♪ We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose ♪
♪ and we all know Frosty who's made out of snow ♪
♪ but all of those stories seem kind of gay ♪
♪ 'cause we all know who brightens up our holiday... ♪
♪ Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo ♪
♪ small and brown he comes from you ♪
♪ sit on the toilet here he comes ♪
♪ squeezin' 'tween your festive buns ♪
♪ a present from down below ♪
♪ spreading joy with a howdy-ho ♪
♪ he's seen the love inside of you ♪
♪ 'cause he's a piece of poo ♪
♪ sometimes he's nutty sometimes he's corny ♪
♪ he can be brown or greenish brown ♪
♪ but if you eat fiber on Christmas eve ♪
♪ he might come to your town ♪
♪ Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo ♪
♪ he loves me, I love you ♪
♪ therefore, vicariouly he loves you ♪
♪ I can make a Mr. Hankey too ♪ ( poot )
howdy-ho !
♪ I'm Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo ♪
♪ seasons greetings to all of you ♪
♪ let's sing songs and dance and play ♪
♪ now, before I melt away
♪ here's a game I like to play ♪
♪ stick me in your mouth and try to say ♪
♪ howdy-ho and yum-yum-yum ♪
♪ Christmas time has come
♪ sometimes he's runny sometimes he's firm ♪
♪ sometimes he's practically water ♪
♪ sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass ♪
♪ and won't fall in the toilet ♪
♪ 'cause he's just clinging to your sphincter ♪
♪ and he won't drop off so you shake your ass around ♪
♪ and try to get it to drop in the toilet ♪
♪ and finally it does...
♪ Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo ♪
♪ when Christmas leaves he must leave too ♪
♪ flush him down but he's never gone... ♪
♪ his smell and his spirit lingers on... ♪
Howdy-ho !
Howdy-ho, folks !
We're just gonna sit back and enjoy some holiday songs !
And if you don't like it
well... I guess you can suck my tiny little balls.
So let's start off with a festive Hanukkah song
sung by my favorite Jewish person in the whole world.
Okay Ike, you're my little brother,
so I have to show you how to celebrate Hanukkah.
This is called a "dreidel".
You spin it and see where it lands
and you sing this song:
♪ I have a little dreidel ♪
♪ I made it out of clay
♪ and when it's dry and ready ♪
♪ with dreidel I shall play ♪
♪ oh, dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ dreidel dreidel dreidel
♪ with dreidel I shall play ♪
hey, what the hell are you doing ?
Oh, hey Cartman !
We're playing dreidel, you wanna try ?
Sure !
♪ Here's a little dreidel ♪
♪ that's small and made of clay ♪
♪ but I'm not gonna play with it ♪
♪ 'cause dreidels' freakin' gay ♪
hey, shut your mouth, fat-ass !
♪ Jews...
♪ Play stupid games
♪ Jews...
♪ That's why they're lame ♪
♪ dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ♪ ♪ jews...
Out of clay ♪ ♪ I made you
♪ dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ♪ ♪ jews...
♪ With dreidel I shall play ♪
What's going on ?
Oh, it's that Hanukkah thing.
It's
You spin this thing on the ground
and it goes 'round and 'round
I could watch it all day.
Let me try !
♪ I'll try to make it spin ♪
♪ it fell, I'll try again ♪
♪ oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ♪ ♪ I'll try to make it spin ♪
♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ dreidel, dreidel, dreidel ♪ ♪ it fell, I'll try again ♪
♪ Jews...
♪ play stupid games
♪ Jews...
♪ that's why they're lame ♪
♪ Jews...
♪ play stupid games
♪ Jews...
♪ that's why they're lame ♪
Hello boys !
Hi mom !
Oh how precious !
You boys are all playing dreidel !
Now, you know that dreidel
is a time-honored tradition for the hebrew people !
Yes, we know Mrs. Broslofski.
It's so very interesting !
♪ Now when you want... To make the dreidel spin ♪
♪ you kno-ooow... Our people always win ♪
♪ keep spinning one, to make the dreidel spin ♪ ♪ jews... Play stupid games ♪
♪ you kno--ooow our people always win ♪
♪ That's why their lame ♪
Oh, hi dad !
Hello, everybody !
Say, can I join in ?
Sure !
♪ I have a little dreidel ♪
♪ I made it out of clay ♪
♪ and when it's dry and ready ♪
♪ with dreidel I shall play ♪
everybody !
( All singing their parts )
♪ you're so hot
♪ on that show
♪ oh, dreidel dreidel dreidel ♪
♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ dreidel dreidel dreidel
♪ with dreidel I shall play ♪
♪ Courtney Cox, I love you ♪
♪ you're so hot
♪ on that show
dad ?
♪ Courtney -- huh ?
We're singing about a dreidel.
Oh, sorry.
We'll talk about this later, Gerald !
♪ Dreidel dreidel dreidel
♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ dreidel dreidel dreidel
♪ and with you I shall play ♪
♪ dreidel dreidel dreidel
♪ I made you out of clay ♪
♪ dreidel dreidel dreidel
♪ and with you I shall play... ♪
Oh boy, that was a super song !
And now, let's hear from the school teacher
Mr. Garrison.
Okay children, let's take our seats.
Today we're gonna learn how different cultures
around the world celebrate the holiday season.
( All groan )
now, pay attention.
♪ I heard there is no Christmas ♪
♪ in the silly middle east
♪ no trees, no snow, no Santa Claus ♪
♪ they have different religious beliefs ♪
♪ they believe in Mohammed and not in our holiday ♪
♪ and so every December
♪ I go to the middle east and say... ♪
♪ hey there Mr. Muslim merry fuckin' Christmas ♪
♪ put down that book the Koran ♪
♪ and hear some holiday wishes ♪
♪ in case you haven't noticed it's Jesus' birthday ♪
♪ so get off your heathen Muslim ass ♪
♪ and fuckin' celebrate
♪ there is no holiday season in India, I've heard ♪
♪ they don't hang up their stockings ♪
♪ and that is just absurd
♪ they never read a Christmas story ♪
♪ they don't know what Rudolph is about ♪
♪ and that is why in December I'll go to India and shout... ♪
♪ hey there Mr. Hinduist merry fuckin' Christmas ♪
♪ drink egg nog and eat some beef ♪
♪ and pass it to the missus
♪ in case you haven't noticed it's Jesus' birthday ♪
♪ so get off your heathen Hindu ass ♪
♪ and fuckin' celebrate
♪ now, I heard that in Japan everyone just lives in sin ♪
♪ they pray to several gods and put needles in their skin ♪
♪ on December 25th all they do is eat a cake ♪
♪ and that is why I go to Japan and walk around and say... ♪
♪ hey there Mr. Shintoist, merry fuckin' Christmas ♪
♪ God is gonna kick your ass you infidelic pagan scum ♪
♪ in case you haven't noticed there's festive things to do ♪
♪ so let's all rejoice for Jesus merry fuckin' Christmas to you ♪
♪ on Christmas day...
♪ I travel around the world and say... ♪
♪ Taoist, Krishnas, Buddists and all you atheists too ♪
♪ merry fuckin' Christmas ♪
♪ to you
( clapping )
Thank you Mr. Hat.