- Doctor, I'm Dorothy Zbornak. - Dorothy.
- I'm Rose Nylund. - Rose.
I'm Blanche Devereaux and I know it's not pertinent at the moment,
but I'm double-jointed.
I have a way with auditors.
The last time I was audited, I got money back from the government.
Blanche it's not a refund when the auditor leaves two 20s on your night stand.
I happen to be a wonderful orator.
And two of the commissioners can verify that.
Blanche, 'orator' means speaker.
Really?
Oh.
Well, then somebody else do the talking.
So Ted, did I hear someone say you were a doctor?
He's not just a doctor.
He happens to be one of the top neurosurgeons in the Mid-West.
- Get out of here. - He's also heavy into real estate.
No, it's nothing much, really. I just own a few mini-malls.
Oh, your wife must be really proud of you.
Actually, we're divorced.
Oh, I'm terribly, terribly sorry.
This night gown is so sheer, I believe you can see right through it.
Oh, hello Fidel.
Hello, Blanche. How are you?
You don't have cataracts, you tell me.
Beat it, you 50 year-old mattress.
Now, why you miserable old--
Blanche, Blanche, you know the rules.
When one of you is out with Fidel, the other one does not interfere.
My apologies.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go take a long, hot, steamy bath.
With just enough water to barely cover my perky bosoms.
You're only gonna sit in an inch of water?
Well, thanks again for the ride home, Dirk.
I'll see you at Tuesday's jazzercise class?
I'll see you then, unless I see you before then.
I mean, if you wouldn't mind, maybe we could go out?
Why Dirk, did I just hear you ask me for a date?
Are you deaf? I heard him from here.
This is strictly off the record but Dirk's nearly 5 years younger than I am.
In what, Blanche, dog years?
- Champagne, Ms. Devereaux? - Oh, thank you Walter.
You will forgive me if the champagne has a little effect on me, Ham.
Sometimes just having it sitting on the table
set my heart to racing.
Oh, feel!
Lower.
You know, it's like there's some kind of wild animal energy in there.
Pounding.
Pounding and burning.
Yearning, lusting, just crying out to be released.
I've never said this to another man, Ham, but I feel a heat between us,
kind of a flame crackling and hissing
I want you to put that flame out, Ham.
I want you to pluck me like a fruit
and wash me off in your kisses and sink your teeth into my
ripe, juicy flesh.
Somebody sold you minks that are too old to breathe.
They're worn out. They're not interested anymore.
- You mean, you can be too old? - Rodents can be, not humans.
Is that a theory or is that based on personal experience?
Both.
Dr. Parks there's a lizard out on the lanai that's looking awful
pickered lately. I wondered if you'd mind taking a look?
- Not at all. - Oh...
I'm just so worried about the poor little thing.
I just can't sleep at all, you know, I'm such a lover of animals.
She could be in a coma, put a man within five miles,
she'd roll over and shave her legs.
Girls, I wanna give you all my gift next, OK?
I just thought this was such a cute idea, I made the same one for each of you.
- Thank you! - Here.
Sophia.
"The Men of Blanche's Boudoir".
It's a calendar!
Each month has a picture of a man who's brought some
special joy into my life.
Oh, Blanche. Oh, honey. This is so thoughtful.
Whoa!
- September? - Yep.
I'm surprised you were able to walk in October.