G'day, A.J. Mahari here are you somebody who is in a lot of pain after a
relationship break up with somebody with BPD do you want to break that spell I
feel like the person with BPD has a spell on you feel like you really need
to break that spell and what does that mean you know how do you even define it
back to have a spell on you do they really I mean I don't know what you
think you might think they do but here's the thing if they have a spell on you
who's gonna help you to break that spell that would have to be you with the help
of someone else right like myself if I resonate with you but this idea and
people BPD put a spell on you Wow you know again it's like people like
this kind of language right people like it put that kind of way because people
are yeah searching in all kinds of ways for answers and understanding which is
really I think for a lot of people and external eyes focus on the person with
BPD or the X or all people with BPD or any video about BPD instead of yourself
that's what the spell really is the spell isn't what the borderline put on
you a spell they didn't put a spell on you but your response to all of what
happened to you with this person BPD in your life has definitely become a spell
over you or upon you put upon you in the sense of your choosing it after the
relationship is over or maybe you're not sure or it's on and off again but does
the person BPD how do you break that spell well first of all the spell isn't
something des can put upon you it is the pursuit of that X or that elusive person
or parent or friend or whomever it was with BPD
it is the elusive chase for more understanding information that is really
you looking for closure and you trying to learn more about you
so but but that doesn't work when you're focused on people BPD and the videos so
many videos up there that you know what are these people using one example of
one person with BPD often or something more in relationship with BPD for like a
short period of time okay well that might be interesting for
a little while but the thing is if you've had a longer term some people
really are so wounded after like really brief relationships with people would be
pity but if you've been with somebody for like a year or three years or five
years or married or you are married now and everything is just falling apart or
the president BPD is you know maybe asking for divorce and this and that so
involved all these complicated situations the point is there is no
spell that the borderline has to cast over you the spell is when people with
codependency keep watching videos watching videos is fine right but when
you keep watching videos about BPD be PDV and when you're hearing only about
people talk about one person with BP in their life and then they globalize it
like you understand all people because it read something well that's casting a
spell on you that's you putting your focus somewhere that's gonna keep you
stuck and maybe these messages from me aren't so popular lately because I'm
trying to help people who have just had a relationship breakup or been ghosted
by somebody with BPD or you've had to leave or whatever the case of the ending
of a relationship these relationships people seem to try to you know they end
now but they don't really end and they end but they go on and then they go on
but the end in the end and they go on and they and then they go on what is
that that's not a spell cast by a person with BPD that is a codependent worst
nightmare of not knowing so and of losing so more and more and he's off and
on again or circular kinds of like you're relating and then the president
BPD you know gets into the engulfment fear and needs to push you away
and then it's like so they goes to and they go away for a while maybe it's and
they're not all the same right some are never coming back
some might come back so I'm have a pattern you're on again you're off again
but that's not a spell cast on you the spell for the codependent with an X or
an on/off maybe X maybe not X ending a relationship but it's not really over
but I can't really be over but I gotta get her back but you know all this stuff
the spell cast is the one where you're avoiding yourself and it was cast long
before you met the person with BPD in your life it was cast by something in
your childhood again I'm out here to work to resonate with me separation
individuation family of words and worth in inner child healing among other
things this is the road to recovery this is the road to breaking the spell the
spell of the borderline unquote because it is really not a spell that they put
on you at all but the way that they do relate or don't relate very well the
abhorrent ways in which they relate and behave yes they've been very important
to you yes they've really hurt you but then the spell is something that you
take on after the fact of what they've done which was not your fault
or responsibility when you get into this quest to watch all the videos that you
possibly can which in itself is fine you know like but without the balance of
starting your own work and healing without the balance of taking the first
two steps that you need to take in breaking the spell of the person with
BPD which I yeah basically the first step is that you need to accept if the
relationship is over or if it's on again off again on again off again on again on
