Welcome to part two of our series on how addicts and alcoholics manipulate their
families and everyone else around them. For those of you who don't know me, I'm
Amber Hollingsworth Master Addiction Counselor and I've been treating addicts
and alcoholics for the past 15 years. I've pretty much seen and heard it all. And, I'm
gonna give you the inside scoop on exactly how addicts and alcoholics think.
So if you have a loved one with a drug or alcohol problem, you definitely want
to be subscribed to this channel, and hit the bell, because I'll make sure you stay
five steps ahead of addiction at all times.
Okay, so like I said before this is part two in a series on how addicts and
alcoholics manipulate their families. if you haven't seen part one that's okay.
You can go back and watch that one after this one. You don't have to watch it in
order, but you do need to watch them all. Tjis one is definitely gonna make
you want to pull your hair out So let's call this one crazy-making, because
people in active addiction (on purpose) make you think you're crazy, and
question your sanity. If you've got a loved one with a drug or alcohol problem,
I bet you know what I'm talking about. They have several techniques to help
pull this off. Here's how this works ...You know that they are lying, and
sneaking, and abusing some sort of substance but it is really hard to catch
them. They're super good at being sneaky and so you start driving yourself
crazy trying to prove it, trying to find the substances, trying to catch them in a
lie, checking their receipts, digging through the drawers, and anything else
you can think of to find the actual evidence. And when you can't find it, your
insides are still screaming that something is really bad wrong. You
can't ignore it. I guess in some ways you are kind of getting crazy, but
they'll use that against you. They know why you're doing that. They know that
you know what's up. But as much as possible, they're going let you think that you are a
lunatic. Because, you're going to feel guilty when they catch you sneaking
around, searching for their stuff. They're going to look at you like...[things the addicted person will say to you} What is wrong
with you? Why are you doing that? I'm not doing anything, is that all you're going
do? All of this is going to put you on the defensive, because now you're sneaking
around to catch them, being sneaky. As you can see, the whole dynamic here is
getting a little bit crazy. They're gonna tell you that you're
obsessed. They're gonna tell you that you're constantly nagging.
They're going to tell you that you worry too much. They're going tell you that
you're anxious. They're going tell you all kinds of stuff that is wrong with
you. To some degree, they're probably right. You probably are obsessed, and
anxious, and worry too much. Yes, you're probably all those things, but the key
factor is that addiction is making you crazy!!!
So yeah, if they call you out on the crazy, just aknowledge it . Say something like...You know
what, you're probably right. Because this situation is making me crazy. Now let's
see if we can't get a real-life examples to help you understand what we're
talking about.
Lucas: The instance with maybe the cigarettes, or being on the phone outside.... I would
know that my dad was up, and then he might hear me go outside, and I do it
kind of sneaky ( not be loud about it)., so that he (Dad) would hear just a loud enough noise, so he would hear it.
So that he (dad) would think I might be sneaking out, and then make sure that I'm
visibly just on the phone. Then I could say...God you're crazy. Leave me alone. I'm just on
the phone with my girlfriend. Why are you guys so crazy.
I might plan that all day. Amber: mm-hmm Lucas: that when I get home tonight I'm going
to do that, and that's where it becomes really manipulative. When
you're planning that much into it (to deceive someone) because you want to make them feel
crazy. That's an awful thing to do to somebody, but it is effective.
[Lucas speaks about splitting between his counselor and his parents] Parents: well and he stole $20 out of my pocketbook last night. Lucas: It
It wasn't 20, it was five. Why do you never get anything right? You're literally
lying about me to the therapist right now.
Obviously anybody from an objective standpoint could say well stealing $5 or or
$20 is wrong. The amount really doesn't matter. But in my mind, that would divert
the attention just enough (off of me) so then it could be a that this person
is fallible, and they can't be trusted, because they're giving wrong facts. Then the
attention isn't on me for a second. Because was it
$20 or was it $5?
David: When it comes down to not having your fix, not having your drug, it's
Survival mode. It's like a life-or-death situation to me, in that
moment . I was willing to do anything. I mean don't get me wrong, I
would steal from my friends. I was the guy that would steal your drugs and then
help you look for them. I'd make you think you dropped him under the couch or
something. When I had already smoked it.
Joey: Because I was constantly trying to steal her (mom) stuff, and it's so
crazy to think about how I lived my life. I live my life that when I heard
my mom get up, I knew that meant she was about to go walk our dogs,
around our apartment complex. I knew that meant that as soon as
that door closed, I was up across the across the apartment ,,into the room into
her purse looking for something that I can find. It might be money or
medicine that she was taking. I was going to take from her
whatever it was. It meant that and I remember it probably
wasn't too long after, I'd ripped her off a couple times, that she realized what I
was doing. So it was funny, because she went about it a bunch of different
ways. She would hide her purse in her car, but then I would just find it
in her trunk. The worst was when she would close the door to the apartment.
This was really bad because this is when I I know that I've got problems.
She would close the door to the apartment. I would immediately spring up,
across the room, and then she would open the door again, and she'd be like.. Hey Joe,
what are you doing? I'd be like... nothing, I was just going to the bathroom. She's
like.... Well, you've got a bathroom in your room. What are you doing?
We'rent you just sleeping? It's humiliating to look at
that, and like look at those behaviors. Amber: Well that was
enlightening. Okay so now that you've been enlightened on how that actually
works, make sure that you check out the the video that Campbell and I made. I'm
going put it right up here, so you can click on it, and watch that next.