think about the razors.
Razors were really popular for maybe a year.
So if you think about, within that year,
everybody and their mother had one--
Get them in the summer, everybody
gets them for Christmas, and next year, boom, everybody's
got them.
Science, it's your job to get on this shit right now.
Otherwise, all the people are going to turn against you,
and then there'll be no more science and just religion.
"Hit the Showers, and Women's UFC on #TableTalk"
was the name of that video.
The showers and "women's" UFC.
Phil, I, and Ross-- is that correct grammar?
Nope.
Phil, Ross, and me--
Me, Phil and Ross--
Nope!
Very close.
Ross, me, and Phil--
Nope.
Yes.
--I, Ross, and Phil--
Yes.
And me.
--And me.
And my brother and I. My Brother and Me.
Remember that show on Nickolodeon?
[SINGING] My brother and me--
Nope.
No, what?
What was that song?
Is that "Mr. Bucket" again?
Meg, don't shoot Comment Commentary drunk, all right?
You did "Mr. Bucket" the other day!
I totally did.
But what was it?
I can't remember.
I don't remember.
Something we did "Mr. Bucket" for.
All I know is there's some guaranteed
low prices over there.
The question--
Our editors-- oh DJ, you guys know DJ.
DJ's getting lunch.
You guys know DJ.
DJ's getting lunch over there.
DJ is gonna eat--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
DJ, we need to talk about your dietary habits--
Yeah listen, dude.
That's got to be good fiber.
--That'll stay in your colon for years.
Yeah, and plus-- I don't know-- but there's
some bad vitamins in there.
And also if you're like-- have a gluten intolerance, you're not
Gluten, no gluten.
--going to have a good time with that.
No gluten.
All right.
The question on the video was, What two YouTubers
would you like to see fight each other in a UFC style battle?
Ronja DreamCloud says Elliott Morgan versus Hank
Green would be fairish.
But I would prefer them battling each other
in chess or something.
Yeah I feel like they would start to fight,
and then they would be like, wait a minute,
why don't we just talked about politics?
Yeah.
Why don't we just talk about that?
I like they'd have a sweet Epic Rap Battle.
Yeah, they really would.
It would be a spoken word, slow-talking battle though.
Hold on a second.
Damskyc says, since you asked for YouTubers-- Patricia
Hershberger versus Ashley Newton.
It would be a better fight than most people realize.
I think 'Ley would just ues her fart move and then--
Oh, and you think 'Ley's farts would do Trisha in?
Oh that's true.
Is it a fart off?
No, dude, Trisha's farts-- everybody's gone.
That's like the point we cut to the stock
footage of the atomic bomb blast.
I like the idea of them both just
pointing their butts at each other and farting,
and then you see the two gaseous clouds interact.
And then the cold front meets the hot front, and just
a rain of shit.
But her name is not Patricia.
It's actually just Trisha.
Yeah, it's true.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
It's not Ashley, it's actually just-- it's Ashley.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Like the Simpson.
She hate's it.
VectorNinja1 says I can see Phil as an MMA fighter big time.
It would Phil versus smosh, 2v1.
No.
Not at all.
Phil-- I would like to see Phil try to get even MMA trained,
but I don't think he would do very well at that.
Phil himself would admit he would bow out
pretty much immediately.
Immediately!
Especially two versus one.
How tall are Ian and [INAUDIBLE]?
No clue.
OK.
This one's a little long, but I've got to get through it.
Braxton Gaithier says All right, here's
my little list of people that would be a great matchup.
Steve versus Freddy Wong-- this would not end pretty.
Sam versus Shane Dawson-- Shane may win,
but the ball is in Sam's court.
Joe versus Rhett McLaughlin-- tie.
Meg versus Jenna Marbles.
Jenna would lose to Meg from forfeit.
Trisha versus Laci Green.
There would be no battle.
They would try to stop other fights.
Elliot versus Link Neal-- Elliot would win, all right?
Lee verus Harley Morenstein-- it would be a draw.
And Ross versus DJ-- there's no comment.
Ross versus DJ, boom!
DJ, there's no comment.
We've got to do it.
You've got to do it.
I'd like to think that I could set up Jenna Marbles.
Cause she'd kick my ass.
Did you see that photo shoot?
I think it just means that Jenna wouldn't show up.
I wouldn't be important enough.
I'd be standing at a flag pole, like, It's three o'clock, guys.
Where is she?
Charlotte Underwood says, I'm so into their shampoo talk--
I didn't read the comment before I started.
Oh, because we talked about how we stopped-- how often?
You don't use shampoo.
Or you just rarely used it?
I do.
I had a friend that never used it.
OK, so I rarely use shampoo.
I only use it maybe every other week or something.
But you still scrub right?
Of course.
Scrub with the hot water.
I use conditioner.
Well, I use too much product to not shampoo.
I heard, though, it takes about a month of greasy, gross hair,
but then if you never use it, never use it, just hot water,
your hair gets used to it.
And it cleans out your--
Oh nice, yeah.
Because you need those oils in there.
It's important.
If you get rid of those oils, your hair
could crack and go dry.
And you'll look like Grandma Death from Donnie Darko.
Oh!
I loved her.
God!
I'm putting her on my celebrity hit list--
Perfect.
You gotta use it.
She's my number one.
All right.
I think that's it, guys.
Let's end this shit.
Let's get the fuck out of here, huh?
Cool.
Well, thank you guys so much for watching
our very special Comment Commentary.
And why is it special?
I don't know.
Because you're here.
There you go.
Perfect.
That's great, guys.
If we just didn't acknowledge the fact that happened,
that would have been very cool.
Oh, so did I ruin it?
Did I ruin it?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Yeah, we clearly planned it.
We've got a bunch of stuff going on this weekend.
We went to see Her-- Meg and I-- for the new movie thing show.
Oh, I loved Her, you guys.
Yeah, not to spoil what I thought about the movie,
but that might have been my favorite movie last year.
So good!
Yeah, really good.
Absolutely And also-- what have we got, a movie club?
Movie club!
We're going to be watching Pirates of the Caribbean.
[SINGING] This is a tale of Captain Jack Sparrow.
I don't want to spoil how the movie club goes,
but that happens.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
We've also got some bloops in it.
It'll be fun.
So come back, join us, watch all sort of cool stuff.
I'm Meg Turney.
I'm Steve Zaragosa.
I'm Ross Everett.
[YELLING]
Oh my god!
I thought he just--
[IN A HIGH, SQUEAKY VOICE] You broke it!
Well, I'm playing with glue right now.
So I'll just glue it back.
I like that.
I'm playing with glue right now.
What's your latest toy, Steve?
Really into this thing called glue?
Oh wow!
I broke it completely.
Look at that thing!
Oh shit!
Oh no!
Well, you know what?
The xenomorphs had it coming.
[INAUDIBLE] the guy who killed the aliens!
I did it!
I'm the defender of Earth!