then you need to make the decision that when they slam the door by ghosting you
in your face you're leaving it closed and you're going to walk in a different
direction and no it's not going to feel comfortable and no it's going to it's
going to be heartbreaking unfortunately and it's very very difficult but people
are watching watching videos is going don't get me wrong but people that are
watching videos of the course over the course of like months to a year 2 years
2 or 3 or more years are holding themselves back and and to break the
spell is to get into the work the healing and recovery work you need to do
as a person with codependency we've now also got all this woundedness
from this person with BPD in that relationship so it's really important
that you need to take two steps first and that's what breaks the spell the
spell is not something like I said that the BPD person put on you it's what
you're left with when there's no closure when there's emotional and cognitive
dissonance when you don't even accept or don't know if it's over when you want it
when you're still engaging when you maybe you're waiting for Hoover or
you'll reverse Hoover it's just so compelling I'm so addictive that you
can't watch enough videos well then that's out of balance right because
watching videos fine do whatever you want to do but think about this how is
it going to help you if you're not working with someone if you're not you
know in a process of your own healing recovery so that you have a balanced
focus at least but to break the spell of the borderline so-called is to break the
spell of your focus on the borderline after the relationship is off again or
broken up or or over or and it's those two things you need to do you know you
really need to accept that it's over and you really need to go no contact and
until you do those two things and perhaps balance your own journey and
focus on yourself because you so deserve that with the focus that on videos like
on BPD or about the person with BPD or even you know codependency etc or the
two things like I've been trying to talk about here warrants well the spell is
now something that first of all wasn't cast by the person with BPD was cast in
your childhood Wow what's that mean don't you want to know more about that
thing because I'm gonna be doing workshops
I'm gonna have a lot more coming for you they're gonna be reasonably priced there
might be even weekly there might be bi-weekly but they're gonna be about two
hours long and I'm going to take all kinds of questions I'm gonna answer your
questions I'm gonna help you to get to the next step if you're willing if I
resonate with you if you want to come to a workshop I'll be doing you can check
the link below to find out more about that but the important thing is to know
that there is no spell cast by the person with BPD do they impact you do
they hurt you do they devastate you oh absolutely
don't minimize your pain by all means that's really important for me to
validate the agony of this for people but it's not a spell cast by them you
get spellbound yourself you get into mystified love you get into you know
loving in ways that codependent relational patterns really gets
unhealthy love you get into the denial that maybe this isn't really over
they're gonna come back and Hoover again or it's on off or you can get them back
if you really want to or they're gonna come back anyways there's no way to go
through your life you're just allowing yourself to be removed it after you know
what's going on and after if you don't accept that a relationship has ended or
if you allow betrayal after betrayal because there's something that you need
to know more about yourself from your childhood so you know I'm not trying to
minimize with people with BPD the effect they have on you at all but what I'm
trying to say is they don't cast a spell the spell that you might feel like you
need to break after a relationship with somebody with BPD it's really about your
healing and recovery journey because it's really a spell if you want to put
it in that language that was cast and that really spell woundedness
that you suffered as a child to one degree or Heather and that's for the
inner child healing cell differentiation family abhorrent origin work comes into
play it is life-changing and healing and and gets people to go from being you
know in this act of agonizing pain what people with BPD to feeling like
they've cast a spell on you to going to being a survivor and then working your
way through a process which doesn't have to take years and like the borderline
you know if they want to get a lot of treatment towards recovery takes it
takes 8 to 16 years minimum and so yeah it's not the case for recovering
codependent or people who have feel that this spell has been cast upon them by
something with BPD it's not the case at all the spell is something that is a
residual left over for you not residual as a not important it is huge and is
painful but it is your pursuit of closure that isn't there it's your
pursuit of understanding you can't have until you make a couple of decisions for
yourself it's your pursuit of more more more and more about people with BPD to
the exclusion of yourself and focusing on yourself and your own needs in your
own pain because these are the codependent relational patterns that
