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We can't always be with the pain; sometimes it's too much.
Well what if it's really, really strong?
What if you can't just go and feel it as sensations and be with it, okay?
Well there's a few different ways of working with intense pain.
If you want to try to be with it, one of the most powerful practices I know
is find another part of your body - and you might do this right now,
just sense in your body where it's either neutral or pleasant. So,
for some people the neutral-pleasant zone is their hands;
some people the lips;
it may be a part of your face; it may be your feet...
But find a neutral or pleasant zone, and we'll call this zone 2
- because zone 1 is the unpleasant zone.
So you've got a neutral or pleasant zone...
Now zone 1 is the part of your body that is unpleasant, where
it's really hard to stay.
And you might notice what it feels like:
some people it might be a stomach-ache, a real discomfort in the stomach,
others it might be something in the neck or the back...
to notice it - notice what it's like.
But then to go: "That's zone 1, the unpleasant" but then go to zone 2,
and really get to know it.
In other words, feel where it's neutral or pleasant,
allow yourself to inhabit that area.
And then the practice is that, as you feel able,
you can move back and forth.
Establish yourself very well in zone 2, the pleasant or neutral, but then
check out - just take a little movement of attention to zone 1, feel it a bit,
and then come back; to your hands, your feet, or whatever is more pleasant.
Sensing that back-forth movement... You can practice this on your own,
but by having an anchor - a place that's neutral or pleasant - to rest in,
you can begin to gain resilience,
it gives you a little bit more space to be able to be with the area that is painful.
Now I'd like to add that there are times that it's not even wise or compassionate
to be with pain at all.
There are times when you're in so much pain
that it's throwing you totally off balance and into reactivity
and trying to be with it is, you know, just absolutely going to
drive you more into being exhausted or uncomfortable.
And at those times it's really wise to shift the attention somewhere else
that's really supportive and nurturing and helpful.
And it may be that you've shifted to medicine, and take whatever medicine;
this is not about trying to grin and bear it.
But I'll share one story that I love, for a man that was in a lot of pain,
and his companion Frank Ostaseski, who's the
who's a very dear friend and the founder of Zen Hospice, well he was close to this man.
This man was dying, he had stomach cancer, he was in a lot of pain.
And the man asked Frank to guide him in a meditation.
And Frank began but it became very clear quickly that it was too painful to meditate with.
So what Frank did is he offered to put his hands on the man's belly to help hold the pain,
you know, it's like creating a pleasant-neutral place to pay attention
that's right outside the pain and gives it some space.
And the man agreed and said: "Yeah but it's still too much."
And so Frank put his hands a little further away and he said "that's a little better"
and then even further, and the man said: "oh yeah, that's lovely"...
And so Frank invited him just to rest a bit
and just to sense his hands holding a space around the man,
just a space to rest in.
The man began to whisper: "Rest in love".
Rest in love.
And what he was doing, and this is what's key, was he wasn't
riveting his attention on being mindful with the pain; he was finding
something that was present and true but other than the pain, which was
that space, that container of love.. "Rest in love."
You don't always have to go and be with and penetrate into the unpleasant sensations.
At times, going in that direction will actually
free you from creating the enemy of pain
and help you discover a really powerful sense of space and presence.
But other times, when the pain is too much, turn towards where there's love.
Turn towards where there's some sense of healing,
turn towards where there's space or beauty or something
that is big enough for you to rest in it, and help you to make room.
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