- When we're dating for a long time
and we're not getting the result that we want,
and we're going through person after person after person
and conversation after conversation the same thing over
and over again and you get to this place
where you're just fried and you question,
"Should I keep going?
I don't want to give up.
Am I just being lazy right now?
Is this just a paradigm?
Is this just a doubt or dissuasion to keep going
or should I give myself a break?"
If you're in that place,
this is gonna be a really important topic for you today
because we're gonna unpack four signs
that you're burnt out and actually need a break
instead of just feeling like you're lazy
or you're giving in to a paradigm.
The first point to remember
that can kind of shed some
of the guilt that we might feel around wanting
to take a break from dating or feeling like we're failing
if we take a break,
is to remember that life is cyclical.
Every life has a cycle to it,
including our dating life.
If you think about the cycles that we have in life,
just our breath is a cycle.
We breathe in and then we exhale.
Sleeping is a cycle.
We're awake, we live our life, and then we rest.
The same thing in dating.
And so what are some signs that let you know
now is not the time to just push forward,
but instead take a break and recharge?
I'll give you some tips
on exactly how to do that here at the end,
but the first is how to know whether you should push forward
or take a break because you're burnt out.
The first indicator is that you didn't always feel this way.
In other words, there was a point
at which you were ready to date,
you were excited about dating,
you were excited before the date,
you were excited to go online and check those messages,
and now you're feeling super burnt out
like you don't even want to go online anymore.
That is burnout,
which is different than the person
who doesn't even want to get online
because they're scared
or the person who doesn't want to go on a date
because they don't feel ready.
That is a paradigm.
That is fear and that's something
that you want to heal within yourself
and move forward and overcome
so that you can have the love of your life.
But if you were active
and you were excited about it at one point
and now you're just burned out,
that's something you want to pay attention to.
The second indicator that you're burnt out
is that you are just robotic in your dating life.
You're just like, okay, this is the time I go online
and I look and you're just swiping on people
or you're just automatic replying
and there's no emotion, there's no excitement.
You've completely lost the energetic state
of what it's like to find and manifest a romantic partner.
If you're on dating autopilot,
let that be a key that you want to change something
because you're not gonna get the result that you want.
You either want to take a break
or you want to turn up the volume on your engagement,
on your passion, on your enthusiasm
because that translates across those digital lines.
The third indicator that you're burnt out with dating
is when you're dating jaded.
Here's what I mean.
Notice your mindset.
If you're resistant and feeling like even going online,
your mindset is "I'm not gonna find anyone today.
I'm just doing it because it's the obligatory thing
that I told myself I was gonna do"
and you're going online that is gonna push love away.
You are not going to attract
what you want from that mindset.
So if your mindset is defeated before you even engage,
know that, oh, I might be burnt out
and I not might need a reset.
And the fourth indicator that you are burnt out
and not just facing a paradigm or fear
is you are dragging the anchor of being single.
And what I mean by this is your mind starts to tell you
you have been single so long,
it's never gonna work for you.
You've been single 15 years
and here you are again another day.
Nobody responds.
Here you are again,
another date where it doesn't work out
and you start to feel the discouragement stack
and stack and stack and stack.
That is gonna absolutely lead to burnout.
One of the most important things
that we've gotta do to avoid burnout
is to take it one day at a time.
You've gotta drop the anchor, so to speak.
It doesn't matter how many years it's been.
It doesn't matter how long it's been.
It doesn't matter how many dates it's been and here's why,
because it won't take
that same amount of time to find the one.
You don't have to go
on that many dates again to find the one.
You never know when you're gonna find your person
because dating,
you go from zero to hero overnight.
In other words, you go from single
to finding your person literally with one swipe.
You never know when the right person
is gonna be right around the corner,
so your past is irrelevant.
The paradigm lets you to stack the past
to make it feel really, really heavy
and increase the burnout.
So if you're feeling that way
the first thing you wanna do is drop the anchor.
It doesn't matter how long it's been that way.
Your person could be right around the corner.
The second thing that you want to do
is give yourself a break.
Just like if you were working for 18 hours straight,
you would need to rest,
you would need to sleep.
The same thing here is take a break from dating,
turn off the dating sites.
Either pause them or quit them
and give yourself at least like 30 days to reset.
You are gonna be amazed at what happens
when you take your mind off of dating.
The paradigm will say,
"Well, you don't want to do that
'cause you're slowing yourself down
and you're never gonna find the one if you do that."
I call it going slower to get there faster.
If you're grinding it out with the wrong energy,
you're never gonna find the person that you want.
You've gotta be in the right energetic state.
So by taking a break, this leads you to number three,
which is to find your joy.
Go on a vacation,
take a weekend away,
go book a resort, book a massage,
go have some fun, find your joy,
take all the pressure off of meeting a man
knowing that this is actually accelerating the process
of you finding someone,
but give yourself that permission guilt free
'cause you don't need it.
I can tell you, I've been coaching women
for well over a decade,
and when we get into burnout mode
I do a program called "Manifest Your Man"
that's a year long.
There are some times where a woman's like,
"I just need a break.
I'm burnt out, but I don't wanna not do the action."
And I will tell them the best thing that you can do
is give yourself 30 days right now to just reset.
And here's what's great.
They'll give themselves 30 days,
they'll reset,
and you'll feel naturally after finding their joy
and getting relaxed and resting up,
they'll find like,
"Oh, I'm kind of ready to find someone again.
I'm kind of ready now to date again."
And that desire will build up.
That desire comes back, they get back online,
they bring new fresh energy and then guess what happens?
Boom, they find someone amazing!
That person pops into their life
and then they're in an incredible relationship.
So, if you're feeling burnt out
give yourself permission to take that break,
find your joy,
drop that anchor because it does not matter
how long things have been a certain way
'cause everything could turn around before you know it.
My question for you is
how do you know when you're feeling burnt out?
How do you know when it's time for a break for yourself?
I would love to hear your perspective on this.
Go ahead and share that in the comment section below.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching.
Here's to your amazing love life and I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)