you've known since childhood now they're on steroids so to speak and it feels
like there's been a spell cast on you but to break that spell so to speak of
the borderline or the BPD relationship is to change get yourself other to focus
on them and I start looking back to itself which a lot of people have
codependency are still in denial a lot of people with codependency are trying
and we're trying through relationship with somebody with BPD without realizing
it to escape their own pain the loneliness the things that when you turn
you know from this spell cast you think by the borderline but the spell that's
really thin yours all this time they impact you did they treat you horribly
I'm not trying to say they don't they wound and they shatter people's lives
but you had something already that was like that it's the spell you need to
break if you will from childhood and then it got added to but but what you
learn in codependent relational adverse childhood
experiences what codependency is and in response to that you've developed this
relational style that really is ruining for you and that's the spell that you
need to break and at a much deeper level in your own healing and recovery journey
not with aimlessly watching video watching videos great but if you're not
doing your own work to and you're not taking time to focus on yourself and
please understand you know like I'm saying this because it's the way that
people do heal and recover not just because I work with people to help them
heal and recover I know everybody isn't gonna resonate with me here a book a
session with me or want to come to a workshop of mine or the master classes
I'm gonna be doing that's fine also be doing videos for you here too but if you
think that the borderline cast a spell how do you break that spell you stop
focusing on them and you start focusing on you and yeah that's a shifting
paradigm a focus that means are going from one great big ball of pain
essentially to the pain that you've always been in all your life whether you
knew it or not and that's a lot but guess what your only way through is
through the pain the pains will tend away might be added to by confusion and
lack of closure and cognitive dissonance but all of that you can't heal on your
own by watching a million videos about BPD or even VP and codependency or
reading books books are great information is great but there's more
you need to know about you nobody's written a book about you not you
specifically you right nobody is doing a video on YouTube specifically for you
I'm here for you and the general sense of who you might you know you all of you
but it's not the same as what I'm going to offer what I offering sessions we're
going to offer at a gym Ohio and online groups and also the help that I'm going
to give people in workshops in the methodologies that I use that work so
you want to break the spell of the border
it's time to focus on yourself you deserve it you have been hurting for a
long time various degrees and maybe not knowing about that wounded inner child
inside that's the way to break what people call this spell BPD it's your own
mystified love your own codependent relational patterns along with all the
pain you've in cause I mean obviously in a relationship with somebody with BPD
and when they go see or if they cheat on you they betray you
of course they caused tremendous pain and there's no excuse for that and
there's you know you have to work your way through that but by focusing more on
BPD more on BPD more on BPD not being resolute about accepting the end of a
relationship
you're still abandoning yourself so think about that and please check the
video check below leave a comment hopefully alike if you like what I'm
saying or it might not be what you want to hear yet so you know but and I don't
mean that in any condescending way or anything people are on all different
places of this journey right but there is no spell to break from the borderline
they did all that they did to you and all that you're watching videos to hear
more about and they have all these issues and and they're adverse
experiences is is more profoundly deeper than yours from childhood but that's
where if there was a spell cast on you so to speak which I don't think is the
best language to use really that's where you develop the codependent relationship
patterns that are not in your best interest they are not healthy relational
patterns and of themselves and they are causing you a lot of pain along with the
fact that the person with BPD did so to break that spell supposedly up the
borderline you need to change your focus which I've said in many ways here but
I'll say it again I'll say it until more people hear it
break to focus I start thinking about you and why you've been hurting for
longer than even everything is that you from personal PPD or that maybe
it was a little while ago now or whatever the case they damaged you they
hurt you they wounded you and maybe terribly but they didn't cast a spell
the spell that you need to break happen to you at a young age and it wasn't a
spell its inner child woundedness and you need to know more about that to
really heal and recover so I'm not here to work with you if you resonate with me
workshops coming give master classes online groups at a gym Hari dot CEO take
care