SIT DOWN.
STOP CLAPPING, THIS ISN'T THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS.
(LAUGHTER) GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
PLAWTION (APPLAUSE).
>> James: SIT DOWN, PLEASE, STOP, THIS ISN'T THE STATE OF
THE UNION ADDRESS.
(LAUGHTER) DID YOU WATCH IT LAST NIGHT?
I NEVER WATCHED IT BEFORE SINCE I MOVED HERE.
WEESHEDEST THING I EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
LAST NIGHT WAS DONE ALD TRUMP'S FIRST STATE OF THE UNION.
HOPEFULLY HIS LAST.
BUT DURING HIS SPEECH-- DURING HIS SPEECH TRUMP CALLED FOR
UNITY.
HE SAID QUOTE TOBT I CALL UPON ALL OF US TO SET ASIDE OUR
DIFFERENCES TO SEEK OUT COMMON GROUND.
AND WHEN HE FINDS THAT COMMON GROUND HE PLANS TO BUILD A WALL
ACROSS IT THAT GOES ALL THE WAY TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
I MEAN THE REPUBLICANS, THEY WERE LOVING WHAT THEY WERE
HEARING.
THERE WERE SO MANY OLD WHITE PEOPLE GIVING STANDING OVATIONS
I THOUGHT I WAS WATCHING A JIMMY BUFFETT CONCERT, HONESTLY.
AND AFTER TRUMP'S ADDRESS THE DEMG KRATTIC REBUTTAL WAS GIVEN
BY CONGRESSMAN JOE KENNEDY.
AND THIS IS HOW OUT OF TOUCH THEY ARE IN THE DEMOCRATIC
PARTY.
THEY ARE LIKE PEOPLE ARE TIRED OF THE SAME OLD POLITICIANS.
WE NEED TO GIVE THEM SOMEONE NEW.
HERE'S A KENNEDY.
(LAUGHTER) KENNEDY GAVE HIS SPEECH LIVE
FROM A HIGH SCHOOL SHOP CLASS WITH A MUSTANG BEHIND HIM WITH
THE HOOD OPEN.
CUZ NOTHING SAYS YOU ARE GOING TO GET THIS ECONOMY ROLLING LIKE
THE VISUAL OF A BROKEN DOWN CAR.
MORE NEWS OF CORRUPTION IN THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION, THE DIRECT
ARE FOR THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL WHICH OVERSEAS
REGULATION OF CIGARETTES RESIGNED ON WEDNESDAY AFTER IT
WAS REVEALED THAT SHE OWNS STOCK IN A TOBACCO COMPANY.
YEAH.
WHEN REPORTERS ASKED HER WHY SHE THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY TO USE HER
POSITION FOR FINANCIAL GAIN, SHE REPLIED THAT SHE KNOWS IT'S BAD,
SHE'S JUST REALLY TRYING TO QUIT, SHE ONLY DOES IT A COUPLE
OF TIMES A DAY.
PROMISE YOU.
(APPLAUSE) THIS IS THE HEAD OF A PUBLIC
HEALTH AGENCY IS MAKING MONEY FROM TOBACCO ADDICTION THAT
WOULD BE LIKE IF THE NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR WAS WORKING FOR
THE RUSSIANS.
(LAUGHTER) OH NO, WAIT, THAT DID HAPPEN,
THAT IS A BAD EXAMPLE.
IT WOULD BE LIKE,-- IT WOULD BE-- IT WOULD BE MORE LIKE
PUTTING A CLIMATE CHANGE DENIER IN CHARGE OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL
PROTECTION AGENCY-- OH NO, THAT HAPPENED TOO.
I WILL COME BACK TO THIS, I WILL COME BACK TO THIS.
DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS STORY, UNITIED AIRLINES PREVENTED A
WOMAN FROM BOARDING HER FLIGHT OUT OF NEWARK, NEW JERSEY
BECAUSE SHE TRIED TO BOARD WITH AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORTED PET WHICH
WAS HER PEACOCK.
(LAUGHTER) THEY WERE ALL SET TO LET BOTH OF
THEM ON BUT THEN THEY CAUGHT THE PEACOCK WITH OVER THREE AND A
HALF OUNCES OF SHAMPOO.
IT GOT EVEN MORE AWKWARD WHEN THE WOMAN WAS LAKE THAT'S NOT A
PEACOCK, THAT'S MY FRIEND LADY GAGA.
BUT THIS WAS A DEVASTATING BLOW TO THE PEACOCK'S CONFIDENCE IT
REALLY WAS.
THEY HAD TO STOP ON THE WAY HOME.
AND GET THE PEACOCK AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PEACOCK.
(LAUGHTER) AND THIS IS AN OLD STORY.
A FLIGHT FROM NORWAY TO GERMANY THAT WAS CARRYING 84 PLUMMERS TO
A WORK CONFERENCE HAD TO TURN BACK BECAUSE, GET THIS, THE
PLANE'S TOILET WASN'T WORKING.
(LAUGHTER) THE ONLY WAY THIS COULD BE MORE
IRONIC IS IF THE PLANE HAD 84 PLUMMERS AND ALANIS MORRISSETTE.
84, THAT IS A LOT OF PLUMMERS.
(APPLAUSE) THAT IS A LOT OF PLUMMERS.
84.
THAT IS OVER NINE FEET OF COMBINED BUTT CRACK.
(LAUGHTER) THE PLANE HAD 84 PLUMMERS.
42 OF THEM WERE PLUMMERS.
THE OTHER 42 WERE THEIR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PLUMMERS.