Did you know that narcissists actually kind of enjoy confrontation?, it's true. That's what we're talking about today QueenBeeing.com -
Why narcissists love confrontation so much.
So let's get started. (Closed captioning provided by at Athena Moberg and
CPTSDfoundation.org). My name is Angie Atkinson and on this channel,
I offer free, daily video coaching to help you discover, understand and overcome
narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. I like to call it toxic relationship rehab.
So if that sounds good to you, hit that Subscribe button and we'll get going
So what's the deal, why do narcissists love confrontation so much?.
Why is it that sometimes when you're on your way home,
you can almost feel the confrontation coming before you get through the front door. There's something about a narcissist,
it's almost like the narcissist lives inside of a maze.
The maze was created to confuse you and make you feel lost, to make you feel like you don't have a place to go and
you know, the narcissist owns the maze, the narcissist built the maze, the maze is all about the narcissist,
it's their favorite place to be and the most unfortunate thing is, while they are happy to draw you into their maze,
you will most definitely not enjoy your time there. When you consider that you have to go into the maze to
confront the narcissist, it looks kind of like this; once you get inside, you start to bring up your points, the narcissist then
leads you down the path of the maze and before you know it, you are lost. You can't find your way out,
infact, you're not even sure where you're at.
You might even ask the narcissist to help you remember and in many cases they take this
opportunity to Gaslight you and make you feel like you are in fact crazy.
Before you know it you find yourself saying that you're sorry to the
narcissist or begging the narcissist to just let you out of the maze because you're done,
you don't even remember why you walked in there in the first place. If you think about it, when you confront a narcissist,
it's very much like being in that maze, because when you walk in, you come in with a very specific purpose.
I want to explain to the narcissist why X, Y and Z or I want to confront the narcissist about X, Y & Z,
maybe you're confronting them because they cheated or they wear your
narcissistic mother or father and they ruined your childhood or any number of things, maybe it's something small,
like why did you take the $10 off my dresser?.
Whatever the case may be, you go in with a specific purpose in mind and
it doesn't really matter how long it takes you to get into the maze and maybe before you went to confront the narcissist, you spent
16 hours
trying to figure out exactly what to say so they wouldn't get upset and you go in and you know for sure that they're gonna
get it. You're prepared,
you say everything as kindly and politely as you can and then BOOM!,
they don't get it or they play one of the manipulation techniques we aregoing to discuss today, so let's get into it.
It's all about supply. It's all about getting attention. It's all about being put upon. It's a narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury.
Let's talk about it and how that all works together. How do
narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury fit together here.
Well think about it, narcissistic injury is the narcissist pretending to be really bothered by something that probably shouldn't bother them.
For example,
if you're on a bowling team with a narcissist and you show up every week and then one week you get sick and you can't
make it, the narcissist might act like you just kicked a puppy and in reality, you just genuinely got sick.
There's a little bit of narcissistic injury.
Now if you don't properly play to the
narcissists injury and you don't sue that the right way or do what the narcissist needs you to do in that moment,
well then there comes the narcissistic rage and we all know what that looks like. So let's talk about it.
Why do narcissists love confrontation so much. In so many situations,
narcissists are going to look at being confronted as though you have just literally
declared war on them, that is of course if they take it seriously. So no matter how
carefully you word it, no matter how long you stand and practice in front of the mirror or you think about exactly which word to
say, it's not going to matter, because it's going to be perceived as an attack. The narcissist will require validation in the moment
and so the first thing they might want to do is devalue you, tear you down, make it
possible in their mind to disregard anything you've said, because they invalidate you as a person, because if they can dismiss you as worthless, then
anything you try to tell them must also be worthless.
Do you see?. So the usual structure of how a narcissist responds to confrontation
looks like; Number one, deflection. Number two, gaslighting projection,
Number three, raging. Number four,
watching you so that they can do better next time and hide their tricks, hide their BS. So, how are you reacting?,
they're going to learn how to deal with your reaction.
They're calculating. As you're going through that process, when you're going through the deflection part, it will be
constantly - you won't be allowed to complete a sentence, you won't be allowed to think straight, you'll be diverted from topic to topic,
they will point out things that are wrong with you, things you did wrong in the past.
It's a certain kind of denial,
but also they intentionally take it off course using what seemed to be related topics,
but eventually you get to where what you're saying has nothing to do with it at all.
That's kind of what we talked about with the maze, you end up lost and of course, that's exactly
why they're doing it, because they want to prevent you from having a real discussion and getting themselves into a position where they actually have
to acknowledge anything they've done wrong.
This is where the word ... comes in everything becomes semantics,they pull you of heart,
they make you feel crazy. Their defenses, their counter arguments, all of this,
none of that will make sense and the narcissists twisted logic comes into play. Then we get to the projection part.
They will start to accuse you of doing the things they've done or project back onto you
their bad behaviors and sometimes they'll even say the exact same words that you said to them.
This is where basically everything that you've accused them of, they turn them back on you.
They then sort of mirrored back to you everything you said and when they get to the gaslighting part, of course
they're gonna really
try to make you accept those qualities and that mess that they projected back on you. So, they need you to see them as a
valid counter
accusation and they do that by making you, of course feel crazy,
feel like you don't even know which end is up and then you start to think -gosh,
maybe I really am accusing them, because somehow I've done something that made everything happen. I've cheated. I've hurt them.
I've this, that, everything is my fault, even if there's nothing that's your fault,
they will make up evidence and that's when the rage comes along and this is when they just kind of throw you into an emotional
state, because gaslighting works better when you're scared and upset and we all
naturally will be less rational when we're feeling fear and then our cysts almost instinctively seems to know that and so they cause
fear, so that this way we're less likely to think rationally and logically.
Eventually,
you're so tired of all of this that you just give up even trying to discuss it and that's what they wanted in the first
place. Now everything's gonna seem calm and perfect and amazing, There are several things to consider here,
and the first one is the fact that one of the biggest things about being a narcissist is that they don't have the ability
to really receive feedback of the critical nature.
So anytime that you have anything to say to them that is
valid, you will find that the narcissist doesn't receive it very well,
especially if it could be considered constructive criticism.
This is gonna leave you with a huge dilemma on deciding what you're gonna do when you do have something to say and you know
it's not gonna be well received.
Clearly you're gonna pick your battles with a
narcissist and let me just give you a little bit of advice here,
if you are confronting a narcissist, make sure that it's really important to you that you do so, because many times you're gonna find yourself
feeling frustrated and irritated and you're not going to resolve the problem, because the narcissist won't hear, it's like talking to a brick wall,
but like I said, in some cases you have no choice. First thing you have to remember is that it's pretty much
guaranteed that the narcissist is going to do their very best to challenge you and to invalidate you during this exchange and
for a lot of us, that might lead you to want to start an argument
or at least engage in an argument that you know, you'll lose even though you're right.
So when that happens, instead of arguing,
just tell the
narcissist - I stand behind what I said and that's all I'm gonna say and then when they continue to challenge you and push you, try
to draw you into the BS, then you say, I understand what you're saying,
but I'm gonna go ahead and stick with what I told you.
I stand behind what I said and that's all I'm going to say.
So basically, stay calm, stay focused
and let all of that be your entire energy during that time, of course
the narcissist is most likely not going to hear you anyway. So what do you think about all that?.
This brings me to the question of the day and the question of the day is; Do you think I'm on to something here?. Has
this been your experience?. Have you also experienced narcissists who love confrontation?.
Share your thoughts, share your ideas, share your experiences in the comments section below and let's talk about it. Really quickly,
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